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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25 |
Me, BS
Her, WS
D-day Aug 3/05
I have been using all the tips and ideas found on this web site and things have been going well. Until I did a little investigating on the OM. I made a phone call asking someone about him and she found out. This has set me back to square one. Can I get things back to where they were?
I know where I went wrong in the past and I amd changing myself to right the wrongs. I'm kicking myself now. What can I do?
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
Just wanted to tell you that you have every right to find out anything about the OM!
You should be open and honest to your WS about that...
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25 |
I know who he is. He works down the block from me. I called someone at his office to find out what he is driving. I'd never do anything to his vehicle but I wanted to know it if he drove by our home or where ever.
She has been honest but my trust has been broken and now I have broken hers. I said I would not contact him.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
Everyone has a right to defend their marriage. You my friend are operating in the dark, I understand why you are snooping and trying to find out information about him. I am not experienced with this , I am very new to all this affair stuff, but I know that there are seasoned survivers who will be more than happy to give you suggestions.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this but know that you are not alone.
Sincerely,
KD'S Heartbreak
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 106 |
Well, the way I see it...you are crossing your T's and dotting your I's.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. You have every right to find out and do your homework.
If she has nothing to hide, she will understand.
I mean when I called OW, at first FWH was upset that I had made contact with her (the A had been over 6 months prior). He explained that he was upset because I might of re-opened the can of worms. To which I stood tall, and strong and said: "I can do whatever I want, be it against you or with you...if you don't like it, it's because you have something to hide."
So, if you want to find out more...tell her!
Just be calm, honest and truthful. It's not a bad thing to want to know this stuff...
Keep us posted!
K
BW (Me) 32
WH 43
D-Day 5/25
DS-9
DS-3
In recovery with the help of God and many Angels.
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 2,033 |
Colinm,
Dude,
""I said I would not contact him.""
YOU DID NOT CONTACT HIM!! So what's the fuss?
Is your W still seeing the guy or has NC been established?
The snooping and investigating is so natural for the BS soon after Dday that it is almost an instinct. Maybe it is.
k
CORDUROY PILLOWS ARE MAKING HEADLINES!!
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25
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OP
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 25 |
The fuss is that she knows more people at his work than I do. She grew up here and I did not. She said I made her look like a fool. I wish now I didn't do it.
I think I really must act as though there had been no A ( to some degree). I must let it go, it's done and she is with me still. Am I doing the right thing?
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 1,892 |
Quote:
Am I doing the right thing
NO, if your WW is that angry, your odds are next to none that the A is over.
Read, read, read, and prepare yourself for the other shoe to drop.
How do I know?
We almost all believed and said the same things that you have.
She has made herself look like a fool. Don't take that " the best defense is a great offense" gobbledegook as she attempts to blame the victim.
Divorced:
"Never shelter anyone from the realities of their decisions": Noodle
You believe easily what you hope for ernestly
Infidelity does not kill marriages, the lying does
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