Pep:

""Should I move on with my life?"

HUH? Is there an alternative you can think of? Move backwards?"

Yeah, I can think of one: "Move off!"

As in, "You're standing on my foot!"

Moving on, off, left, right, up, down, are all lousy metaphors for recovery.

What they really say, in my view is "blow off", as in:

"I think it's time you blew off your marriage!"

Sounds like the work wasn't done, put that way. Doesn't it?

-ol' 2long

Yes,an alien uttering 'move on' is a horse of a different color and more likely to leave a bitter taste in ones mouth.

What I thought the alien "move on" meant when my FWH said it to me: "Move on and find someone of your own so I'm not the only one in our M feeling guilty about breaking our vows."

Hmmm....this is interesting. I have gravitated to the "moving on" point.

When spoken by the alien WS, I think means: "I'm blowing off this marriage. I want you to take up with someone else so I don't have to feel so guilty about what I've done. Please help me to feel like less of a jacka$$."

For me, moving on has become part of the progression. I've moved through denial, pain and anger. Not that I don't feel any of those anymore but they don't dominate my day. I'm moving to becoming more proactive about what is happening. I'm taking more control of my life. I am in charge. Do I still love my husband? I'm pretty sure that I still do. He would have to make an extraordinary effort to come back into my life. I think that if we came to a point where we decided to start recovery, it would be a true one. I'm more in tune with my emotions and my needs now. I can visualize a life without him. I'm climbing out of the pit. I have moved on.

This was my WS's idea of 'moving on' for both of us, trying to give a lost soul (me) some 'direction': he told me that in a few years I would also have someone else in my life, and we (the foursome) would all be able to have a drink over the whole 'affair'. How's that for a 'set of instructions' before leaving.

Like Grapegirl's WS, I think he wanted some assistance with his guilt but was afraid to ask.

I guess some people around us suggest that we 'move on' for other reasons: friends/family may be tired of hearing the same story (when I pick up on this, I 'move on' to another subject), or care about us and it hurts them to see us in such pain (so I try not to call on the same people), or do something as opposed to not doing 'anything' (as if that is possible - even standing in one spot is doing something).

Anyway, thanks, Pep, for getting us to reflect of such a highly used "cliche".

This is a great thread.

I lied to myself about moving on, when the secrets cramped deep down in the dark crevaces of my soul KNOW that the words "moving on" were something I said with a deep breath, and a pasted on smile. For the world. For me. When in reality, it is not working as well as I thought it was.


HEY....my move on is broken.

UGH!

I got my move on with the help of anti-depressants.