I just want some input for those of you who are in the 'same boat' as me. Thanks for your insights as my 'friends' think I'm crazy and acting irrationally at the moment.

So for a bit of history...
FWH had A right after I suffered an ectopic rupture (baby was in my fallopian tube, and I almost died)
The A lasted 6 months.
Before the A we were trying for baby # 3 when all this happened.
We figured through MC that FWH was 'angry' and was living out a script (his mother passed away when she was 29/ he was only a child) ect...

So now we are two years passed this event. One year has passed since ending the A.

FWH and I are trying for baby # 3 through fertility. My friends all think I've lost all sense of reality by trying for another child.

Even though I try and explain to them that this baby is not meant to 'save' our marriage. Our marriage is already 'saved'.
This baby will signify for both FWH and I: new beginnings.

Am I nuts or what? Or should I just stop listening to the advice of 'friends'...?

Thank you so much...for reading my post!

Not knowing your whole story, no I don't think you're off your rocker, provided your marriage is in a very healthy and happy place with both of you getting all your emotional needs met enthusiastically.

Where I would draw a tad of concern is Why are y'all having the baby? And I mean that seriously. When married, we had a miscarriage, even though our marriage wasn't in a good place we became obsessed with having a baby. Turned out to be a bandage that simply covered greater problems. Now I wouldn't trade my youngest for the world, but truly she didn't deserve the predestined entrance to a breaking marriage.

My, now wife, FHL04 also had some pregnancy problems before conceiving her youngest. We've talked at great length and she shared that same obsession that I know all to well. Her then husband, though obviously agreed to make the baby, grew resentful over this pregnancy.

So, again, don't think you're off your rocker but please explore all the why's and ensure that this is being approached with undivided enthusiasm by both sides before subjecting an innocent child to a rocky start.

Thank you for your insight Bill.

Our marriage is the best's it's ever been. FWH and I have connected like never before. We do everything together ect...and for the first time in our 14 year relationship I truly feel appreciated and cherished. It's bittersweet that it took an A to reach that level though.
Both our EN are being met plus!

We are not obsessed with the baby thing. If it happens, it happens (We will be blessed). We both would like a third child. We've discussed over and over again.

My friends...don't understand the connection that FWH now have. It's difficult to explain in words.
I know with my heart that FWH has learned an important lesson through all of this.

I appreciate your thoughts Bill!
Thank you again...
K

Maybe counseling is needed to further examine your husband childhood traumas to ensure this won't be a problem later on and you can sit back and enjoy the pregnancy. Now for myself, I understand how loosing a fetus is devestating. I had a miscarriage and I too experienced the desire to have another baby. Not to change your mind, but have you ever thought of not having another child but instead using all that love you have for one another to spend more time with each other. Infants take so much love, and by your post you already said that you have two other children. Having your children get older has the advantages of being able to spend more time with your spouse and have more couple time. Just thought I would share another angle with you.

Hi Kds,
thank you for your input.
I thought I'd have a few people in my corner here...LOL

But, I value the opinions of those who've been there like me.

We have discussed all these options ect...
It's not an easy decision to make by any means. I fully understand that it could go both ways...

Thank you again,
K

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I hear you.... But I really don't think there is a corner to be in here. You know when I was in a place similar to yours I couldn't see what was obvious to those looking in from the outside. I was fixated on the pregnancy. Heck, mine was also after a 6 month separation, so it's pretty obvious is retrospect where my marriage was.

That a few of us here have shared our concerns based upon our similar experiences, I hope you take time to explore that before proceeding. I don't know of your hubby's childhood issues but that's an EXTREMELY valid point she made. That many of your friends and family have expressed their concern based upon what they've viewed from the outside, I also hope you take some time to explore those.

This reminds me of an old saying "It's easier to look out a window than into a mirror".... I know at times in my life, my mom, or sisters, or friends could see a situation a lot better than me because I was standing in the middle of it and they had the opportunity to look at the whole picture.

In whatever you decide, God Bless....