I have a question. Is it lawful to date when you've only been separated for 2 months? I just found out my husband went on a couple of dates. We just recently got separated and for the first month in a half he left the house. He is now back home because he can't afford to sets of bills. We live in Florida and I'm not sure what the legalities are. Should I hire a PI, in case things get ugly during our divorce. I'm not looking forward to any of this and I'm heartbroken that my husband can get over me so quickly. I thought we had a wonderful marriage. I guess I was in the dark. Any help?

I dont know if it is legal or not. I would think that your attorney could tell you. And burden of proof would be on you if it wasnt legal.

Tx, I don't have a lawyer yet..I don't want to even think about it. You know maybe it'll go away. I figure if he wants this divorce he's going to have to do all the leg work and file first. I'm hoping since he's such a procrastinator and doesn't have much money it'll take him a while before he finds someone. The only thing is I'm not cool with him going out if we're still married. It was just a thought & I didn't know if anyone would know. Thanks

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Are you sure that your husband didn't have someone lined up BEFORE you were separated? That is what it sounds like to me.

In many states, infidelity is not taken into consideration. In PA, a no-fault state, it's not taken into consideration and once you file for divorce, you are legally able to date.

The real trouble is even if it's against the law in FL, what will you get out of it? Unless there's going to be an ugly custody battle, documenting this may only cost you money.

Have you read this site? The four basic concepts are essential.

I've read the four basic concept, but what good does it do me if my husband won't read them or even try? He is still living at home, basically, if not at his mom's or sister's, so I just wanted to know. I mean we're not legally separated and he hasn't filed for divorce, we've just talked about it and he left. Doesn't that mean we're still married? I would consider it cheating? Any advice?

mstew,

Don't waste your money on a PI - in most states adultery doesn't count for either divorce settlement or for custody.

Read more of Dr. Harley's articles here. You goal is supposed to be that you figure out what your husband's emotional needs are, and fill them. (Plan A) You should also first eliminate any LBs or love busters which will empty his love bank that you build by meeting his ENs faster than you can fill it.

You are going to have to work very hard at being as good as you can be and leaving things alone that he doesn't want to talk about or do. This is not about fixing him, this is about turning his attention back to him and letting him remember how well you met his ENs when you fell in love.

If he is dating, (scumbag), then let it go. Screaming at him is not going to generate warm feelings in him for you. Now you can tell him that you want to stay married and you would like to have a chance to try again and you would rather not compete with other women. It may happen that you will have to compete with other women.

In the end - if after six months there is no improvement, then it is time to go to Plan B.

V.

Well, I just talked to him and he really wants a divorce. I asked why the hurry and he said I had told him he couldn't date if he was still married to me. I told him I didn't need to know he had gone on dates, he had told me obviously to brag. I told him he wants the D he'll have to file. I'm so sad about this. I asked him again to see someone together, that maybe we could revisit the feelings we had when we fell in love, I mean 15 years is a long time and he just wants to throw it away. He told me he just wants to be alone to do things on his own. I don't know what to do it's so hard to just sit idly and do nothing. Maybe I should go out and see how he likes it. I won't I'm to much of a chicken. Thanks for your advice.

mstew,

Maybe you could visit the GQII or Just found out boards. It sounds almost as if your husband is already having an affair.

Mostly guys use the "wants to be alone" or "wants to do things on his own" card when they already have someone waiting to do those things with.

V.

Whats GQII? I didn't think he was having "an affair". I gues I never thought of that from him. We had always told each other that we would be respectfull in that aspect. I beleive to this day that he has abided by our mutual rules...but I guess I don't know. It sure sounds like he might be..but I never thought he would. I guess I've been living in a cave. \at this point he doesn't have much to offer... I men he has no home to bring someone home to..and he is living at his mom's...I don't know..I might be living in my own dream... thanks for the advice though... keep it coming..I need all that I can get!

Mstew---do you know what an affair is? emotional affair vs. physical affair? Faithful marriage partners do not date other people.

GQII is the forum called General Questions. This is were most newbies go to understand their situation and get help from those who are in the same place. This divorcing board is for those who are getting divorced after working many years sometimes through all the possibilities of marriage recovery.

Please research what Dr Harley says about Plan A.....then work to understand that aspect of Marriage Builders first.

TW