Okay, Dazed, first the legal stuff. You MUST put SIL in touch with your lawyer and make sure the lawyer, at a minimum, gets a signed statement from her - affidavit would be even better. The stuff she told you, if true and in writing that she can later be impeached with if she backs off, is fantastic for the custody issue. First, it shows WW is not doing what is in DD's best interest. Second, it shows that she is attempting to perpetrate a fraud on the court by withdrawing the Divorce Petition until she can get her custody "story" (read that to be lie) in place.

Now, legal stuff out of the way. DO NOT give WW anything from your house for her apartment and do not feel bad about her car situation. If she needs a down payment or furnishings, or a new car, let OM provide that. She thinks they are going to have this wonderful, brilliant relationship, well let him demonstrate his ability to be a good provider. (I know this is something that contributed to the demise of OW and my XH's A). If she thinks she can move on with life, she does so without your help. If you do help her, you are enabling her behavior. Tell her she may take with her whatever the court, ultimately, says is hers under the state divorce laws, but that, legally, you cannot agree to her taking anything unless it is part of a legal agreement because you must protect yoruself. You don't want to be accused of disposing with the assets of the marriage without court consent.

Now, Dazed, don't want to say, "I told you so" but didn't I say she and her lawyer had come up with a strategy re: custody and were playing it out? That they were going to withdraw the Petition until she could get her custody ducks in a row? SIL is now confirming that, huh? I would strongly urge you to talk to your lawyers about whether you should file....

Regards,

BB

Dear Dazed,

I think all your efforts on behalf of your wife and marriage are valiant and lovely. Now, however, I really believe you have a sacred duty to your DAUGHTER. I would hate for her to become a casualty of this mess as a result of your wife's negligence. My "old fashioned" prejudice is going to show here, but as I read through your posts, it sounds as though your wife is an attractive woman who has not only capitalized on her good looks, but has now become entangled in a nightmare of her own making as a result of her reliance on them. I also read that you and your wife colored your daughter's hair - AT THE AGE OF 12! Why? And why is a 15 year old TEENAGE, sexually mature boy interested in her? Is she being permitted to look and act older than her tender years? If so, I think you and your wife are putting her at risk of being used by a young man, and she is at even greater risk than the typical girl because her world is being torn apart right now and her own mother is being less than protective of her in her pursuit of her own selfish desires.

I know this is kind of a detour off the road this discussion has been on, but I have some grave concerns for your daughter's welfare in the midst of the madness your wife has visited upon her family.

Do something PROACTIVE, Dazed.

Humbly yours (I know - it didn't sound like it),

MAzingrace

SUNDAY NIGHT=
I gave her a card with basically a love letter written in side it.
I left the card with her as she slept on the couch. Me walking around woke her. I left the room. She opened it and read it. 30 minutes or so... I went down to shut everything off. Woke her to get her to go to bed or atleast take off her glasses and sweater and get ready to sleep for the night.
She woke, looked at me and and got a huge frown on her face. Told me she did not deserve nothing....
I woke her again asking to get set for the night. She began to cry and asked me why I just did not come home...WHY WHY WHY....Look at me now...(Her mind is really messed up now) She looks at me and says, "DO YOU THINK HE WILL MISS ME"?
I ask, do I think he will miss you? She says, NO. YOU... I tell her of course... There is not a minute that goes by now I don't miss you. When I go to sleep at night I look for you and always leave room in you spot for you... At night I toss allnight looking for you and in the morning I wake and immediately look at your pillow. WW My heart is yours...
She is balling... We are holding each other... She says, all you had to do was come home. I needed you so much... I was so alone.. I called for you from this couch as my love for you was dieing and you could not see me... Where was you... I looked into your eyes trying to find you.. I could never read you...
I tell her I was lost.. I know you waited so long... You are so hurt... Do you know how hurt I am? Even if you forgive me I don't know if I will ever forgive myself... This is why I will forgive you for everything that has happened. I will never hold this against you, or judge you. We are in this together.

She says, people tell me you will be okay. You make money and are attractive. I said, those people are not me or do they know what is in my heart... WW my heart is yours and it always will be. I will never love another like you.

She says, you never cared about me or missed me... I get so mad at you for doing this to me... You did not want me.
(SHE IS NOW GETTING ANGRY AND SATAN IS COMING BACK)
She pushes me away, starts clinching her fist, gritting her teeth... Says, you just don't get it. IT IS TO LATE.. I have someone that wants me. Will not leave me like you did. You are just too late for me. I am gone. I can't hurt you any more, that is why tomorrow I am filing the divorce and I am moving out.
I said, the hurt and feelings inside you is knowing the relationship is wrong... You know its wrong that is why you are scared and hurting.

She gets madder... Says, what don't you understand... I am leaving. Why can't you hear me and lower your ****** voice. I said, I am only talking.. I have not raised my voice... She said, yes you are and your going to wake that kid up there. I said, I am not yelling, just listen to the tone of my voice.. She said, why can't you hear me.... I said, I can... Believe me I can hear Satan when he speaks... I got up and left the room.
I spent 30 up stairs crying... Now I just wrote you this letter.

And I do hope you responded with....yeah, I am quite certain he won't leave you...bet his XW thought that, too. If they do it with you, they'll do it to you. (This is something my XH found out!)

Crazed, you need to stop kissing her ***. Now, you're being a doormat. There's a difference between a good Plan A and being a doormat.

BB

I aggre with the post above!

Ive been following your post ,and i have been rooting for you.. But i think its time for you to come to turms

With possible outcome that wont bein your favior..

Sorry!! Take care mate

I have a phone call set up tomorrow with Steve H.

Let's hope you can help give me a clear direction to go in.
It sounds like I can expect her to put the divorce petition back into play very soon.
I need to pull my journal together and tie up all the loose notes and give to my attourney. The questions in my mind right now is what posistion do I need to take...

Should I contact her today at work and see if she will tell me her plan??? Moving out? Filing paperwork? Yes, she said last night while angry she was filing for divorce. She also said, Friday she was moving out Saturday morning... NOTHING MOVED YET....

Most likely she is going to move out. It is apparent she wants to hit bottom from as high up in the air as possible... I was hoping if she went that she would just do it without filing divorce papers. This would give me more options I think.

I think she really has put money down on an apartment. Daughter has seen it...It is less than half mile from our house behind a McDonals, car dealship and a car wash.

If she files again, I see no option but to continue in PLAN A.. If so, what changes to my plan do I need to make. Harly told me that there is just no good way to start a PLAN B with divorce proceddings taking place.

I KNOW so many of you all say to file myself, which would all most guarantee full custody....Go PLAN B and go DARK.

How many think that PLAN B is to only be used to protect what love as BS has left for a WS????????????????????
OR is PLAN B a tool for ending the affair and bringing back the WS by tough love.????????????????????????????????

Of course I am looking for ANSWERS... I know many of you will bash me for not just running to the lawyer at sun up.
Many of you will say trash the marriage, save youself and protect daughter from her mom.

You all know where my heart is.... I feel that this affair will DIE... According to all what we all know, it will die and is right now gasping for air.

I guess, as I set here right now, I am thinking I will not react. If she leaves, I will let her and change the locks behind her. If she files for divorce again, I will again protect myself and daughter. Just like before.
COMMENTS PLEASE!!!!!!!

YES, I am STRUGGLING to get this right in my mind... Harley told me that only a good, long PLAN A would reach MY WW... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

LET ME TAKE A MOMENT:::: <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
I want to sincerely thank all of you that have helped me.... NO MATTER what the outcome of my marriage is, you all have helped me understand, taught me very much, and have been ther for me.
I want to give props out to all of you especially the ones that help everyday!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Huh? Are you sure Steve said this? I Plan B'ed both times while custody/divorce proceedings were in effect. You cant Plan A while fighting it out in court. that really isnt possible. I would ask Steve again to clarify that for you, because it is hard for me to believe that he would say for you to Plan A while fighting over your daughter, the dining room set, etc.

As we have said before, your Plan A has been nearly flawless. That is why she is a mess! She has constantly brought up how well you will do, that you finally get it. That she is mad that it took you so long. She no longer believes that you havent changed!! So, guess what? Your Plan A has worked!! Of course, it hasnt ended the affair...that is why Plan B is around the corner.

I know why Steve had you do the extended Plan A. It was because of the pressure that the Om is putting on your wife. He has been LBing all over the place. Dazed, you know the mess he has created for himself! When/if your wife moves out and is with him, it will not get any better for them. It just wont.

In the meantime, in Plan B, she will only have memories of you...good ones. And she willagonize over what you are doign and where you are going. Have you moved on? Will I lose my daughter, lose everything? Will I stop hurting? In her foggy world, the silence will be deafening!

Sure, your wife could go and stay gone. And unfortunately, she will probably be a miserable creature the rest of her life if she does. Nothing will ever turn out right. Added to that, EVERYTHING will turn out right for you. How depressing.

But, unless she really has no backbone...then the pain most likely will reach a point in Plan B where she will want to throw off the OM and to find out if you have moved on. It happens almost everytime.

You are in a threeway here, Dazed. it is just about time for you to pull yourself out of that. The Om will find it impossible to meet everything that you do for her. And a foggy WW has to have EVERY need met, otherwise they are hurt and angry.

The good thing for you in Plan B is that the only person that gets to see and feel her anger will be the OM. Fantasyland will turn into he!! on Earth very quickly.

Talk to Steve and get your plan for the next phase. No matter which way this goes, you are definitely coming out the other side. And I am certain that you will come out fine. The jury is still out on your wife, though.

In His arms.

I will not say "trash you marriage". Especially when you are doing such an inspirational job of trying to save it! You really are an inspiration to others on this board!

I will say protect your DD. Go for full custody if she refiles. That IS something she will react to! She knows that she does not have a "Slam Dunk" case. Her "pretending" to stay at home will be exposed for exactly what is is by any family court judge.

If she does leave, don't help her enable the affair! Take away the safety net. If you don't support her she will be forced to rely on OM. He will most likely throw a fit about that. Let him LB all over WW.

I supect the OM is relying and getting a nice settlment from you so WW and he can "live happily ever after". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

She has to WANT to end the affair before she can even consider coming back to you.

Stay strong.

Mortarman: Yes, Steve instructed me to NOT go Plan B when she filed last time. Said, PLAN B would be just to hard to do, plus my job with WW in the PLAN A was not done yet.
His comment was we need more time to do PLAN A. Yes, he did suggest an extended PLAN A because she was neglected by me and I needed time to prove myself not a fraud.
He comes back the answer she gave him during there one conversation. Steve asked, "If the future could be different that the past, would you be happy with Dazed"? She said, yes. He took away from there meeting that she does still love me. That over time the hurt she was feeling allowed her to write me off mentally. Drive her to the point of giving up on me ever changing. For me to change over night now just confirms in her mind I am a fraud. ONLY TIME will prove to her I am for real.
That is why he wanted me in PLAN A.

Mort- Thank you for the compliments on my approach. Thank you for your help!
Yes, I agree she is seeing what I am doing and she is a mess. Conflicted because she is seeing what she always wanted from me. She said, again last night. "I am scared Dazed. I am scared of everything. This could be the biggest mistake of my life".

I can only hope he is LBing every where like mad. I believe he has continually told her that he will not wait forever for her and must get rid of me. I have heard that from WW and Ex-SIL.

Totally agree that the only way that things with OM will work is if I help it work. I agree that I can not make it easy for her to do anything with him.
WW suggested to daughter that she could bring her bed from our home to the apartment if she would like. This coming from daughter. We spent all day together yesterday... She asked if I would buy her a futon for her room so she could move her bed to mom's apartment. I was nice about it and helped point her towards the idea if mom wants her to stay in a strange little apartment that she can buy the futon. Her room at home is where her bed belongs.

I did not offer to GIVE WW supplies to take or parting gifts if you will. Negociating WW to stay through the holidays was my thought process. Staying in the house through the end of year would have several positive things.
1) Cause OM to really LB more about WW missing yet another promised escape date with him.
2) Share more family time during Christmas and make history by having Christmas day together for daughter. Even if WW is operating under the impression that this is the last Christmas, that might even have a bigger affect on her. Especially since we have always had a great tradition of us three opening gifts and spending the holidays together. I think that is currently playing on WW's head right now to
3) Daughter will get another Christmas with all of us together. Remember this is why daughter moved the house around and set up the tree...Her quote: "Now you and mom can set together and watch me open presents".

If it takes a washer and drier to give that to my daughter then so what.
Besides I new that WW being as stubborn as a rock, as soon as I said, okay to something she didn't think I would agree to she wouldn't take it anyway. Neutralize her bomb so to speak.

TONIGHT:::
Tonight is daughters band concert....
It will be interesting to see how WW handles this. Keep in mind WW has not been out in public beside me for two months now. Dating back to the parent teacher confs when I LBed big time.

Get this... Me and daughter went out yesterday and bought her an all new outfit to wear to the concert. It was fun. Imagine Dazed at Dillards picking out cloths for daughter to wear...Actually daughter wanted me to pick her out stuff and she liked what I found. I did have to inlist a couple girls from the store for a little help...
I did ask WW to go with us. Of course she declined. However, new she would feel left out. So, while shopping for shoes daughter picked out one kind she liked. I picked out an other. I told her mom would like the ones I picked. Daughter really wanted the others. So, I said, let's settle this shoe crisis like this. I will buy both of them. We let your mom pick which ones and we return the losers. Daughter thought that was a great idea. Once we got home daughter dressed all up for mom. I could tell mom was a bit jealous. She actually approved of the cloths and her and daughter thought picking the shoes was fun. I could tell that WW liked that. Of course WW picked the ones I liked with out knowing I liked them. I had fun with daughter about that. Daughter said, dad you were right. You actually are not completely fashion retarded...
The shoes that daughter thinks are going back to the store, I am giving her for Christmas...

So, back to my thought about WW.. I figure that WW and OM have probably got this all planned out on how she will not join me for the concert. You know OM would really lose it if she sets with me for an hour at the school where his mom works.
I figure that OM will probably tell her how much he wants to go and go with her. However, if WW comes home to daughters hair, even if she drives her own car to the school she will have to openly avoid me in front of daughter at the school infront of all the other parents.
Yes, I will have the video recorder there to record daughter, but I guess could serve another purpose if I see OM there or WW pull something in front of everyone.

If she don't come home to help daughter with her hair by 6:15PM, I am taking her to the salon to get it done.
My bet is she will try to lose me once at the school and set by herself. WW is not friends with no other moms there, so that is not an escape angle for her.

Gotta run...

Dazed:

I won't make any comments on your "plans" or any of that stuff you are doing and saying with regards to your WW. I promised myself I wouldn't.

However, having read your post about taking your daughter clothes shopping, etc....and buying the shoes, etc...actually brings a shrill of joy to me.

You see, your one of those guys who has had a "bad" go of it, and life has knocked you in the ball$ lately, but your actions as a father, and the love and consideration you have shown your daughter makes me want to be a better man in this life.

Thanks for giving "me" this today.

Lem

It is important the he be the good dad as there is a DESTRUCTIVE AND VINDICTIVE WS IN THEIR HOME...he has to be the good dad...dd has seen far too much.

No to futon...No to bed in ww apartment/shackup place. do not feed her affair.

and yes, harley said you should do a good plan A..you laid a good foundation. you really did.

but I have to take a 2x4 here and say this with all due respect and love.

please remove the sign from your chest that says "wipe your feet here!"

YOU ARE NOT A DOORMAT. You are a loving husband and father...she is behaving so badly...it is bordering on enablement at this point b/c you are doing and giving so much to ww...she thinks she can have all the cake she wants right now.

and yes, it is extremely difficult to do a plan a during a separation or divorce.

why? the ws needs to hit rock bottom.

she is on her way...but you keep allowing her to NOT hit bottom...

that is bordering on enablement my dear dear friend...

we want your M saved..we do. but I think this affair has gone on too long now. she knows you're different. she does. once it's established that you've changed...what is left? I ask you with your thinking brain what is left.

Yes, he did suggest an extended PLAN A because she was neglected by me and I needed time to prove myself not a fraud.

Dazed this is what my H has to prove to me too!! Would you have a talk with him please, and tell him how a plan A is done...since you do it so well. He is home but is absolutely lazy at loving me. Too much work...I guess.

Lady

LadyS- Thank you so much for your compliments...
I am sorry about you are feeling down.

Has your husband researched the MB tools and information about meeting your needs? You said, he is lazy at loving you. I gather you two are working together, just not quite up to full speed yet.

Maybe he still has work to do on himself before he can reach his potential. Not so much just being lazy, as much as not having his mind wrapped around this yet. Sometimes not knowing where to start makes us scared to start at all.

My best advice to PLAN A is be very very patient. Understand what love busters are and learn how to deal with anger when things are not going so well. By the way that is the toughest for me. For me it was easy to stay disengaged from my wife just to avoid love busters and angry confrontations. I learned the hard way that made her feel just like you. Unloved, Not cared for, lonely, etc.

I am by no means a PLAN A master. Only a Jedii in training...lol

Good Luck and God Bless you!!!

Tuesday update:

Last night was another drama fest.

WW comes home at 5:30... 2 seconds in the door she is throwing off her coat and complaining about everything... Just being absolutely horrible. Daughter had been so happy and excieted before WW came home. She had made a mess of the front room as she watched tv and practiced for the concert after school.

WW immediately started critisizing her for everything. Making a mess, her cloths, her hair. Then started in on a huge lecture about how daughter is abusing the cell phone that WW bought her.
WW is mad that daughter is using the cell phone just as she has done. Sleeping with the phone and talking to the 15yo boy all night long. (BTW~ Ex-Sil ran off WW telling her she is no longer welcome over there and to help them break up her OM's 15yo boy from daughter.)
Daughter was very upset. Threw a fit about the phone. WW told her that she would no longer pay for it.

Daughter asked WW about when we needed to leave to so we can go pick out niece and nephew for the concert. WW said, in a real mean tone, I AM GOING TO GET THOSE KIDS BY MYSELF.
I said, do we really need seperate vehicles to go six blocks to the school?
WW rolled her eyes, made some comments under breath and went into the front room and set down beside daughter.

While I was in the office on the computer, daughter yells to me saying the pizza delivery is there. Neither her or WW would get up to let him in. So I rush to the door and let the man in. Only 12 degrees outside. I aske him to wait. Because the pizza was 20 minutes early, I did not have my money out yet. I go into the kitchen to get money, when i get back WW was handing the man money. She rolls her eyes at me, stomps into kitchen and throughs the pizza down. Starts telling how stupid I am for making the guy wait and not having money ready, and how she once again has to pay for food, how bad that was of me to make him wait, that no one could even let the guy in and it is not her house so she wasn't going to do it, that she don't even know why she came home tonight, this band concert is stupid, etc. etc..

Wanting spit nails at her, I said very calm. WW, thank you for paying the man. Let me pay you back, and I handed her the check I had for the pizza. She torn it up and threw it away and saying, I don't want your _ucking money.
She says, how stupid are you to not have the money ready? I said, the pizza man was 20 minutes early, I only needed a couple of minutes.

As she walks back into the front room she is saying stuff just under her breath.

Next thing I know, daughter is yelling at her mom...Saying, Why do you have to ruin everything for me? You do this everytime... What is your problem mom...

Daughter runs down stairs to the basement and sets on the couch crying when I get down there. I tell her I will set down here with her for a couple minutes while she feels better. Daughter says, I don't want to calm down. I want to eat and be normal.

Me and daughter set at the table and ate dinner while WW watched tv in the other room.

I was able to ease daughters mind and joke around with her alittle. Got her to go up stairs to get her cloths and make up ready. Once upstairs I went in to speak to the WW.

Now that daugher was not standing there is was time I draw the line on this crap of WW while there was still a small chance that daughter was still going to go.

Very calm yet sturn. I said, WW... She looks at me all pissy and says, Yes Dazed... I said, can we get through this night and make it work just for daughter? She says, It's just a stupid _ucking band concert anyway.. Who cares... I am going to go by myself later. You can take her and have a good time.

I stood there looking at her not saying anything.. She says, what do you want?

I said, for you to be a mother... To get you priority straight just for a couple of hours to make that little girl happy.

She laughs a little and says, YOU DON'T EVEN WANT ME to start about priorities...

WW says, daugher will not even see us much less care. She haits me unless I am buying her stuff or letting her talk to 15yo anyway.... So what... It's just a stupid band concert that as it looks she isn't going to go anyway... How about you go up and see if see is even going to wear the cloths you bought her... Probably not, because she would rather look stupid and wear a shirt that is too small and make her look fat, plus she probably has not brushed her teeth or showered and if filthy.. She did not get that from me....

I said, WW you amaze me...This is what I see... You are going to make honoring that SOB your first priority avoid even going to a school function for your daughter... Just so you don't have to be seen with me.

Feeling like I was on the edge of going really off... I left the room...

WW had no comment and that was the end of conversation.

I helped daughter finish herself and we left for the school. WW did not say another word to us.

While daughter was in the band room with her friends i set in the school lunch room. To my surprise in walks WW with the two cousins... The kids come running up to me all friendly and playful. WW stand about 20 feet away trying to avoid even looking at me.

The kids want to know where to go set at. So I lead them into the gym. The gym was filled however, the staff was placing additional chairs and I found us seats right on the gym floor in the center of the building. WW quickly made sure that there was a cousin setting between her and I. I wasn't even going to set with her anyway... Funny..

The kids and I had a good time talking about school events and music and normal kids stuff. WW set quiet with her head swiveling around looking very uncomfortable.

Once daughter took the stage I lead the kids up to a closer view point so we could take pictures. I recorded her entire performance with the video camera.
The kids and I returned to our seats after daughter was done to watch the other classes finish up. The kids seen one of there friends standing just behind us and they went to go talk to them. Funny,,, Leaving WW setting just with me anyway... Of course she was not going to speak to me.

I was nice and shown her the video camera display screen and let her watch daughter play. Video turned out really nice. This kind of made WW relax a little. I could tell she was not so nervous about being there. There was a little baby girl about one setting next to us. The little girl was walking around but really cute kinda of wondering around. She came up to me a couple of times... I seen the WW paying close attention to the little girl. I made some small talk to WW about the little girl.

After the concert.. With out a word WW left the building and we found her in the parking lot with the car running. Daughte wanted to ride with her as she took the kids home...

Later daughter comes in the house all upset as WW drives off. Daughte said, her mom only told her she did OKAY at the concert... Hurt daughters feelings, plus she wanted ice cream afterwards and WW left her purse at home before leaving.

Gotta run.. Be back soon..

WW got a DUI test later that night for her car wondering all over the road... Ticket for no license, proof of insurance, and a feild test. While parked with the cops her car overheated again...

WW is blind in one eye. Driving at night with a cell phone in one hand talking and shifting a 5 speed trans with the other...Then two police had her out side in 5 degree temps taking feild test.

IS THE GOD WORKING ON HER OR WHAT....

Any guess who she was talking too?

Get this... I made the 5 minute drive to Dairy Queen for daughters treat. Thinking it would be rude to walk in the house eating ice cream I got WW one too. Not knowing she was with the police.
WW wanted me to prove i had really brought it home for her. Said, she wanted me to prove I had really ate mine on the way home. I asked if she wanted to the cup from the dumpster or follow me to the bathroom...
I said, so what is your point here? Do you want to play 21 questions? She said, yeah I do... I said, okay... Where did you go when you left? She said, I drove around town. I said, Do you want me to ask you to prove it? She said, okay this is dumb your stupid, I don't want your ice-cream any way.
WW had the nerve then to blame me for the car being junk... I asked if she really wanted to have another junk car argument... She had no comment.
I said, WW are you okay to drive? She got all mad at me.. I said, I am not attacking you.. For real, I am concerned... She said just forget about it, I am fine.. That car of yours is junk the police think and drunk driving it around... She gave me more crap about the car...
I said, yes WW. The car is junk we know all about the car... You know it is not a good idea to drive any car one handed especially yours.

Later after putting daughter to bed I set down to speak to WW. No more cross babble... I just told her I was sorry... She started in about my family, past, racing, not coming home, now I am great, now I am super dad, now I want to start over and build a new life... She said, I wanted that for so many years... You blew me off.. I let her ramble... No contest... When she finished I said, yes you are right.. Everything you said, about me wanting a simple life and rush home to my wife and family every night and doing everything together and starting over and living happily ever after... YOU GET IT ... That is what I want.

She started on me again... I said, WW... When are we going to be even? She says, what are you saying I never get you.. Just talk like a normal person... I said, WW when is the score of hurting each other going to be even so we can start over? She is quiet for a moment and says, in a soft voice... Were even if you want to be even... I said, WW... We have taken turns beating the $hit out of each other for a very long time... I know you are very angry with me... If there is a time when you can get past that anger I would love nothing more than to talk about how we can work things out between us... I still love you WW...
I left the room and went up stairs... Waited about 45 minutes and took down a comforter and cover up WW that was a sleep in her cloths on a couch.

This morning she started her normal complaining... I got daughter out of the house early so she did not run into her mom. I can back put antifreeze in her car. She gave crap about having to make sure daughter is showering. I just listened to her babble... As I got ready to leave I walked by the make up room and seen her reading the card I gave her Sunday night... She quickly put it away when she heard me. She is keeping it hidden in the make up room.

AWESOME..... Use that information wisely....

Now, I will say that I've shadowed this thread from pretty much the beginning and I have a major concern and that is your daughter. At some point very very soon she is going to have to be protected from this continued chaos. I do hope that you either have her in or will seek counselling for her. Heck, it might be a good idea for you two (Father and Daughter) to do a couple of sessions together. Ultimately this is for her benifit but there is other benifits as well, like having the testimony/recommendation of a child psych, should it come to that.

Thank God you are there for your daughter.

Hi Dazed!

Dont get thise wrong, but i suspect you WW is gong

Mental soon..Sombody needs to talk to her before she
has a breakdown

Just talked with Steve----

1) Continue Plan A until Christmas if possible. Try to give daughter Christmas.

2) If she leaves the house for her apartment, FILE A LEGAL SEPARATION immediately.
A) Request FULL CUSTODY.
B) Request RIGHT OF 1st REFUSAL CLAUSE.
C) Suggest try for keeping all assets.

Legal separation divides everything up just like a divorce except you are still married at the end.

3) If we make it through Christmas and she is still in the house but, with OM. Then I go file for legal separation.

Since she wants to be out on her own, and has an apartment already... This is whay I will do for you...LEGAL SEPARATION. Steve says, she wants to leave right? She already has her apartment that she is just trying to figure out how to get into at this point. So make it easy for her to leave. However, you and your daughter are protected and the 1st refusal clause makes it so she can not dump daughter when she is with her. Also, makes is so if you need to go out with out daughter that you have to contact WW. This protects the kids and is a 50-50 deal for the parents.

Present Legal Separation to WW as protecting my love for her like a PLAN B preserves love to prove to her that i want the marriage to work.
Keep telling her there is a way for us to be happy. It's just that we can't actively turn our marriage around as long as you are seeing OM. That this affair is just continuing to damage all three of us.

If you are not going to allow me into your life and you are going to continue seeing OM then we must do this because the of pain and disruption this affair is causing.

This proves I DO WANT to work on the marriage yet, put pressure on the affair to end. In this situation, gives her what she wants, which is out of the house. Protects daughter and myself from her actions.

Thoughts about PLAN B...
Steve thinks she will take this as punishment right now. Suggest that time for this may be close depending on how the step goes.

Confirmed....PLAN B is to preserve the love that BS has left for a WS. This is it's main objective for implimentation.
It can cause the WS to return home. HOWEVER, implimenting PLAN B to get her to come home is very risky. Using it like this is MANIPULATION and the WS will most likely see it that way too.

He says, that it sounds like I am doing a very good plan A and her actions prove she sees it. That is why she continues to justify herself and validate. Her continued questions about WHY NOW and WHERE WERE YOU is a compliment from her... Take it that way... She LIKES what she sees... If not she would not fight or say anything about what you are doing.

He says, she probably really does want her daughter. In her fog she probably does think it will all work out with her daughter.
Her confliction about staying also includes this. She does want her kid and in her fog she thinks she is setting herself up for taking her when she leaves.

He too thinks she is just building a case to leave with daughter. He agrees that with my documentation and help from people like Ex-SIL that she has not chance.

He wants me to work on keeping her in the house until after Christmas. If she stays, continue PLAN A and documentation.

I need to contact my lawyer and make sure the legal docs are ready to pull the trigger on legal sep. Also, be ready to go back and counter file a divorce with full custody if she takes that step to file again. Same posistion I took last time. Keep building my defense to prove she is only in the house to look good in court and HAS NOT made any commitment to the married while back in the house.
______________________________
WW's IC is just for helping her leave me...Another appointment tonight at 5:30...

I just had a light bulb moment... WW is broke trying to round up money for apartment right? She declined seeing an IC before because of the cost. Her insurance only pays 20% of the cost... HOW IS SHE PAYING FOR IT NOW?

Steve said to stay away from her IC... This will be manipulation and the IC will most likely tell WW everything and confirm I am trying to manipulate.

Steve said, it is not uncommon for a WS to see a counselor to help them deal with why they struggle to leave there spouse... Sad but true.

A MAN with a PLAN

awesome!

take a bow ..... ~applause~

Dazed,

For the love of God - it's sit... not set. You do not set at the table, you sit. You set the dinner table with plates and utensils... not with yourself. You sit at the end of a bed... not set.