I am a WH. D-day was in March05. At that time, my W freaked and contacted OW and OWH and caused a major scene. I wanted to save M, so established NC with OW. Emotions have been on rollercoaster since, but M is better today. W occassionally asks if there has been contact, and I tell her there has not. However, here is my question: If OW ever sends an email to me in the future, does W really expect me to tell her, knowing another scene she may cause? I have been open and honest with everything, but I feel that it would be best to simply delete it without mentioning it.

Why not ask your W how she wants you to handle it. Agree with her and do what she suggests.

If she asks, tell the truth.

Even better, be proactive. Set up your e-mail so that it rejects her messages, get a new e-mail that she doesn't know, or only read your e-mail with her with you so she can delete such messages as they arrive.

Take her need for information and reassurance serious and work to earn her trust.

HTH,

T

Change Email, Phone #'s, Do whatever it takes to avoid contact. Most importantly, do whatever it take to make your W confident you are keeping your end of the NC agreement, and working on regaining trust.

HP,
Honesty is the best policy. You're trying to regain trust and you're not being open and honest if you delete it and don't tell her. I would suggest that you delete it without opening it, but let your wife know. (Maybe you should tell her and then delete it.) If you never open it then you can't react or reply and thus encourage the OW. She'll never know if you got it because you didn't respond and eventually, she'll quit trying and get the message that it's over.

As a BS, if my H had done what you are thinking about doing and I found out--and eventually we all find out--it would just cause more distrust and keep the marriage from moving forward.

Stumbling

I agree with confused, ask your wife what she would like you to do.

I asked my H to tell me if the ow ever emailed him, he said he would. I found an email (an old one) that he had not told me about. I freaked out and it ended up in an arguement, mostly because he did not tell me.

IMO, I want to know if she emails him. I want to read it, then I want him to delete it...AND I want him to block her butt from his account and I want her to be told she will be blocked from any account he may have (and I want to read this email and I want to hit the send button).

There is no guarantee with n/c letters, blocking them from email accounts, phones...I know. But, it is the act that can make us feel that we can trust more.

Your wife may be different, something else may be more comfortable for her. Ask her! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

.... wrong!

Another "emotional sceen" is ~exactly~ what should happen if OW has the bad judgement to try and contact you ... a really ugly sceen is sometimes what it takes to STOP the affair and future contact.

THANK GOD for your wife had the passion ~for you~ to instigate an emotional sceen. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You brought your wife to this party of infidelity .... and the emotionality is part of the consequences.

suck it up ---> (the rollercoaster dips and spins) with humility and gratitude <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .... and you may be able to recover and make a much better marriage.

Do you have kids?
Why did you give yourself permission to cheat?

HP,

You can block her email from your account...but don't ask me how to do it.

And if you receive and email, don't open it, but go get your W and say "look what just arrived"! Then she can open it, or you can open it together, or she can delete it.

I think the honesty of you telling about the email will thrill her more than the email itself will piss her off.

k

I think that you should IMMEDIATELY tell her. But, neither one of you should open the email. The way of an adultress.... LIES. I wouldn't dare expose myself to an email for my fww OM, but, I would definitely want to know it came... and for her to read it would be an insult to me. Think on that. But, if you were to simply reply to that email with a nice flaming, it would help your wife. Not line of communication, but a simple, I told you to not contact me anymore, ever...do it again and I call the police for the restraining order.

Those words could go miles to your recovery.