Bob and Orchid,

I am taking the steps legally to do just that. I have filed paperwork with the courts. Unfortunately it takes longer than I wanted. She has to be served and has 20 days to respond and then a hearing has to be scheduled. It could take as much as 90-120 days.

Regarding the A, I did find out that the OM left the B-day Party before anyone else and has not stayed the night or come to the house since that party a week and a half ago. There were other adults there (friends of WW) but Om has already met them and spent time with them. THese are the Friends that support my WW in what she is doing. They actually used to be very good friends of mine as well. I also found out that the OM has said he won't come to the home anymore. The reason I was given was that he was concerned that I would show up and cause a confrontation. I suspect though, based on what I am hearing from other people that he is looking for a way out of the relationship because he doesn't want to be in the middle of it all. According to my MIL the affair is for all intents and purposes over. My goal for myself is to not let it cause me to let my guard down or stop my progress. Yesterday when my WW came home to exchange the house and kids, we had a very good talk actually (almost 2 hours). We were able to hash out a lot of things and I asked her at Steve H's request to join us for the next session and she agreed. I suppose this is just a small step in the right direction. We'll see if she actually follows through. I left for the day and she called at around 7:30 - 8:00pm and asked me to join her in the hot tub. I went over and we sat and relaxed and talked a little although nothing about the M or D and I rubbed her back and we cuddled. After an hour or so we got out and I got ready to leave. She gave me a big hug and we said goodnight. It was a very enjoyable evening. When I got back to where I am staying, we talked again on the phone for a little while longer. It felt like the old her again...I went to bed feeling very good like there was still hope. When I woke this am however, I was feeling like this could be just like before, one good night and then back to the same crap. I have taken the position in my mind that I really enjoyed last night and am glad that it happened, but I am not going to get my hopes up or think that just because we had a good night that this is on its way to being over.

I guess my take on this weekend is that, I believe that the A is on its way to self destruction, that my ww is thinking about recovering our M a lot but is still on the fence, that last night although wonderful doesn't change anything, and that if she actually participates in the Session with Steve H this week we may have a chance. I also believe that I have to do what ever I do to give my children a safe, happy, stable, healthy environment. She has the choice of being a part of that or not. So that is my dialogue from the weekend. I welcome your opinions...

R.

so last night my ww told me that she doesn't know if she will participate in the Session with Steve H on Friday. She says Maybe...tells me that she has already given the marriage a chance and that I Blew it. She accepts absolutely no accountability for what has happend or what she is doing now. I suppose this is normal? Laying in bed this am and feeling strong about taking control. Paperwork has been filed with the court to reduce the monthly expenses and I am looking into an option/idea of how to get back into the house regardless of what she wants. I am hoping that she will come around but I don't see it happening anytime soon especially with her Friend encouraging her and bashing me every chance she gets. There are apparently 2 people to get out of our lives now, the OM and this so called friend. I just wish that at least the friend was gone, because WW would be more willing to listen and try. anyway I just needed to vent a little and could use some encouragement today.

R.

Today although it seems better, doesn't change how I feel. My WW has agreed to join me in a Session with Steve H tomorrow morning and I will be going to the house to be on the other line with her. I am happy about this but when I asked her to have an open mind her response was "don't push it I give and you just ask for more." I responded by saying thatt I didn't hink it was a wrong thing for me to ask her to have an open mind and she said if your going to push it forget it. I said just simply OK and we settled on her joining us regardless. I jsut didn't want to push hard over something jsut to have it foil the effort. Was I wrong? I feel like such a doormat. Has anyone else experienced this with their WS andhow did it turn out. I am so hopeful that Steve H will be able to make some sense with her that I couldn't but how can that happen if she is going into it with the mindset that she has no intention of using counseling as a tool to help our marriage? Hoping someone can shed some light on this and share their experiences.

After we discussed the counseling, she immediately went onto the Money subject because I got paid yesterday and she is looking for some of it. I agreed to give her money to put tires on the car because they are unsafe especially for the kids, but she is looking for same additional because she only has $32 to her name and her checking account is in the negative. Really not my problem as I am paying all of the house hold bills and she has no other financial responsobilities other than her own cell phone. she complained about not having enough money for gas, like that is my problem right. She actually had the nerve to say to me "you get a paycheck every week and I don't" Like it is my fault. go get a F****ing job, is what I wanted to say but I kept my mouth shut and just said Uh Huh to everything and didn't agree to anything or engage. She is in for a big suprise when she realizes that this piggy bank is no longer available to her and reality sets in. I have had it and am so angry that she actually thinks she has the right to tell me that I am not welcome in my home and that our marriage is over that she has found another man but still thinks that I owe it to her to continue supporting her 100% while she is off running around with OM and refuses to even consider rebuilding our marriage. She will be served with papers from the court sometime next week. My guess is she will be so irate and go off the deep end, but it has to happen for hwer to be able to appreciate how much I really do and how much I have had to sacrafice. Just venting a little here sorry for the long post but I am hoping that someone will respond to my above questions and share their experiences with me.

R.

<<<<<<BUMP>>>>>>

Bump again

My WW joined me today in a session with Steve H. I am so happy about that but still anxious. I suppose that is normal. He talked to her alone first for almost an hour, she agreed to hear his opinion of the MB concept and she was willing to remain open minded about it. She also agreed with him to read Love Busters and his needs/her needs. He is going to give me an assignment on Tuesday for us to work together and she has agreed to do that as well. I feel like we took a huge step today, although we are not out of the woods yet. Having her participation to me is such a huge step towards recovery. I am praying everyday for a miracle.WW has agreed to talk to Steve H again when she has finnished reading the books and when we have completed our assignment. I have a renewed sense of hope, I just pray I am not setting my self up to be hurt again.

Sorry for rambling...feeling pretty good today.

Could really use some encouraging words here folks...

Hi SC,

Like they say you have to start somewhere. I pray that things really work out for you. Stay encouraged and know that God is with you.

L

What has happened to my life...I have so little hope or energy left. Some huge blows this week, WW tels me that she is not going to follow through on the assignments from counseling on Friday, person I am staying with tells me I have 2 weeks to get out, so now I have no wife and I am homeless. To top it all off I could afford to go get a place of my own but 95% of the money I earn I am required to use to pay "all house hold bills for WW". It leaves me nothing to live on myself. The court tells me it could take as much as 6 months to change it because they are backed up. Just one thing after another...

All I wanted was to put my family back together and rebuild my marriage and what did I get for my efforts...nothing but hurt, pain and discontent from everyone. I am so close to giving up completely. My life really sucks right now. Sorry for rambling not looking for pitty. I just needed to vent a little.

SC

well...here I am again. It has been a while. In August I finally grew a set and took control of my own life and put all of the energy I had into my children and pulling myself together for them.

I had absolutely no contact with WS for almost 2 months. Eventually we did start conversing through Text Messages and very brief phone calls to deal with the children and swapping the kids every weekend. In the mean time I had accepted that she was not going to get off the fence unless pushed, so I moved on. I did meet someone about 2 months ago and have enjoyed her company thinking that my marriage was hopeless.

Now late last month my WS starts talking about wanting to get back together and asks me to move home. My first reaction was one of disbelief and lack of trust. Worrying that she may be wanting to just sit on the fence again. So I didn't take it seriously at all. But over the past 6 weeks or so she seems to really want to put in some effort, has ended her relationship with the OM. But my quandry is in the question "is it too late?" I still love her very much and would love to put it all back together but I am fearful of it not working out and going through what I did last summer. To complicate matters more...I don't want to hurt the person I have been seeing or risk loosing something that could be good to go back to a mess that may not work.

I guess as I am writting this I am comming to the conclusion that I may actually be sitting on the fence now.

What I am trying to say is that I have deep feelings for my wife, don't trust her but feel like it could work with some effort from her and myself. Can you folks help me make some sense of this? Your help is greatly appreciated...

Step one ... tell your affair partner/girlfriend .... "I am sorry I put you in the middle of my marriage. That was not right. I need to say goodbye to you. I have a marriage that I want to try and save. If I can't save my marriage, I will divorce first before dating anyone. I am so sorry I mistreated you this way."

Hi pepper,

Thank you for the response. That was an obvious step. I guess my question lies with whether I should even be considering reconciliation or trust her at this point or has too much happened already. Could the marriage actually be repaired? I'm quite confused as I'm sure you have gathered.

Yes, I believe it could be better than ever.