I RECEIVED A HORRIBLE EMAIL FROM H BECAUSE OF THE EMAIL I HAD SENT OUT TO EVERYONE EXPOSING THE AFFAIR. NOW I FEEL I HAVE REALLY MESSED UP I NEED ADVICE!!!


You did this to yourself and to our family.

You know what you did.

You know the manipulation and lies you weave to try and get what you want.

You crossed a line and you are now going to get a consequence.

You can stay in JXXXXX. You can tell everyone I abandoned you. You can do and say what you want because that's what you are saying to me to my friends over here.

I said to leave my friends alone. I said STOP. You have to go spend your precious time hunting people down and harrassing them. You better tell Suzi to stop too because there are people who are ready and very capable of pressing charges.

This isn't local police stuff you are doing. This is federal Internet harassment laws. You better stop and you better tell Suzi to stop...NOW.

I will not be coming back in October. You can tell the children as you slandered me unjustly and unfairly (AGAIN) I will not return to taste your madness.

You crossed a ****** line. Your madness is not going to be excused anymore. I am forwarding your ****** to Noele so she can see what a sick ****** you are.

I am so mad at you. Keep all the money you crook. Spend it all on cigarettes and coffee with your crazy friends. I am so glad you are watching over the children and taking care of the house. You don't seem to be so overwhelmed with kids to take time to harass my friends.

You better start explaining or all bets are off.

I am tired of being lied about and slandered and accussed of things I haven't done.

I have only tried to work with you and you do this to me.

Go to ******.

--------------------
Praying for a miracle!!!!!!

Sheesh, I hope you don't send him a dime, and also that you file for some support from him. You are not crazy NOW, but if you put up with his disrespectful treatment much longer, you will be crazy.

He is selfish and cruel to you. He is not being a man.

All I have done is perpetuate the situation.
By contacting everyone I only proved myself to be a psycho woman, I think I really made a mistake.
I again allowed myself to be fuelled by my emotions,not by my common sense.
What have a I gained?
NOTHING.
I feel really crappy, I think I crossed a line and even though I know part of his anger is the fact that he was exposed, my kids are the ones who will end up suffering.

Dear Fred's Wife,
I am waiting to hear from the more experienced posters to see what their slant is on this situation. I think I can guess what they are going to say. I know my wandering husband was extremely upset with me when he found out the dd and ds knew about his affair. He really got upset when I talked to O/W. I endured cussing, threatening to leave and partial packing, and then him threatening divorce.
I don't know why he stayed but he did.
Just remember though, even if it makes your husband file for divorce, was the situation any worse with him carrying on an affair with the o/w out of town, leaving you without any support. If you didn't do anything would your marriage have just died a slow, whimpering, death?
Don't you just hate riding this rollercoaster blindfolded?

Sincerely,
K.D's brokenheart

I got a similar response from My WW when I contacted her family and friends...she is still angry about it and uses it as an excuse for justification because she has no other. Don't take it to heart. It is not harrasment and you should not worry about that at all. Stand Steady and don't let him get to you & Certainly don' let him see it bother you he is just trying to manipulate right now. Apparently he and MY WW went to the same Babble/manipulation school <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

>You know what you did.

If you deign to respond:

You: Yes, I do.

>You know the manipulation and lies you weave to try and get what you want.


You: Manipulation? If you say so. I want to save my marriage, so sure...manipulation.

>You crossed a line and you are now going to get a consequence.


You: So did you...and you're being called on it.

>You can stay in JXXXXX. You can tell everyone I abandoned you. You can do and say what you want because that's what you are saying to me to my friends over here.


You: Okay. I'll tell them THE TRUTH.

>I said to leave my friends alone. I said STOP. You have to go spend your precious time hunting people down and harrassing them. You better tell Suzi to stop too because there are people who are ready and very capable of pressing charges.


You: Okay. Good luck to them.

(btw: you've exposed. do not contact them again unless they call you)

>This isn't local police stuff you are doing. This is federal Internet harassment laws. You better stop and you better tell Suzi to stop...NOW.


You: ROTFLMAO!

(really. I've not seen pufferfish blow up so much....you've taken away his control, so his natural instinct is to beat his chest and roar to see if it'll intimidate you...you gonna let it?)

>I will not be coming back in October. You can tell the children as you slandered me unjustly and unfairly (AGAIN) I will not return to taste your madness.

You: We'll see.

(side note: October is a long way away. If he doesn't come, LET HIM BE THE BAD GUY AND EXPLAIN WHY...you can tell them he isn't coming, but this is HIS decision, not yours..you can 'spain that you want daddy home, but don't let him make you be the one to splain why he won't come)

>You crossed a ****** line. Your madness is not going to be excused anymore. I am forwarding your ****** to Noele so she can see what a sick ****** you are.

You: What lies you and OW tell each other don't concern me - your whole relationship is based on a lie. The lies you tell me do - our relationship is based on something purer.

>I am so mad at you. Keep all the money you crook. Spend it all on cigarettes and coffee with your crazy friends. I am so glad you are watching over the children and taking care of the house. You don't seem to be so overwhelmed with kids to take time to harass my friends.


You: I will keep the money if you want me to. Since you were so kind as to put this request into writing, I hope you don't mind if I keep this letter just in case.

>You better start explaining or all bets are off.

You: Explain what? That I want to save our marriage? I think it's pretty self-explainitory.

>I am tired of being lied about and slandered and accussed of things I haven't done.

You: I'm tired too. Let's put this to rest.

>I have only tried to work with you and you do this to me.

You: Okay. Let's get to work.

>Go to ******.

You: BTDT. Got the t-shirt.

(you don't have to say that. it's pretty smart alecky, but I thought it, and I'm sure you thought it when you read it)

They ALL spew venom when exposure bursts their little bubble. It's part and parcel.

Are you going to take control of this sitution, or are you going to let his idiotic threats (and they are idiotic) get to you? Cos I know what he's hoping.

- Kimmy

FW, don't panic he is trying to intimidate you as they all do. Kimmy's response was right on with reverse babble.

Hang in there, Fred's wife.

Hi, fredswife.

That spitting, hissing thing that used to be your husband, just confirmed his plans to you.

Buried in the vitriolic banter was the fact that he never intended to come home in October, and that he had every intention of spending the 401k on something OTHER THAN YOUR FAMILY'S WELL BEING.

Everything else, he claims is your fault because you popped his little bubble that he constructed OUT OF YOUR PAIN. Remember feeling crazy because he was lying to you?

Don't you dare give in to this chump. Don't you respond to his empty threats. Don't talk to him about any of this. Don't apologize.

There are no internet police.

Go get calm, get yourself out of the obsessive cycle, and talk to all these people that have responded to you. You have been given excellent advice.

God bless,
Gimble

fredswife,

So he is willing to let this psycho *itch from ****** raise his children????

C'mon, I hope you are smarter than what you wrote and stronger than what you portray.

Gimble is SPOT ON. EVERYONE told you H would be meaner than a randyskunk, what did you expect ?

My own Squid was JUST a s spiteful.

You have bust his fantasy, he is angry and feels tupid so his rationlization engine just got turbocharged.

Be calm and collected and be a lighthouse. You have done the right thing.

If his afair and behaviour is so right and good, why is he ashamed it is now public ? he should be happy that his 'soul mate' is now public knowledge.

Be a lighthouse and watch WH writhe a bit.

THE NEXT EMAIL

1. You already involved the children with your wild antics months ago. So, screw you.

2. You are crazy and can't discern reality from suspicion from paranoid delusion.

3. You know exactly what you said in your aplogy and the impact it will have. So, screw you, again.

4. You suck at communication, not me. So, screw you for good measure.

5. You made life UNBEARABLE. That's why I left...you forget that impoprtant part. SO ****** YOU.

6. You are a wild dog whose word is worthless. So, ****** YOU TO ******.

7. You are not truly sorry and your actions in the next 72 hours will prove it. ****** YOU, Psycho.

third email

You are doing it again...manipulation.

Now it is the "poor distraught sympathetic soul" trick.

You have already dragged my name in the mud. You accuse me of doing things I did not do. You make something simple and innocent into something evil.

There is nothing else you can take from me. It is obvious you have no dignity. You certainly have stolen all of mine.

You have no self-restraint. You want everyone as miserable as you are. You are a wild animal.

You will break your rules because you don't abide by any code other than your own savagery. You lied about me in your veiled apology. You will cause more chaos when it serves you.

You have effectively destroyed me. You lured me into trusting you and you then used that to destroy me. Do what you want. Destroy your home. Destroy your family. Destroy your children's father. Nothing has any value except your anxieties.

Don't drag me into your foolishness. I DID NOTHING WRONG. I LISTENED TO YOU AND YOU IGNORED ME. I TOLD YOU THE TRUTH AND YOU LIED TO ME. I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU STABBED ME IN THE BACK.

You are evil. Just like Suzi.

You may want everything to be behind you, but you and your pitiful apology just made things worse for me. Way to go. You said just the right things to garner some sympathy. Why don't you say you are jealous. Why don't you say you drove me out of the family after years of your abusiveness. What about my years of trying to reconcile our lives and you stepped on my feelings without regard to anything I said. NOPE... you said I made you do those terrible things. Nice work.

You will snap soon. You cannot be restrained, even by yourself. I don't care anymore. My name is mud. If you make me into a monster then I will be a monster. I am not going to try to undo the damage you have done to my reputation.

Thanks for your love and support.

I would ignore the emails. He is flipping out. I hope he has not always been so self-serving and verbally abusive to you.

You need to get some counseling and support to deal with him.

I would NOT send him any money. I would secure my finances, and the retirement money and then file to force him to support you and the children.

It is quite obvious from his rantings that he never intended to do that. He was fine until you exposed him for what he is - a liar.

Did I miss something or did you apologize for exposing him? I wouldn't respond to his abuse.

Have you posted the email exposing him? If so, can you put in a link to it?

You are sick. I think you are schizophrenic. I am not a doctor, but your doctor who is a doctor should realize that you have symptoms of someone who believes things that aren't real and is grotesquely paranoid.

I don't like you, xxxxx. You have never been kind to me except when it serves you. I have always struggled around you. You make life hard and I am tired of it. Now you use all your time to harass not only Barbra, but her friends. You have reached a point where you don't even care if you break the law. How can you be trusted when you have no self-control?

First of all, I really truly enjoy my time with Barbra. That doesn't mean I am sleeping with her. She is not my adviser. She is not my lover. She is my friend and the only real friend I can remember. Why do I like her? She is peaceful. Not unlike Noele, she is a place of solace when you create chaos. You have always created chaos. You make harmless situations bad (my relationship with Barbra) and bad situations into nightmares (like my unemployment).

I don't see you as an asset in my life. You are harsh. You are emotionally unpredictable. You are unbalanced. You are the liar and manipulator. You evoke God in odd ways from one side of your mouth as you are cursing me and committing federal harassment crimes at the same time. I guess that's what Jesus would do. I do not believe you are a Christian. I just think you are crazy. Not unlike those street people who see things and hear things as they perfectly recite Scripture. Which one are you, xxxxx, a sinner or a saint?

Next, you need to realize that it is over between us. It is over. No more chances. No reconciliation. We will probably have a bitter divorce and you will do evil things out of your bitterness. You will try to humiliate me in front of my kids, my co-workers, what friends I still have. That's because you love me. You love me so much you have physically and emotionally attacked me and broken me down. This is nothing new. This is the way you have always behaved. No restraint. Well, I am not going to be blackmailed anymore. I did try to live with you peacefully, but you wanted to crush me. I reached out to you time and time again to tell you to stop your behavior. You always saw me as weak. And you made sure you proved to me and everyone around us that you had a bigger [censored]. Well, you win. Don't tell me you are weak. You seem to be able to manage a household and have time to harass people. Significant time. I get text messages from you at 2am in the morning because you are sick in the head. Your hate is so consuming that you live for it. I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or hate you. Every time I feel sorry for you, you make me regret it.... you know what, I don't feel sorry for you. I just want you to stay out of my life.

As promised, I am sending Dr. xxxxxx a complete history of your rantings, as well as a history of your felonies. She should know you have gone criminal. She should also know that I run away because of your chaos. I have often thought of killing myself when you acted like this. But, I have learned to toughen up like you said I should. Do you like me now? When I was polite and patient and listened, you ****** on me. You used and continue to use guilt to manipulate me. You use threats to manipulate me. And now, you have sunk to a whole new low. Witness for Christ my [censored]. You are just another crazy lady thumping her Bible. Well, I have learned to toughen up and simply take your threats and endure your guilt trips. It doesn't matter what I do because in your eyes I am already guilty (don't confuse you with the facts).

I got news for you. TAKE YOUR MEDICATION. You are sick. You are dangerous. You cannot be trusted because in your mind everything you promise can be undone because you imagine I did something to harm you. You IMAGINE things or you are LYING about things...which is it?

The huge mess I left you with...? That would be what? All you need to do is put the kids on the bus. Stretch money as far as you can. And, tell me when things are getting difficult. That's all. Nothing has changed. There is no big huge mess. YOU CREATED THE MESS. You simply spend your time foolishly. Go to bed at a decent hour (10:00). Rise up at a decent hour (7:00). Leave me and anyone else you don't know in California ALONE. Find something productive to do. When you are done try to have some "me" time which does not include you harassing my friends or stirring up a paranoid delusion. Try knitting. Stay off the Internet because it will just entice you to be destructive.

As far as moving is concerned, I want my kids close to me. You want to move to Colorado? Fine. This is more of your vindictive ******. You won't like it there and the kids won't like it there. Then, you will blame me for sending you out to Colorado. Do what you want. You want direction. I frequently give you direction and then you don't listen to me.

You want me to sign for you to sell the house...leave me and my friends alone. I will sign nothing until I get a job. That means when you freak out AGAIN in the next 3-6 weeks, and you do your destruction AGAIN, I can tell you how your lack of self-control is now going to keep you in xxxxxxx

Don't lie to yourself anymore. I was fine about selling the house and bringing you all to be near me in California. But, you have proven you are just a wild dog. I hope you feel shame. I hope you feel terrible personal embarrassment for proving to me how much lower you could go. Keep going... I am sure you have nothing positive to offer anyone. You live for destruction and chaos and anxiety and hate and lies and manipulation and threats.

No one is laughing at me. Those are your demons. Your two oldest children are starting to see you as you really are. I don't have to say anything about you. Your actions speak volumes. I don't have to tell Noele or Barbra you are crazy. You prove it irrefutably.

I gave you countless opportunities to stop your abuse. You did not listen. So I am walking away from you because I don't want that in my life anymore. I made allowances for you. No more. I lost track of what is NORMAL for a life. It certainly is not your years of chaos. Blame whoever you want. The reality is that it is your fault.

I will no longer be your source of encouragement. You have slandered me for the last time. I tried to be kind to you, but you stabbed me in the back. I did nothing wrong but seek out people who are positive and encouraging and helpful. You should be very jealous and angry and spiteful. After all, I only gave you 20 years to be that for me. I'm still waiting.

I have been gone 8 long weeks. I miss the kids. I spend hours in my cemetery room working. I have responsibilities. I don't come and go much but when I do, I come and go as I please because I am an adult. YOU have always come and gone as you pleased. YOU have always spent money as you pleased. YOU make plans as you please.

MORE ****** YOU ACCUSE ME OF...
*I don't call the kids regularly (nice guilt trip).
*I don't answer email regularly (another try)
*My phone is usually off...(are you delusional about my phone being constantly off?)
*I never encourage you and never try to include you in my day-to-day life (not anymore as you don't seem to remember my efforts or make little of them).
*I always scream at you. (You are the guilty party)

Your life is crazy because you made it that way. You never loved me and now that I am leaving, you want to convince me I am the love of your life. The threats and the harassment and the false accusations and the slander and the total disrespect of me as a person have all convinced me of your devotion. I AM AN OBJECT OF POSSESSION.

You always accuse me of sleeping around (long before Barbra).
You always accuse me of stealing from you.
You always accuse me of saying bad things about you.
You always accuse me of being lazy and irresponsible.
You always accuse me of not loving my children.
You always accuse me of not being encouraging.
You always accuse me of not being patient.

NOT GUILTY.

You are a sick person or an evil person and I have to get away from you. When I die I don't want my only accomplishment to be "the guy who kept xxxxx from unraveling."

When you can demonstrate to me that you can be sane and civil and you are on some kind of medication, we can again talk about things. But, the boundary is going to be very clear. I know all your tricks now. Your advantage was always my naivete. Not anymore.

I don't want to harm you, so leave me alone.

WELL THESE ARE SOME OF THE EMAILS I RECEIVED TODAY.
LIKE I TOLD YOU I THINK I CROSSED A LINE, I THINK I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS.
ANY HOPE AND CHANCE I HAD OF SAVING MY MARRIAGE IS NOW OVER.
NO, I DIDN;T WANT TO KEEP ACCEPTING THE LIES, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW HOW BAD THINGS WERE GOING TO GET.
NOW MY KIDS WHO WERE PLANNING ON SPENDING A WEEK WITH THEIR DAD ARE GOING TO MISS OUT BECAUSE OF ME.
MAYBE MY H IS RIGHT, I DO THINGS WITHOUT THINKING OF THE CONSEQUENCES, AND THE EMAIL I SENT OUT HAS HIM TURNING INTO A NUTCASE RIGHT NOW

Fredswife, believer is dead on.

There was mention of a veiled apology in his email. Don't apologize to him at this point. You have done nothing wrong.

Everyone here knows that you have contributed to the condition of your marriage, pre-affair. That is standard fare. Now is not the time to apologize for that. He can't receive it. If you do apologize now, he will simply see it as weakness and attempt to exploit it. Please see the example of that fact in his last two emails.

Lose your guilt for now, fredswife, it will only do you harm.

Continue to protect your kids. Block his email or change your email address to something he doesn't know. If he calls, stick to your script and mantra. If he gets verbally abusive, hang up the phone and unplug it. Don't deviate.

God bless,
Gimble

"The huge mess I left you with...? That would be what? All you need to do is put the kids on the bus. Stretch money as far as you can. And, tell me when things are getting difficult. That's all. Nothing has changed. There is no big huge mess. YOU CREATED THE MESS. You simply spend your time foolishly. Go to bed at a decent hour (10:00). Rise up at a decent hour (7:00). Leave me and anyone else you don't know in California ALONE. Find something productive to do."

This guy is blaming you for HIS actions. Exactly what productive thing is he doing while you are taking care of his children.

If you cannot see through his rantings, please get some counseling to help you in this sad time. You do not deserve his treatment. His kids do not deserve his poor treatment.