Well, I think I've really had it this time. OW called me again yesterday and yelled at me for talking to her H. The funny thing is that I haven't talked to her H in a week. When I do talk to him I tell WH right away. I think her H is telling her I'm calling when I'm not. I can't trust that guy...I'm trying to help him save his family and he tries to screw mine up.

well I would suggest using a go between someone you trust to be with the kids while he vists. He has questions about kids, vists and the such use them instead of talking to him directly. I tried just keeping to subject matter with mine but he always got ugly and I would hang up on him. So now I make arrangements for him to vist with dd2 through his mom.Or my att. which ever. I will not speak to him when he is acting like an a$$. I have been through enough with him and am totally dark here. I have not returned a pnone call or answered one since wed. If he persists then I will result to legal means.

bumping this for ML, Believer & other experienced MB's....

Trixie,

I am not terribly familiar with your story and not the person to give you advice. I have been through something of what you are describing though. OW would call my WH saying that I had called OWH when I actually had not either. That is weird. Could this be a typical OW pattern?? WH eventually believed me over OW.

OW would call WH & go on & on, saying that she wanted to call me or come see me.

How long have you been doing Plan A? Do you think you could manage it a while longer? I hope our experienced MB posters can help you with your direction.....

Take Care!

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS, age 5
Married 13 years
Re-exposed last week......WH going on night 9 of sleeping in other room

Trixie, all communication should be handled via a designated intermediary. Try to set up firm visitation schedules - attached to your Plan B letter - so that you can limit any communication. He should not be allowed in the house. He can come pick the kids up and you can deliver to the car OR possibly deliver them to the intermediary's home and he can visit there.

Also, I wouldn't suggest DENYING that you have been in touch with the OWH. If they accuse you of this, tell them you will contact the OWH any time you see fit and WHY THE ****** NOT? Stop getting defensive about it, they are the ones who have something to be defensive about.

Tell your H to tell that sleazy ho-bag that the next time she calls you, you will get a restraining order against her. In fact, I would call the police NOW and look into it. Tell them also that she came into your house while you gone and did it with your H.

Why shouldn't WH be allowed to visit children in our home? I don't even know where my WH is staying now. I though I might have my sister come over to be here when he gets here and again before he leaves so that I won't have to see him. Didn't I read that Mortarman let his wife visit with his children while he went to another part of the house? I think I would feel better if they were at my house. What do you think, Melody?

lwar, the reason its not a good idea to let the WS in the house is because they get a home "fix." The purpose of Plan B is to show them what life would be like if they are seperated/divorced, without the family and the best way to do that is not allow them back in the house. Letting him in while you go to another part of the house defeats the purpose and just makes it easy for him. It protects him from seeing the reality of what life will be like as a divorced person. Additionally, it is a good idea to change the locks so they CAN'T come in.

And no, Mortarman did not let his W in to visit the children. She had to collect them at the door and he blocked her entrance.

Iwar.....you should start your own thread if you have your own questions...that being said.

Having the WS in your house with you in it isn't exactly plan B.....they will bait you into talking to them, thus fulfilling needs that you're supposed to be depriving them of. If you don't feel comfortable having the WS leave with the children, then you need to find someone as an intermediary, as Mel said, someone you trust that can be there while your WS visits with the kids, and this should be a SCHEDULED thing.....he shouldn't be able to drop by unannounced to see the children, have him contact your intermediary and propose a time, the intermediary would then clear it with you when it's convenient for you both (the intermediary and you....not the WS).

Plan B is hard, I know, I failed miserably at it, I was WAY too interested in what my WH was doing.....it can't, it won't work like that, you have to be able to remove yourself from their lives, remove yourself from the chaos, I know that more than a few people told me this, and I didn't....COULDN'T follow their advice, it was too painful for me, I was warned that I wasn't ready for Plan B, but I went headlong into it anyway......make sure your ready, make sure your plans are in place for any event.....because even though your WS seems to not give a tiny rats @$$ about you, when you deliver the letter stating you will no longer be speaking/interacting with them....they are going to push back.....by showing up and pounding on the door, by calling your 3000 times, by leaving a million voice mail messages....etc. Be prepared for anything they throw at you, BEFORE you deliver that letter.

-Caren

Hi Mel...LOL, we cross posted....your idea is better....but I was worried that the WS in this case may take the kids to the dreaded love nest.

-Caren

It's really not that hard. The WS can visit the kids at an intermediary's home, and the easist solution: take them out to dinner and/or movie. The WS should get a strong dose of what it will be like as a divorced person. Cutting off entrance to the family home enhances the effect of Plan B with a strong dose of reality.

thanks, everybody.