It has been 10 months since my WW told me that she never loved me... and I found out about an emotional affair... I was on this site for weeks nonstop until something snapped and I could no longer see or handle the hurt that everyone here was going through...

I started counseling and tried to get WW to go as well... but she refused to do joint counseling... but she started going to individual counseling...

The long story short is that she says that she hates me for spying on her inner most feelings to find out about this EA... and that it was not a full blown EA... and that I am shady and never to be trusted again...

She has told me that she will not be my wife... but that she is stuck because of the kids... and trapped by God and religion... and she doesn't know what she is going to do... and that if I press here for an answer now... then the answer is "divorce me" ...

So the situation is this...

I come home everyday to a house where I am treated like a stranger... like a pest... like she is being forced to be around me because of the kids... and I cannot take the rejection any longer... the looks, the comments, my mind making stuff up etc...

She was on a kick to separate... she said I should move out for the kids sake... being that she is a stay at home mom... and that would be best for the kids to not disrupt them any further... but I would not... based on the legal advice of friends who have been through D and my counselors advice...

So she was even more mad...

Now I am just in limbo... we cannot talk about our issues... because she refuses too... I have no indication that she will stay or go...

She says that she is working on her own issues in life and cannot focus on me or our marriage issues... (because why would she want to do that is she isn't even going to stay married to me?)

I don't know even know where to go to get advice... She is talking with our pastor... so she will get mad if I try to talk to him... my counselor is saying that she is already too far gone and that I need to take back control and just divorce her... that I cannot take this any longer... and that I shouldn't... and that she is just stretching it out for her sake... to still have a place to stay and live an easy life of me supporting her...

He is saying that she has already made up her mind and doesn't want to face reality...

She has told me in her own words that she will not be with me again... that she will never love me... that she hates me... that I raped her soul... that she is being punished by God for marrying me when she knew she was not to... that she can never be happy... that she cannot and will not learn to love... That God allowed her to experience a little true pure love(referring to the EA) just to punish her and show her what she is missing by making bad decisions like marrying me... etc

I am having a tough time knowing where I should draw the line... what am I required to do from a biblical standpoint... she has already divorced me in every way except for a piece of paper from the law... she has been sleeping out on the couch... she will not interact with me without the children around... she goes out after the kids are asleep a few times a week...

I don't know why I am back here today writing this... other than I have no other place to go and I am getting lonely and depressed... I am a nice looking 31 year old male with a decent job 3 lovely children 6,4,1 and I am living in ******...

What am I doing wrong... I don't know how much more of this I can take... I just found out last nov... but I have known for the last 2.5 years and have been deprived of love and affection for so long... that I feel numb and don't know how I can move forward...


well... enough for now... and thanks for listening!

You have to figure out just how long you are going to live in he!! and if it's worth it. If everything is what you say it is then I think you have your answer... it's time to think of yourself and move on in life.

You've tried to reach out to her but she has not only refused, but has seemed to throw it back into your face. The house is becoming increasingly unhappy and this will eventually affect the children.

Get your ducks in a row and think of what you need to do for yourself.

Heck, I never advise anyone to divorce. But I'm with your counselor. Divorce her.

For the life of me I cannot imagine divorcing... from my upbringing, my beliefs, my loyalty...

The unknown is something I am afraid of...

I have never left my job because I could not handle not knowing where my next paycheck would be from... even though I don't like it... how could I ever start over in life like that in a marraige/family...

I can't even think about it...

It seems so selfish to just leave and not tough it out...

I don't know if I am stupid, blind, or what...

I really need help with scriptures to point me in the right direction... something to let me know that it is OK to move on...

I thought I remembered that if you spouse abandons you that it is ok to move on...

Has my wife abandoned me? She stills lives under the same roof... but... she has told me that she is not my wife... and will never be... and that she cannot be made to love me...

I am so uneasy about making a decision like this on my own accord... I need help... guidance from on high... and I am not finding it...

My well being is at risk right now and I can handle that... but l cannot handle gambling with my 3 beautiful children's lives...

Any help would be appreciated...

Have you gone to the church? A rebellious Christian is to be brought to the elders. If she will not repent and seek Him, then she is to be brought before the whole congregation. If she still doesnt repent, then she is to be put out so the Lord may do what He needs to get her back in line.

I know this will anger her. So what? God says what a believer should do if another believer is harming them. If you do as God requires, then God will take care of your wife.

Your wife does not even know God, as is evidenced by what she is saying.

So, I think it is time to take her before the church. If she will not repent, then the church can free you to do as you like, namely divorce.

Do not sit around in silence and accept an unsubmissive, adulterous wife. You have tools at your fingertips that you can use. I did it, in the midst of my wife divorcing me. And we are together today.

Take charge. Do not lay down. Do it God's way, then get out of the way so He can get ahold of yoru wife and pull her head out of her nether regions.

In His arms.

DH,

My dos centavos, for what it’s worth:

It's time you tried the MB approach for real, I think.

Your W is still in her A. Ten months is way too long for her to have had true NC and still show this behavior.

If you have been doing a good Plan A up to now then it is time for Plan B. Read up, memorize and implement to the letter.

And have her, not you, move out. At this stage you probably need to make it legal, as in separation, but not yet a D.

From this point on, it’s about you recovering.

And let me tell you, it will be hard. It was six months of agony for me. But it also worked - for me.

With prayers,

How can I make her move out... she is on the deed... we have been married for 12 years.. and everything is in both our names...

And as far as bringing her to the church... the Pastor knows... because his Son is the OM... but he doesn't know the details other than they were too close of friends when our marriage was in the pits...

She has been talking to him on a semi-weekly basis... but I have no communication of what is going on...

What, then, do you have to lose by finally exposing OM in detail to the church?

Listen, I did not expose properly after D-Day 1 and I paid for it with her A continuing deeper underground for five more years.

Work the plan correctly, end to end.

As far as her moving out - I agree it could be difficult to achieve. Laws and children are involved. But it should be your goal. It will be the best Plan B for you and your children. It will even be best for her – wake up and smell the coffee wise.

Enlist legal help in advance. Without telling her in advance. No threats, no manipulations, no LBs. Just action.

And, do not warn her in advance about impending full, excruciatingly detailed exposure either. (Have proof, even if you have to spy some more.)

With prayers,

The pastor's son is the OM, and you have not exposed this to your church? YIKES is all I can say.

I have a not-so-OT observation here. Maybe others can help me clarify my thinking on this.

I think the second-worst type of OM in existence is the one who is in a position of power or authority in a church. Or, is closely related to a person in said position.

DH’s OM is a good example. He is using his position to ruin DH’s marriage without seemingly getting his hands dirty.

Even if the EA has not yet become a PA, he is doing what he can to be in that position after the marriage is irrevocably destroyed. And he probably feels he is not committing overt adultery in the mean time.

What a manipulating hypocrite.

JMO.

PS: IMO, the first-worst OM in the universe is the kind I had to deal with: rich playboy who does not care how dirty his hands get as long as it does not affect his social standing. Or, if anyone important to him (and there a very few of those) do find out, he makes sure it’s his co-adulterer’s hands that look dirtier while he quickly washes his hands of the whole thing.

I'll try and be NICE, &^%&**&^ &^%^& *&&^&**

Are you out of your mind?

OM father will do whatever it takes to protect his son and his own job.

Wake up, smell the coffee, get out of your depression, get a grip, etc...

Expose

Expose

Expose

Expose

Tell everyone at the church, everyone.

Your marriage is over, you just don't know it.

Why the would you let OM father counsel your wife?

Better to receive NO counseling than thru the devils father.

Don't answer because YOU cannot give me one good answer, none.

Call Steve Harley, pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase.

Yes, expose immediately, to everyone. Talk to your pastor- is he giving her support? I think he must be if she continues to talk to him and is fooling around with his son. Your wife sounds a bit like mine, on the depressive side. Make sure her parents and friends know what she's doing, be explicit about it. And believe the other guys when they tell you she's still having the affair.

I sat in a seedy hotel room at 3 am wondering how my life had come to that point, while my WW talked to the OM on the phone all the while. She was crazy as ******. I asked God what to do and He told me (paraphrased) to go kick some [censored] and tell everyone; that I had done nothing wrong and had nothing to be ashamed of. Now, you go kick some [censored], and flatten anyone who gets in your way.

DH, according to the Bible, you have ample permission from the Lord himself, as stated in Matthew, Chapter 5, as follows (I'm quoting from the NIV):

[color:"red"]
31 "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery." [/color]

There you have it, straight from Jesus himself. YOU can leave her. Also, as someone else stated, you have other Biblical foundation to leave. Whatever you do, I wish you peace in the Lord Jesus Christ, and if you need prayers, let me know.