I am sure my STBXW's characteristics will ring true for many of you:

WHOLLY and COMPLETELY self-absorbed...last contact confirmed that.

WHOLLY and COMPLETELY unwilling to accept one iota of REAL responsibility for what she has done...last contact shows her search for "behavioral scapegoats" is moving full steam ahead.

I will never really KNOW what my REAL status with her was during our sham of a marriage, but it sure was not husband...perhaps I was a transitory convenience to her?

I really don't know and I REALLY don't care...

My S(omeday)TBXH has exhibited a lot of hurtful behavior since he lost his sobriety 6+ years ago. Sadly, he's hurt himself more than anyone else, followed by those he loved most. While I once felt like the victim of his affair and alcoholic behavior, I now feel like he's, as we all are, his own worst enemy. To trash him here would be kicking him when he's already down. I feel sad about the outcome and truly hope he'll find sobriety again along with some happiness to justify his choices.

Meanwhile, my buttons will continue to get pushed until I can get our divorce finalized, at which point I hope to be able to let go of all lingering resentment completely. As we say in Al-Anon, resentment is like taking poison expecting the other person to die.

I think of you LetsTry and hope that you are doing well!

Karona

I'm sure my ex has some good qualities. I mean, I fell in love with and married him, after all. We had two kids. We lived together for about 7 years. (OMG did we really??!)

It has been so long since he has displayed any of those qualities to me, however, I forget what they were ...

I'd like to say he's a good father. I know HE thinks he is. I'm not sure he's the best role model, however.

Not that I'm perfect. But I try.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

K, I thought I posted a reply earlier, but it didn't show up! I haven't been visiting as often, but I always check your posts when I'm here, even if I don't respond. My lawyer sent an offer to H's lawyer several weeks ago but we haven't heard anything and his lawyer hasn't responded to my lawyers phone calls so we may end up in court.

Meanwhile, I'm not dating - not looking and nobody's asking - but having a good time with friends. Haven't been back to the swing class, but I went out dancing until after midnite last Saturday night. Hope you're doing well, too.

V, Sorry for the threadjack!

My ex met the om in Sept.
He left the area in December. She left to be with him in Feb (after 19 years marriage).
His job (also hers now) moves him around the country every few weeks/months.

We have two daughters. One had just turned 8 & the other was 13.
She has seen the oldest 5 times and the youngest 4 times.
She calls about once every 6 months-1 year. She sends a card on b-days and Christmas.

We have been divorced now for almost 4 years and she does not know it yet (no address to have her served so I filed in the newspaper).

She visited them about 4 months after she left. (May 99)
She visited again a year and a half later. (Jan 02)
She came for my oldest daughters graduation a year and a half later. (May 03)
She visited her father after he was diagnosed with cancer. (Jun 04). She saw the oldest, not the youngest. My oldest got drunk out of town and spent the night in the ER. I found out the next day because my wife called her cell phone and the guy my daughter went with answered and told her what happened. My wife called me and that was he first I heard about it. Since she was 18, I could not find out any info (even where she was) from the hospitals.
My wife left town without finding out anymore about her. She called and left a message for my youngest on the answering machine, sobbing how she was sad she didn't get to visit. She never called me and told me she would e around to arrange a visit.

She was just in town (about 60 miles from where we live) because her father died. We all went to the funeral. She saw the girls for a day & a half (along with all the other family).
I didn't say a word to her the whole time.

She didn't call them when she arrived and she didn't call them when she left.

We have spoken a total of maybe 3 hours in the last 5+years?

You tell me what she's like... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I hardly know what to say after reading your reply.

I guess the only thing to say is, what happens to these poor kids? With all respect to you of course.

This would be like a death of their mother, only worse because she is alive, well, and they know this, but they can't touch her or talk to her.

This story makes me sad, but I think I'm actually more mad or should I say disgusted. People that act like this have no clue about life, and how fragile it is.


Karona

xpButtercup~~

I've never seen the B-day cake before so I'm assuming it's YOUR Birthday.

If So, Happy Birthday!!

K!

Chris,
Your post made me cry. What a tragedy for your girls. Are they in counseling?

That you are still here helping people try to save their M's (mine included) after reading your post, is a real testament to your character...

My ony hope/wish is that you have found a lady worthy of you...life is too short to be alone, but it is WAY to short to put up with unrepetant cheating either. Alone is better than betrayal.

My hat is off to you , Sir!

WNB

[color:"blue"] Wow Chris - you know I never knew your story before - I joined MB in 99 but never saw many of your posts except for encouragement and advise posts.

My first ex moved from southern GA to Jacksonville FL - I thought to be closer to our daughter or to have the opportunity to renew things with me. He had visitation with his daughter maybe once a year. In the same town. I never understood that either - how he could just completely forget about her like that.

He had girlfriends over the years - but never lived with any of them. He never remarried. He told me recently that he has concluded that he would have to give up too much to have a relationship so he doesn't bother.

Give up what? Some freedom to do what? Fish?

He said women tell you what to do.

(If that were so bad, then why do married men live longer and have higher satisfaction levels overall?)

I find the most selfish men I think. Men that no one else will have or tolerate.

V.[/color]

I had cake and I didn't even know it?!? Yes, my birthday was yesterday.

The 5th anniversary of my 29th birthday. We had steak and Halloween candy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'll play

Let's see - we couldn't afford new carpet but he built ow a new house

We couldn't have a dog after my yellow lab died - he and ow have a dog. I have a dog now

he hated Cats - I got two after he left - and yep you guessed it he and the ow have cats.

Wasn't going to walk his daughter down the aisle cause I invited a mutual friend that had a fling with his ow and he didn't want him there - and instead of just dealing with me he called his daughter and informed her that I did it on purpose to get even and she had an ultimatum - if he came to the wedding exh wasn't. So let's see he left me after 25 years of marriage for his ow - built her a house - does everything with her and for her that he wouldn't do for me and my inviting this man to my daughters wedding was going to even the score.

Went to Florida - our youngest son lives in Florida - made arrangements to go see him then didn't show up - called him at 7:00 to inform him they went to Daytona instead. Had called DS at 10:00 to talk to him - DS called him back at 11:15 and they were already gone - ds thought he was on his way to their house. Couldn't come down the next day cause they had Cirque De Soleil tickets? This is the man who wouldn't go to the county fair with me and his children.

So let's see - he's just a prince. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Yes you did! A nice pretty yellow one!

K!

I'm jumping the gun a little, but she's beautiful, brilliant, has a huge ego, is insecure and requires constant compliments, loves her children, doesn't know how to talk about s-e-x or ENs, lies and is deceitful (i.e., horribly dishonest), very charming, inconsiderate, fragile but masculine. I could go on and on; basically an enigma.

My X?

Hmmm, a friend once told me to write down the things that I would tell myself if I were to date my "X".

1.-Materialistic
2.-Obsessive
3.-Pushy
4.-Dominant
5.-No consideration towards others
6.-Makes decisions w/o consulting
7.-Gives money to his family arguing that it's his money
8.-Deceitful
9.-Wants to push people into liking what he likes
10.-Will dump you if you do not have passions in life
11.-Won't give, will just receive
12.-Likes to be intimate only when he pleases and how he wants it
13.-Is easily bored
14.-Wants to be in contact with ex-girlfriends
15.-Will not stop answering phone calls no matter what
16.-Make first XW part of your family even if she lives in another state, you will have to just shove it because they share a "little" boy.
17.-Be a mom in all the extension of the word whether you want it or not.
18.-Be ready to be left alone at home with step son and still pretend it's ok.
19.-Have an encyclopedia because as soon as he sees you don't know much of anything you will become ignorant or an underachiever
20.-Be sure to make time in your short day to : go to work, cook,take care of stepson, be ready to share holidays with first XW pretty soon,prepare yourselve more in school, always say you love your career,lie if you need to make him believe you are now a CEO
21.-Be in debt up to your eyeballs
22.-Have money in bank for whatever he might think is needed
23.-Be ok with him going out for "coffee" with TV models
24.-Never be jelous
25.-Go to the gym
26.-Never gain a pound
27.-He doesn't like coffee (I wonder why he likes coffee with TV models?)
28.-You can not get drunk in any occassion
29.-Be ready to not spend more than what he thinks you should
30.-Be ready to have perfect french nails all the time


Darn, I think I am better off w/o him. I was still in doubt.