I have 19 days until my wedding and I have never been more confused. I love this woman. But I feel that I may have loved her more in the past. My heart has become scarred and hardened towards her because of revelations of her past. I found out two years ago that she has had 36 partners. Before her I had 5. I have read some of the other posts and see how some are having problems with the fiances having kissed someone before them. This number is so appaling to me. I don't know if I have ever gotten over this or ever will. I am not sure that I look at her the same even though she is a different person now. Several of them are in her group of friends, so I had the fortune of meeting about 4 or 5 of her ex partners. Our relationship summarizes missionary dating as a whole. She has changed so much, but there are always little subtle hints of who she used to be. I have forgone having a bachelor party because I don't believe one should celebrate beginning their new life by having one last wild night. She on the other hand couldn't wait for hers. I have had to hold her hand and walk her through every aspect of Christianity. Does it sound like I resent her in a way? I am not sure. I just wish things could have been easier. I am afraid that in our marriage it may be unequally yoked, and it will lead to a disaster. Am I being judgemental and unforgiving? I wonder, would I be better off with a woman who hasn't been down this path. Pray for me. Time is short and I need the clarity that only God can deliver. Some advice could help too.

My advice would be to postpone the wedding. It is not fair to you BOTH to marry when you are unsure how accepting you can be of her past and your differences.

So, my vote would be postpone, and see a counselor together...then decide if you still want to be married.

((((Confused))))

I'm with Kam...starting a life together when you are feeling such strong, negative emotions is not a way to start a new chapter in your life.

I understand this is a difficult situation. Many people will be hurt and not understand. However, they are NOT part of this equation. They are not marrying this woman, you are.

Postpone the wedding. Get a good marriage counselor and then decide.

I feel saddness for you and I'm sorry you are dealing with this. ((((Confused)))

(((Confused))))

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Thank you for your advice. Sorry I haven't responded sooner. Through counseling (Christ centered counseling) I have gained some clarity on the issue. She carries a lot of scars which he says over time can heal. But for them to heal, I have to be willing to love her unconditionally. What drives me nuts is that after a counseling session, she is so great. She sees things clearly. But give it a day and it seems to fade away. It is like she is two different people sometimes. One that I want to marry and the other I don't. An assistant Pastor from my Church called me today. I had confided in him several weeks earlier. It was kind of out of the blue that he called me. He called me at a time where I was feeling much more secure about the marriage. He was asking me some really tough questions which I felt confident in aswering. But after I got off the phone with him, I started to wonder where he was coming from. Did he feel that the marriage should not happen? Was God imparting that on his heart? There goes my second guessing self again. Once again, pray for me. I can really use some confirmation right now. Thanks to you all who have hearts to keep a total strangers best interests in mind. Just so you know on the time update, 5 days to go.

I feel so sorry for you. It is a tough pill to swallow. In addition the fact that her group of friends she hangs with includes 4 guys she slept with would be very difficult to take. You would have to associate with them at parties knowing that they all slept with her. I strongly suggest postponing the wedding and think about finding somebody within your core values and believe that you could truly respect. I doubt in the long run you will be able to respect her. Find someone who is more like you and you will be happier. I think you will be heading for a real disaster if you marry her. I wish you luck.