How did the couseling go?
I am concerned for you. I think your H will eventually tell you more that has been going on wiht him. I want you to be prepared - I would prepare myself for the fact that he may already be active with his sex life. The gay world is very different thaen our world and filled with secrecy. I have met alot of gay men from my son. Some of then do have children. The children are fine with their fathers. Alot of them live with their fathers. It is not something that they wanted to do -hurting their wives. But it is something that our society covered up for many years. Now it is more open to our society and they are feeling free to come out. There is still alot of gay bashing. I know this as my son has been almost killed more than once. I fear for his life many times. It is a hard life. He wanted to be a school teacher but did not persue it because many people believe that because you are gay you are a child molester. Sad but true.
Now I hope you get ck'd for STD's and other things. For your safety. This is recomended for all BS. Because the WS does not tell the truths about what they have and are doing. You are doing the right thing going to IC.

ForeverHErs -please start another thread.

I hate that I have started such a controversial thread. Counseling today, so I may not use this anymore. If you are interested in talking with me personally (no bashing) my email is laurie7866@gmail.com (Almostrecovered, I never got email)

I wish all of you well.

Hi ScaredinGA,

Your last email address had .net instead of .com

Might explain why you didn't recieve anything

I've resent it now

JL, what utter arrogance on your part. I "pass judgment" on no one. I ASKED whether or not they were Christians and was ignored. She chose to seek "support and advice" from someone who, through his own statements, clearly does NOT believe in the biblical Jesus, so without a direct answer to the question, her CHOICE indicated her answer. That's NOT judging, that's accepting someone's "right to choose."

For the RECORD JL, perhaps you could clarify this for me. I seem to understand that you have not "personally" experienced infidelity in your marriage. I've never bothered to "look into" whether or not that was true, but if it is true, how to do "justify" giving advice to those who ARE dealing with infidelity of any type when you may not have "walked in the same shoes?" You usually give very good advice, and sometimes you "step on toes." Some people have even found your posts to be "offensive" to them, but I sure never told you that I "found you offensive."

But I will do so now. JL, I am really disappointed in your response here.

You advised me 3.5 years ago to go to a strict Plan B, without knowing me, my wife, or our beliefs. I chose to obey God, regardless of how I was feeling, and due to God's mercy and guidance we have gotten our marriage back. Was your advice wrong or arrogant?


JustLearning - with all due respect, you had about 4000 posts when you first posted to me 3.5 years ago. Now you have over 10,000. How much of that posting advocates something as simple as "If you love me, obey my commands," as Jesus instructed us?

My "litmus test" for Christianity is simple, has someone confessed their sins and accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior? You are correct, it is NOT merely the "claim" of being Christian, it IS accepting Christ as Lord and Savior and submitting, out of love for HIM, our will to His will, just as Jesus did in Gethsemene, and in His very presence here in human form.

Again for the RECORD, I don't "pass judgment on this woman," or on her husband either for that matter. I DO have an opinion as to what might be the "best course of action" they should take to help deal with this crisis in their lives, but that's not the same thing as "judging" in the way you are trying to define the word.

HERE is what I said. Read it again if you want to be "fair and balanced:"

******************************************************

ScaredinGA, your husband NEEDS Christian counseling from a trained Christian counselor now more than ever. IF he is a Christian, he NEEDS to be hearing the Word of God, not the word of "man," in helping him to address both his homosexual "feelings" and his unfaithfulness to your marriage.

If YOU are a Christian, you have to put his soul "first" at this point before there will be ANY hope of "saving your marriage." If your husband does not first address his relationship with God, there will be little hope for your marriage, unless you are comfortable with the idea of "it's okay for him to cheat on you because 'he has these feelings."

Standing for God is not always easy. But neither is standing for a covenant marriage when sin of any type entices and invades the marriage. Christians surrender their lives, all of it, to God as both Sovereign LORD and Savior. When someone accepts Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, they "confess" their sins and TURN from them. Repentance means just that, sincere, heartfelt sorrow over one's sinful state and a CHOICE to "leave that life of sin" and follow after Christ in humble obedience to God's commands.

God KNOWS we are still weak and still in our fallen and sinful bodies, living in a sinful world. That is why God PROMISES to Christians in Philippians 4:13 that a Christian CAN do ALL things (no matter how hard or seemingly impossible the task) THROUGH Jesus Christ and the strength that He gives to a Christian. It is God's strength, not our own, that enables us to "overcome," to "repent," to choose to "leave a life of sin" and to receive forgiveness and restoration in Christ.

God knows the struggles we face in life and God NEVER commands us to do something without also providing all the means to OBEY His commands. THROUGH Christ is how God provides that strength and ability to "overcome" no matter how "beyond our ability" it may seem. "Surrender and obey" are not punative, but a loving response to a loving God who withheld NOTHING, not even the life of Jesus Christ, from us while we were lost in sin. God gave out of love then, and continues to give out of love today, not because we "merit" anything, but because Christ merits it and has included "his own" in the promises.

So please, for the sake of your husband's soul and for your marriage...INSIST upon a Christian counselor....assuming your husband considers himself to BE a Christian.

**********************************************************


To ScaredinGA - You said the following:


What YOU think you need is most important at this stage. You WILL get lots of support from both Christians and nonChristians because we all know the pain and effects of betrayal. My only caution to you while you are feeling lost in pain and confusion is to NOT abandon God. Remember this, if nothing else, we have ALL sinned and are ALL in need of God's compassion (that fails not) and forgiveness(that removes the sin and allows healing and restoration).

I am sorry that others have chosen to use your thread to attack me personally, and obedience to God in general. I will "bow out" of the discussion in the hope that you can get the support and advice that you think you need.

Truly I say to you, God bless you and grant you His comfort and wisdom during this extremely difficult time in your life.

The Wonderings - for the record, the Scripture quotes were directed to ManinMotion, not ScaredinGA. However, I am bowing out of this thread because I don't want it to become more about "bashing FH" than it is about trying to help a couple of fellow Christians who are struggling and "under spiritual attack." I've responded to those who chose to attack, and that's enough. Now it's time to allow ScaredinGA to direct her thread as she wants, to seek the advice that she thinks would be helpful, and to trust God to "work all things for good in the lives of those who place their trust in Him."

ditto

I feel embarrased for you FH

Didn't we all know that God is a gentleman under all circumstances.

I agree with most of your post, but I HAVE to ask: Was the word 'queer' really necessary? I'm not gay/bi/whatever, but my husband's brother is, and if anyone ever called him that, I'd probably bust them in the mouth. I see that word to be on the same level with 'the C word,' and the 'n word,' very offensive, and completely unneccessary.

Sorry, Peachy,

That is a cultural thing and I by no means meant offense. I have friends that are gay and lesbian. They refer to themselves as queer. Perhaps it has a more negative connotation in other parts of the world, but here it doesn't.

I would be extremely grateful if anyone who was offended by this would accept my appologies.

I am familar with sexual issues in this area, although I'm no expert. I will say there is always a chance of success for a marriage if both spouses are committed to working out issues. After all you have been married for a long time and it's possible to be married for even a longer period of time now that hopefully there is honesty between the two of you.

Realtor* - hmmmm....okay....what would you like the "topic of discussion" of that thread to be? Your request was very vague and I have no idea what you'd like to discuss in another thread.

Thanks Pep.

I wonder, though, if any disagreement is considered "offensive," why do we bother with "exposing an affair" as wrong? ScaredinGA is a Christian, by her admission. WHERE is there something "offensive" in telling a sister in Christ that she and her husband should be seeking Counseling from a trained Christian counselor, as opposed to a secular counselor? Is it written somewhere that a Christian counselor "can't" know how to work with a homosexual, or any "sinner" for that matter?

Pile on Pep, but with as many "opposing viewpoints" as you offer (i.e., a the "piece of paper" and the married/shacking up discussion) I am a little surprised at your attitude expressed in your seemingly flippant remark ("ditto") of affirmation of JL's "judgment" and "castigation."

However, emotional reactions happen to all of us and often override reasoned thought. It happens to me from time, so it may well also have happened to you too.

Regardless...God bless and have a good day!

ScaredinGA,

I apologize for missing your thread for so long.
If you should return, I WILL remove posts that are off topic.
No bashing.

Magnolia