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I don't think a letter is needed right now (after all, youi are not supposed to know this information) but if you should happen to see each other at court..and I would recommend you going, if anything, to refute what WH may say...there may be an opportunity to say a few words...
Practice what you can say. Something like, "I still hold out hope for us, and will be faithful until we D." Or a simple, "I miss my H, the man you are." etc. Short, sweet, loving, simple, words he can mull over later.
A letter at this time will only be used to get a taste of HIOK and a fix...to enable him to keep the A going longer...no need to fulfill any EN's right now, let the OW fail at this...
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Still,
I do understand what you are saying. I was thinking about the letter before I knew of this information. I have a packet of mail I am bringing with me for the attorney to give to him. I was just going to put the letter in that.
But if everyone feels this will give him his fix then I guess maybe I should not do it. I guess I don't see how he would get a fix from it but I will follow the advice. I just worry that he feels I don't care anymore and I want him to know I do. I am so confused right now with all of this....
I wonder about the motives of this phone call thing , if he made it up and if so why? I find it strange that this all takes place a few days before our court date. It just sounds fishy to me.......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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....He then told her he can't afford to pay the support and CS we are requesting. So then he says I will just leave an no one will know where I am... So we are back to leaving again without anyone knowing...
$$ doesn't play games. A WS can't change that 2 + 2 = 4. It always will. So when $$ enters the pix, often a WS goes beserko. $$ is not a friend of the A unless there is more to go around. Eventually it catches up and that's one of your key tools.
Now I have no idea if this call he recived was real or if he is making it up. He said it was a man who called, I wonder if DD had something ot do with this? I can't ask her though because WH asked my MIL not to mention this to me and I promised I would not let anyone about it..... This is the real reason of his call. U don't have t/d nothing. He is already beginning to unravel. Let him finish it to himself. This w/b very trying on your patience. Remember that clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience stuff I keep saying? It's for these kinds of times. Expect more babble. In their foggy demented minds, they will hear voices, imagine events.....yea all the while they are rewriting history. He wants to imagine you seeing somebody? Don't stop the pix. Your MIL and SIL are doing the right thing. They are giving him the truth and he just ain't buying it, so don't try to convince him. If your DD or someone is trying to pull his leg, let them. WS' are aliens remember? Their legs are not their own. It belongs to your H. Body parts. Yuck!!! That is what will happen. As the A unravels, various parts of your H will start to show up. Someone will pull his leg, he will reach out his hand for help, he could turn his back on the A, he may lend an ear to wise counsel, etc. Body parts.....they leave in pieces and come back in pieces. Got the nuts and bolts ready to repair the damaged goods that maybe trying to come home? Get the tools out but wait for the unit to return. Can't begin to help him until he is home both inside and out. U have to get all the pieces back 1st. Patience, lots of patience. U w/b ok. L.
Last edited by Orchid; 12/06/05 05:41 PM.
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Orchid,
Thank you so much for being here. I think I see what is happening now.... He is starting to freak out I assume. I have to let him fall... I hope thats what is happening anyway.... I hope reality is starting to hit him between the money thing and now accusing me of going out with men... I will try and stay patient and let this play out..... I am trying not get my hopes up that things are starting to unravel for him and OW but it would be so nice if it was ......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Ok this is getting stranger and stranger.... DD came home and has spoken to WH on the phone.
I was sitting here ans she comes to me and says" Mom, why didn't you tell us you had a boyfriend and was going out to the Guys and Dolls?" I said what are you talking about acting very confused.... She said well dad told me that you have a boyfriend and was seen at the club. I said who the he$$ told him that? She said one of his friends did. I told her DD you know I don't have a boyfriend I am always home or at work. She says I know that mom I was just was playing with ya.... She said well Dad didn't seemed bothered by it.... Ok here is my take on this ...
He is telling her what he supposedly heard to see what she has to say about it. Now if he didn't care about this why is he telling everyone about it? Why is he questioning DD about it.... I am really getting confused how all of a sudden after all this time I know am being accused of dating. I am beginning to wonder if someone is trying to cause me problems and convince WH I am moving on, so OW has free rein... I have a feeling someone is trying to mess my life up even worse by accusing me of things that are not happening.....
I am not liking this at all...
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Is he really questioning your DD or is she playing games with you? I think you ought to have a serious talk with her and let her IC know that on several occasions your DD has chosen to play games. Sounds like you got a young WS in the making here. Sorry to alarm you but this is not the 1st time she has jerked you around and raised your blood pressure. Ask her what kind of thrills does she get from playing these games. Ask her in front of her friends or the IC. Then let the 3rd party go do some detective work. I suspect your DD won't tell you all but if you start removing her support group and eliminate it down to the 3rd party, then maybe just maybe you may be able to nip this game playing in the bud. There c/b a deep seated reason for thes e games but they should NOT be tolerated at your expense.
JMHO,
L.
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Hello Hurting-
How strange ! It does sound like your WH is either really freaking out, or is playing a game to try to get a reaction
from you. Wonder if it could even be the OW feeling a bit
intimidated by you and trying to cause trouble ? The timing
is definitely suspicious....
You haven't done a thing, and don't need to defend yourself
as you know the truth, and so do your kids, MIL, and SIL.
If WH started the "rumor", then maybe he's just telling everyone because he knows HE is the guilty party and he's
desperately trying to divert attention from that fact.
If it was OW, it may completely backfire, because she will
see that WH DOES care what you are doing and care about you.
Either way, I would just continue to act as you have- with
dignity and class. Your casual response to MIL, SIL and
DD were good-
I had an odd incident last week too- my WH called and asked
me if I had called OW. He said she had called and told him that a female had called her cell phone, asked for him and then hung up, and she assumed it was me. He apparently asked
her how I would have her cell number, and she told him she
thought she had given it to me. I told him "No, I didn't
call her and I do not have her cell number"(which is true).
I thought about this later and could only think of a couple
possibilities- one being that he has something going on with
yet another OW, and they called OW#1, but I can't imagine
how they would have gotten her number....?
The other possibility, and probably more likely, would be
that she made it up- hoping to make WH defensive of her and
mad at me.
I figure if she is doing that, she must be getting scared
or desperate to hang on to WH and I hope it means she is
LB'ing big time ! Could be the same in your case !
Slammed
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Orchid,
DD was not playing games she called hm from MIL'S home and MIL heard her side of the conversation. I just got done talking to MIL and she said DD told her dad well its not true and was very shocked when he told her about it. So I don't think DD had anything to do with it.. MIL said her shocked looked pretty much convinced her she didn't do it..
My SIL said WH to her it was some man named Bill, I don't know any Bills but anyway she told him you know BS works nights, he said well she does have some nights off and SIL told him yes she does but she is home crashing then, I know she does not out to clubs. She said well maybe BS has a twin walking around , WH said yeah maybe so thats what I told Bill.... He said he also told Bill that he was happy I was going out and having some fun, if it was me.
Now my 2 SIL'S and MIL all said " For someone who does not want you and loves OW he sure is telling everyone and asking everyone about this." I have to agree he is awfully concerned about this, he is trying to act like he is fine with it at least to DD but I don't really think he is...
Like I said earlier this is awfull sudden and not to my liking, its just to close to a court date to make sense.....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Hurting, He is making it all up!! And I pray it's not his strategy for court on Friday, to try to get out of paying Spousal Support. The reason I believe this is because on his call after talking about that....he talked about how he can't pay support and CS and he will just leave. It's all a game Hurting. And you need to tell your attorney. He is trying to intimidate you. He is basically saying this is something he is going to say in court. This strategy may have been made up by OW or his attorney,to try to lower his amount of support and make himself look better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Ladysheep
Last edited by ladysheep; 12/06/05 08:20 PM.
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Glad to hear DD is not playing games. This is not fun. So let me guess, the WS got this info supposedly from Bill? Hm.... doesn't that sound smelly. Btw, tell SIL that Orchid (or Rose or Lily....) said to tell Bill hi. LOL!!! Then watch the trail. If WS or SIL asks who is Orchid (or Rose or Lily), tell 'em 'Bill' should know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Wait better yet, tell SIL to tell the WS that Bill's GF Orchid (or Rose or Lily) says to stop spreading ruomors 'bout her Bill. LOL!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Or make up some name. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> We can make this tale, taller. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
Last edited by Orchid; 12/06/05 08:34 PM.
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Orchid thats way to funny...... But you know what I just may do that ...
Lady you may be right but we are not going in front of the judge, we have to mediate first with the attorneys and if we come to an agreement then we don't even have to see the judge.
And to be honest he can say what he wants, I have proof and I can get it from work that I am working. I d on't think anything he can say will hurt me because he is living with his Ho!!!!! So I am not the least bit worried about any gossip he has.... I just find it all strange.......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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I made about 3 revisions to it right away. Make sure you read the last version.
L.
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LOL Orchid...that is brilliant... you think of everything! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
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Yup it is brilliant......
its really going to cause some confusion if by chance this phone call is real..... It will have someone freaking out for sure ..lol
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Well thank you lovely ladies..... Now remember to give the name of something like a flower (orchid, lily, rose...etc.) Re: Then during the convo if you forget the name, you can say...... you know her....she has a name like a.... uhmmmm a a a flower u know, Petunia or something like that?!??!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Now don't laugh too hard..... you gotta practice to make it look convincing. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> L.
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Ok Orchid , I can do this .....
One thing for sure if its all fake he will definatley know I caught on to it ..... and am not intimidated by it all... Of course I am not intimidated now just mystified by it all...
If I didn't know better I would think he is loosing his mind... Well in a way he has but you know what I mean.... His Titanic is sinking and he hs no life raft to grab hold to and he is thrashing around it seems... At least I hope thats the case .....
Bit tomorrow I will casually talk to my MIL and tell her about Orchid( Lili, or Rose) Now she will know I am up to something because of me saying this but I am pretty sure she will go along with it... Hopefully she will fall for it though..... But she is behind me 100% anyhow. She has been trying to get me to make WH jealous for months and I would not play that game. But seems he has started it so lets get his mind really working now.....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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Just keep it light and simple. Not over dramatic. Then sit back and watch the fireworks. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> See once the shock and $$ part are over.....it isn't too hard being a BS. The WS just want us to think that way. Stupid WS'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
L.
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LOL Orchid .... I guess your right. I know once the $$ part is settled I will feel a lot better..... I have been reading Serene thread you guys have some great ideas.... Wish I could impliment some of them but planA is over ..... I sure wish I had thought of them then ....
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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just because somebody is asking questions about your love life, or making stupid accusations, do NOT take it as flattery or most importantly...AS A PASSIVE FORM OF EITHER CARING OR JEALOUSY.
make that distinction ok?
it is mostly due probably to the upcoming trial and b/c the ws has NO ammo against you to use in court...but you got arms loads to use against the stupid ones.
so many bs here spend soooo much time translating what the WS says or does or implies when it is always only about the WS...never about those betrayed.
I love you and want you to not get hurt ok? don't allow yourself to play that "what is he thinking game"...I know what my xh thinks all the time.
I think that HE DOES NOT THINK!..lmao.
me:37 BS; s:7;
xh:38; OW:26;eloped w/OW 1 wk after D: 12/29/03. OC born 3/17/04. Happy! Blessed to be the mother of a wonderful son..great profession..Life's good!
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Peachy,
I am not worried so much about what he is thinking, I just find this all so interesting it came at this time. He can say what ever he wants because he has nothing to back up anything with.
The thing of it is we may not even have to speak to the judge if we come to an agreement. Anything he would have to say is all hearsay with nothing to prove. I have all I need to prove my case. Heck just the fact he was served at her home and uses that as his address shows he lives there....
I would love to think he is jealous or something but I am not setting myself up for that. I do find all of this kinda funny in a way. Because I know its all made up in his mind, we don't know anybody named Bill except for my BIL and believe me it didn't come from there.
So let him play his little mind games and think he is scaring me or whatever because I am not scared, I have nothing ot be afraid of. And if he wants to run away so be it, because he can run but he can't hide..... I think he is the one running scared now and has to think of something to get me to back off ...... AIN'T HAPPENING !!!!!!
Don't worry about me Peachy I am fine and will be ok......
BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46
Married- 24 yrs
3 children 15,19,22
2 grandsons
D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away
WH living with OW since July 05
WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05
Divorced granted June 28, 06
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