My H told me two weeks ago he'd met someone and was leaving me to be with her. I had no idea he was unhappy, or that anything was going on. I convinced him to stay for now and he agreed to marriage counseling because he believes the way he went about it was wrong. He says he loves me, just not as much as her. I know from this site that for marriage counseling to work, he must let go of the OW completely but he won't send her the "Dear Jane" letter. He says he's trying to make up his mind which one of us he wants. I believe he's had little contact with her in the last two weeks but I know he still communicates occasionally. I also know that he's in "withdrawal from an addiction," but I can't get him to see that and it's not coming out in the counseling sessions. In fact, the sessions pretty much just have us talking to each other (which we do anyway), but when I bring up the need to let the OW go, the counselor just says my H has a right to his feelings that he can't let her go. I almost feel like C is approving of their continued relationship, so I can't get H to see the other side, and as long as he keeps stringing both of us along, he's never going to be able to make a decision! I know it's early yet, but I'm in a state of limbo wondering if I'm going to "win the prize" and be able to eat, breathe, and concentrate on work again. How long is long enough to wait for the answer I want to hear? How can I convince him he needs to cut all contact with her if he wants to get out of the withdrawal phase and be able to function again himself? FYI: Married 16 years, no children, and even he will admit he has no idea how this obssessive "love" came to be because we have had an incredibly strong, healthy, happy, respectful, trusting marriage. How can I get him to understand that this is just a crazy addiction that he can break free from?
Thanks for listening.
