"A fact unknown to many is that fifteen to twenty percent of all married couples end their lives permanently separated." (See the link in my sig for "What is Plan A/B?")
This is couples that are NOT divorced, for whatever reasons. Religious, financial, etc.

My mom and dad have been seperated for 26 years...divorce is just not an option for them.

My parents have been separated for 19 years. I don't see them ever divorcing. I can't say I see them getting together again and under the circumstances I hope that never happens.

When I tell people they are married but separated since I graduated high school they are baffled by it. I have never met anyone else with parents who have been separated for years like mine.

My mother is die hard religious and refuses to break her vow to God or to allow my father to do that. She realizes that because of my fathers abusive behavior and multiple affairs she's not held to her vow but she still refuses to divorce. She is waiting for God to save her H and her M. She has faith. For me it's sad. My mother is a wonderful person with so much to offer. She is now living out her retirement years alone and lonely and still waiting. She should have had a better life. She chooses not to.

Symphony

Sorry, I read this totally wrong, so ignore the sarcasm this post replaces.

T

Here's a question for the religiously conservative. If you've been separated from your spouse for years, with little or no contact, yet you are legally still married, why are you still married in the eyes of God?

Think about it. Does God need the state of New York to tell him a marriage is disolved? I know some people believe God doesn't recognize divorce unless under the most dire circumstances. Many people believe God does recognize that some people are unable to live together. If you are in that group, does God wait until the temporal court declares you divorced? If so, why?

If you've been separated from your spouse for years, with little or no contact, yet you are legally still married, why are you still married in the eyes of God?
Huh?
You are still married in the eyes of God (& the law) because you have not done anything to NOT still be married in the eyes of God.

Does God need the state of New York to tell him a marriage is disolved?
No. However, New York is not God. So if you do not want to be married, get a divorce.

But, the bible say man should follow & obey the laws of man.

KJV Titus 3-1
"Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,"

KJV Peter 2;13-15
"Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well. For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:"

Okay, Chris, I get the first part. If you haven't done anything to get divorced, than I can see how you are still married in the eyes of God.

I think what I am struggling with is the religious, spiritual and legal aspects of marriage and divorce. In some religions, if you marry outside the religion, you are not considered married in the eyes of God. Therefore, even if you are not divorced, you aren't even married. That is an example of the religious segment and some of its pitfalls.

Using the same example, you may have been spiritually married, whether or no, God and the religious establishment recognized it. However, if you've been living separate lives for years, you are spiritually divorced.

Legally, the whole thing varies from state to state.

And I wonder about common-law marriage, where you may be legally married by common-law, and even emotionally married, yet not married in the eyes of the church. Then, if you separate, you may have to go through divorce proceedings, but you were never married in the church, so are you really still married?

The whole question is really very complicated for me, and I see lots of grey areas. OTOH, I recognize that many people on this board, for religious reasons, see no in betweens.

We are not instructed to see "in betweens". You're either hot or cold, lukewarm and he'll spit you out. That said, my mother has been separated for 13 years, from her 4th husband, and has lived with 3 or 4 men. She professes to be a christian, and says that she wants a divorce, but jokingly says that "commonlaw" they're already divorced. I believe personally that We make vows before God, and someone authorized to sign a certificate, so the same applies to divorce, (to give a bill or decree of divorce). It goes back to I myself just can't live "up in the air" about things, and I don't think that our Father wants us to either. It's all a test of character also.

Does anyone do this because it is the most practical option? Not just for religion.

I am separated, from an abusive man. I do not want to raise my kids in an abusive home, but I also do not want to raise them with step-parents. I am fighting very hard to keep the marriage going, and so is he. But, perhaps we never see it favourable to live together under the same roof? Then what? I think that permanently dating each other may just be a very delightful alternative... If we can start agreeing on ways to enjoy each other again, which is beginning to happen (albeit very slowly), perhaps we will love each other enough to be faithful and still share time together and tend to each other's needs, without being in each others faces where the pattern of abuse is very likely to re-emerge ... Give me your thoughts!

Saaash, I have heard of people who live apart but remain married in all other aspects. It sounds difficult to me, but much safer for you. Is your H getting help with his anger and abuse?

FC777, I know many christians believe as you do. My church doesn't teach me there are no in betweens. Besides, God created me so that I could see colors, not just black and white, and I could feel a myriad of temperatures.
I might buy your arguement though. If God needs the acknowledgement of mankind that a marraige has taken place, than he probably needs the piece of paper about divorce.

Here's my 2 cents. My parrents are very conservative and my views differ from theirs and from my probably many very conservative Christians on this site. With that said. I look at the bible back to Adam and Eve. They had no magistrate, no priest, they had no one to usher in their marriage. The bible doesn't say they were the only people on the earth, he says they were the first two. But, irregardless. They had no marriage, yet they were by most accounts married.

So, I believe this and take it for a grain of salt. If find someone that no matter what you are willing to spend the rest of your life with, and their feelings are reciprocated, then the ritual of marriage is to make it real to you, to make sure you realize what level of commitment you are making. God refers to his bride as the church. There was no ritual, no ceremony for that to occur, it just was / is. Just as God, just is and always has been with no beginning, so is love. Even after a divorce one may still love the other, but realize that things cannot be worked out. God loves us even if we divorce him... By that I mean separate ourselves from him, even if we become satan worshippers, he still chooses to love us, but he has well established consequences if we separate ourselves from him through rejection of him, sin, and evil. He divorces us at the points where we completely reject him.

I think that's a perfect example as to why I do not believe God views Divorce as a sin. Culturally, socially, maybe we view it as that, because of the amount of pain and damage it can do.

So, I believe, that if by God's own admonishon that we can be eternally separated from God through our own rejection of him, so can we be eternally separated from a spouse for just reasons. No, this doesn't mean marriage should be taken lightly or on a whim. God doesn't send people to ****** on a whim. He has patience and a level of unconditional love that I don't believe any human except Christ can show.

So, with that said, I open myself up to a ton of criticism from highly conservative christians. If I am wrong, I ask god to forgive me and to teach me the truth. But, God is to be our example, we are to believe in him through faith and through the examples he's set forth to us in his word.