I have found out that WH has been visiting websites that I don't approve of.....I asked him about it & he said it is somewhat of a diversion for him right now. After questioning him more he said he has done this off and on for quite some time(pretty much the whole time we've been married). Said it is a "release" and a "habit". Great. Sex has always been more important to him than me.

So, do I push this issue very strongly right now or let it ride until the whole A is dealt with??? I told him how much it hurts me to know that he is doing this, it is pornography & vulgar. I already had issues with SF & now this just adds to it.

I have been searching to find out what the signs are for addiction and how to deal with it. Does anyone else have experience in dealing with this with a WS???

HELP!

Kimberly
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
NC stage

He should stop. I am unfamiliar with your story. Has he had an A?

Viewing porn is an affair of it's own. It will destroy the marriage.

If he wants to try to save the marriage, he will find a way to stop. You need to find a way to get through to him how important this issue is. Internet porn has talons that, once set, are very difficult to escape.

You and he need to talk for a long time, and radically honestly about how to take care of his and your sexual needs. He needs to spend all of the time he does at the computer WITH YOU. If he does that, I think you will start to see things turn around.

I can not tell you how to make him stop. Maybe others can. It will take a huge 2x4 to get through to him.

When he is ready - send him to www.recoverynation.com .

Good luck with this. Keep coming here for advice.

If you can get him on here, possibly he can get some positive input from some of the vets.

far

Kimberly,
Please check out the website www.sexualcontrol.com. There are surveys to take which can help determine if your husband has a problem. Good Luck.

Kimberly, by looking at porn, your H is betraying you. Your husband is having an emotional affair, and probably physical (though "one sided") as he probably engages himself physically in response to the visual (and possibly audible) input.

Kimberley, to gain more insight on this subject, underneath are 2 threads that recently appeared on MB on the same subject (porn viewing/addiction). I also posted my opinions on those threads. I have also put another website link about porn addiction on the first thread:

H liked to view internet porn

Porn vs. sexual affair.

Porn viewing is certainly much more serious and damaging than most people think or believe it is…and it seems your H is one of those who think porn viewing is "no big deal".

Maybe the above threads can help to give you ideas on how to deal/talk with your H about this... Your H will come up with a lot or rationalizations etc. when you confront him – that’s for sure – but maybe the info and insight you will gain from the above threads will help you to deal with such and put 'sense' into his head.

Kimberley, if your H is religious, he will find this thread helpful for his continuous temptation to view porn. There is specific advice and steps he can follow to help him grow through and defeat his temptation.

Blessings and good luck,
Suzet

Kimberley,
This is a subject you should not take lightly.
Please read all the links above. Not sure of your story
or if you are both in IC or MC but this needs to be addressed.

I am fairly new at all this so bear with me,
It offended me when my FWH spent this time away from ME, his wife (by the way, I have needs too!!!! ) looking at porn and pay per view movies. He admitted it led him to shut down on me, he drank more, he was stressed and it was a quick release. Then on a business trip, a prostitute was offered in Asia, he was drunk, he says, and accepted.

Did the porn lead up to his decision that night?
He told me he believes it did.
Did the drinking?
Yes.
And the stress?
Yes.
And I wouldn't find out right?
Right.


So... there were MANY things that led to his ONS and
risked my life, literally, and has almost destroyed this marriage but this is just my story and maybe some think porn is okay,
but I truly believe it lead him down this path and he took the wrong turn.

Meet each others needs.
Go to MC , talk, get him help if he is a SA.
Not an easy road to travel ...
It sucks.
Best of luck to you.

Thanks for the links and the posts - Yes my WH had an A. He has been in NC for a week. Betrayal is exactly what it feels like. He told me last night that maybe I was the only sane one in the family.

I am working on him writing a NC letter to OW & just feel drained. I don't know if I have the energy to fight two demons at once!

He is not religious, but I am. My upbringing taught me to marry a Christian, but I did not. Am I being punished for that? or is the message here to work on the M and be an example to WH, find my way back to the church and expose him to what I believe in?

I guess that is a topic for another post....

I will not leave this problem unaddressed, but not sure if I can/should attack all of this at the same time.

Thanks!

Kim
D-Day, May 14th
DS, age 5
in NC
Married 13 years