Calm down lynn. Lots of people get OT from MB, lots of times. Way further OT than this one got too. Tryin, in reference to her mil taking in ow/oc asked the question, "what about me?", and she got answers to that particular question.

Also, (as if it even matters to you)--but tryin mentioned her ow has 2 children in total. Just how do 2 kids make a 'herd' or a 'passel'? If that's so, most of us here have a herd, or passel, heck I guess you and I have a sh*t load by those standards. Why don't you stick to the facts? Not as much fun as putting an ow in an even worse light?

Which brings me to the dig you made about NTMO's offer to help a single mom. If you read what she actually said, you'd see she is offering to shelter a single mom w/ kids. As in her OWN house. Makes sense and is the wise thing to do, seeing as SHE is a single mom too, don't you think? I'd think you'd be glad she's not offering to shelter a MM and family in her house.

Also, I'm the first to scoff at doing things solely for 'politcal correctness', but if what this woman is doing is considered politically correct, then I'm all for her being PC. She is lending a helping hand to her fellow man as we're all instructed to do. Furthermore, this fellow man HAPPENS to be her grandchild for goodness sake. Is she supposed to take in her gc, and tell the child's mother and sib to go fly a kite, and good luck getting on some list? Separate children from their mother? Or would you not even find it suitable that the mil take in just the oc?

I give this mil a lot of credit. From the sounds of it, this ow has caused her a lot of grief, and yet she found it in her heart to set the crap aside for a time, and help out her grandchild, as well as gc's mother and sib. Tryin even mentioned how she used to encourage her mil to have a R with the OC and to have joy in her heart over having this gc--perhaps that knowledge is partly what the mil based her decision upon?

You think she should help with the Humane Society instead when she has the opportunity to help her own grandchild? What? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Are you for real autumn? Why don't you get grip?

The point is; Tryin came here is to get her feelings out, which I think she had very valid concerns. We have no idea what the OW has put this family through. And for another, it was a very devastating hurricane...
Guess what ...it happens all the time. Tragedies happen all the time.

My house was burnt right to the ground: I lost everything including pets.... I would rather live in tent with my kids... I would find another way... but it would be ****** freezes over before I would ever live with the OW or her freakin family.

But I guess that just me. My guess is that this OW had other choices... and other family....other places.(God knows it appears this woman has been around.) You can make choices that can help the family without upsetting others. MIL could have still directly help this family without moving her into her house.

I suspect that Tryin has just about had enough of this lady. She has the right to have her feelings validated. I, for one, am going stick right by her. I am not sure, just hunch, but I believe for someone feel this strongly must have a bigger story to tell. I understand completely, I know I sure and ****** would have not liked it. And Tryin was being honest, she was airing on the Chritian side (of course) but she sure and the ****** doesn't have to like it.

But I do know; that Tryin needs someone just to stand beside her and put their arms around her and tell her feelings are important. And if others think that she is being selfish or insecure and they are only focusing just on the hurricane..they have miss the meaning of her original post.

As far as Lynn goes, she is bloody breathe of fresh air.. we need someone with her strong insight. If people are so freakin upset about her posting then don't bloody well read it.

People are entitled to air their feelings here right?

Sheesh

Yep wiz, they sure are, and that's why I expressed mine.

No where in my post did I say I believe tryn is selfish or insecure or should like what her mil did.

In fact, if I were tryin and knowing how *I* am, I'd probably be even more upset than she is and seriously think about cutting il's out of my life forever with no looking back.

Based on tryin's original question, the debate went to whether what the mil did was right or wrong. What I was trying to do was think about this from the mil's pov. I think what she did was a decent thing~~taking in her grandchild in a time of need. With the knowledge that her dil has encouraged her in the past to have a R w/ this child.

I'm quite sure she'd do the same for her son who is a (former) liar and a cheat, why is it so wrong to do it for his child?

By understanding why and how this mil was able to do what she did, in NO way means I do not understand nor think poorly of tryin's view. I can empathize with and understand both tryin and her mil.

As far as LyinG's post, I wasn't 'freakin upset' about it, but a few things stuck out to me~~primarily the dig that was way off base and completely wrong information. I merely started a whole new thread so as not to TJ.

As far as THIS board, and THIS topic of Marriage Building goes, what the mother in law has done is rude, crude and disrespectful to her son and his wife. The MIL has been told that it is upsetting and yet still harbors the ow in her home. That is very upsetting to Tryin and understandably so. NTMO only concern is for the ow/oc. That is hardly supportive of the married couple, as the ow/oc have nothing to do with the marriage.

As far as passle of children, whatever, she has more then one, which is a passle, so since I have 3 of my own and 1 other teenager living in my home, I have a passle too.

Keeping to the point of my lash at NTMO is her constant beating of the poor ow/oc mantra that never ceases. Considering this is a MARRIAGE BUILDING site, what the couple choses to do or not do is none of the concern, care or business of the ow/oc. If this wife is upset, she has a right to be, and as a wife, I will support her. She has feelings too, and Hurricane or not, she is due respect.

As for the Hurricane and the thousands and thousands of people who have lost so much, and YES the animals do need help too.....the whole country is pitching in. But, why should a person who doesn't like what her MIL has done called selfish? Is she expected to just accept any treatment? Couldn't the same argument be said of ow here? Isn't she selfish to go to this family in the first place? That argument could be made also. What about the father of the other child?

The point is that Tryin is upset at actions taken and feels bad about it. She deserves compassion and a suppotive ear. Not to be called selfish by an ow.

And I will support Tryin 100%. I think she should grab her husband and get a POJA going and then, as a united front, cut the MIL out of their lives.

Bottom line, this woman has a right to be upset and angry. And she is far from selfish.

Lynn, you have got to be IMHO one of the most closed minded people I've ever met! You twist everything any xow says and put your own version into it! It's very disturbing.

I was NOT surporrting the ow/oc............and so what if I was! Let not forgot who really put Tryin in this mess!

That goes both ways Lynn. She asked a question! I answered it NOT from a OW point of view but from a person who is ONLY seeing the devastation of the hurrican.

This situation has NOTHING to do with the AFFAIR! NOTHING!

As far as your post that AD mentioned how you twisted my words..........(which is typical of you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />) I did offer and sign up to take a SINGLE MOTHER W/KIDS into my home. The fact of the matter is I could have taken a Mm and his family in, but I have my kids to think about! MY GOD Lynn, you in mho have got to be so heartless at times!

Why don't you treat your husband with your vile that you treat every xow you've come across! YOUR HUSBAND'S PUT YOU IN THIS MESS!

I have not read what you've written to me as of yet, but you never ever read what I write! You ALWAYS put words on my keyboard that I never said, and your fuel the fire!

So now your saying that the ow could have gone somewhere else and not taken her mil's offer..............she could go to other family. DID YOU NOT READ that trying said she has probaly lost her entire family in the hurrican? SHE HAS NO FAMILY!

At this point, the ow probaly thought she had no other options except the streets or the shelters where woman are being raped and the living conditions are very bad with people going to the bathroom all over the place and even worse! Dead people lying around.

I did give compassion to Trying. If my best friend was in the same situation and she came to me I'd tell her the same Da*N thing. And btw...........my best friend in real life here is a bw who has two oc's. She knows ALL about my stitch as well! She babysits my daughter at times when I need her too. We were both there for each other through out our entire ordeals and held each other up! Which included giving tough love to each other. You need to stop and read then read again then even read a third time before you start accusing and being so darn MEAN to people.

Humanity is just that! God knows so many people are waiting for housing and dying after the fact due to the cirucmstances and have NO ONE to take them in. So many survived the hurrican, survived getting to shelter only to die days and weeks later for the aftermath of the hurrican. YOUR RIGHT I see this as only the HURRICAN and not the AFFAIR! Plain and simple. Cause that is what it is! Of course her feelings are validated. This woman HELPED create the situation. But my gosh people, are we to pick and choose our family? Wheather you like it or not, that OC will ALWAYS be your family regardless if you own or not own up to him/her. There blood runs through them just as much as your kids blood runs through them. It's just a fact.

AD think you so much for seeing what I wrote for what I wrote and understanding what I said. I know how hard it is for you to really open up here. Cause when you do people start to put your OLD life title on you and you took a chance on that for the right thing to do. It means so much to me. I'm sorry for the wrath you took for me.

Tryin is UPSET about this. IT IS ABOUT THE AFFAIR. Tryin is UPSET THAT HER HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY ARE HARBORING HIS AFFAIR PARTNER. Good lord. Why on earth do you not see that? Or does her life have to revolve around what is best for ow/oc now???

She is not posting at a Hurricane Help board. She is posting at a Marriage Support board and her feelings on this ow coming back into her orbit. WHY CAN'T SHE BE UPSET ABOUT THAT??????????? WHY CAN'T SHE COME TO A MARRIAGE SITE AND ASK FOR ADVICE ON HER SITUATION AND FEELINGS?

Like it or not NTMO, Tryin matters. You can sit back and say "well it is her husbands fault" which is OW speak for "well I don't have to take responsiblity, it was HIS marriage, I don't owe his wife a thing" As if society rules and common decency don't apply to OW. Now that OW is hurting, suddenly the only decent thing for the BW to do is to show some deceny? SHE IS. She is trying. I might add showing far more class, grace and dignity then that ow ever has. Afterall, if society lived as ow types, we would all turn our backs on those and say "it's not my responsibilty, etc...." Good thing society does not live by the moral code of ow.

I am not a cold hearted woman in anyway. Yet I do have not one ounce of care or sympathy for any ow that comes on this board and has the simple minded, self absorbed gall to call any wife selfsih, no matter what the reason. ca You have habitually and for a long time been on this board taking up for ow/oc across the land and using your passive aggressive swipes at INNOCENT hurting women.


The only person who matters here, is Tryin and her feelings of hurt and uncertainty. Heck didn't she state origianlly that she was understanding of the situation but that it was bugging her? How much more honest and kind can she be? She IS trying her best to sort this out and just wanted help, and you, in your typical way, take a swipe at her. Somehow SHE is wrong in this situation in your eyes. The ONLY selfish people in this scenario are the husband/his mother/the other woman. PERIOD.

You are the one who twists things all the time, and suddenly the ow/oc should matter more then any BW anywhere.
Well I am going to fight back and say NO. The ow/oc and their wants/needs need have no bearings on any wife UNLESS SHE CHOSES TO.

Once again Lynn I will ask you to read then read again, and read it again for the third time before you respond.

I never EVER said she did not have compassion now did I? Show where I did. I said I thought it was selfish. She asked, I gave my opinion. You can't spew yours all over and expect everyone to agree with you then when someone especially an ow does not twist there words and say they are not saying things that they never said and stirr the pot.

This is not about ow. It's not about the affair. NO this is not the hurrican support board. But huminanty is huminaty.

I accept you feel the way you do. I'm not going to sit here and argue the same points that you bring up that have nothing to do with the price of china over and over again with you. It's useless. You see it how you want. I never said anything about not taking resonsbility as well. In fact I would say that most of the xow's I know have taken the brunt end of the responsbility not only with oc, but the fault and blame. All of your post say it over and over and over. You can't see the forest through the trees and that is your thing, not mine.

I have nothing else to say to you except I hope that one day you can see that not only can YOUR husband change, so can the ow's. It's not a one way street Lynn. I think your famous last words are Everyone takes a piece of the hurt.

Oh yeah, one more question for you. Why is it that when regular threads are going on we don't really see you posting, but when an xow shows up your all over it like butter on bread?

I have been quite busy for the last 8 months or so. When I was told of the treatment that Tryin was getting from another poster, I came and read.

You have done it again, here. You say this is about humanity, blah blah blah. No it is not. She was here, as a BW struggling with an issue related to the affair and the resulting oc situation. How the heck is that not affair related??????????

You are, by calling it a "humanity" situation, belittling her feelings and her hurt. Calling her selfish for not seeing what pain others are suffering, etc. Suddenly it is her feelings that are in the wrong here. THAT IS WHEN I COME OUT AND POST. It is so wrong to do that to her. This IS an affair issue.

If she was posting this at a Hurricane Support Board it would be different. But she is on a MARRIAGE BUILDING SITE and therefore the issue is her, her feelings and her marriage. PERIOD. As usual, all you see is how wrong it is for ow/oc and blah blah blah. When she had already stated that she felt bad about the disaster, but she had these feelings. Why beat her with the "selfish" word?