Hello everyone,

First I want to thank everyone for your assistance.

I spoke with an attorney today. I informed him of my husband's ONS, and the impending birth of the OC in January. He told me the first and only thing to worry about right now, is DNA. He said that we don't have to do anything, just await the court order for DNA.

Does that sound right to you veterans?

He also explained that we should not have any problems as far as property is concerned because all property is in my name, however, he did say that my husband should prepare a will and stipulate any and all assets be awarded to me.

My husband's name is not on any of the deeds to our homes, but he is on the Mortgage to one house. Is that a problem?
It is written in his divorce decree from his first wife the amount of money owed for child support. Is that considered a court order?

Is there anything else we need to do? The OC is due in January. To be completely honest, I'm not even sure if the huzzy is pregnant. My husband and I have not spoken to her or her husband since I was nasty nice with them on the phone in June.

Just crossing my T's and dotting my I's.

Thank you all so much for all the good advice and wonderful, uplifting support.

hi crazyhurt

you might want to consider filing for a legal seperation and getting your own child support order inplace before the oc is born. in a lot of places whoever files first wins and gets the lions share of any income available for child support.

it is a way of protecting yourself and your children. you dont want to be in a position where if things dont work out with your h you have to stand behind the OW for CS.

cheers

carolyn

Hello Carolyn,

My husband and I don't have any children as of yet (more painful). The children I speak of are his children from a previous marriage. Child support was issued in the divorce papers between him and his XW. Does that qualify?

I believe the prev. marriage children are protected as far as CS is concerned because it is already established via a finalized divorce and court order.

if it predates any application by the ow then it should take precidence over it.
what about alimony or spousal support for yourself? i know you said that most of the property was in your name but if it was to all go wrong, would you be able to support yourself without having to sell of property? if not, i would have a chat with the lawyer about maybe putting an application in for spousal support. i am not an expert on law here, i just think i remember someone else doing that either here or somewhere else. it might have been Lynn G, could be wrong. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

BTW, i know that pain too. H and i dont have children yet either. it feels like a theft sometimes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

cheers

Carolyn

Carolyn - It really does hurt. We have been thinking about having a child, but I want to get this straight first and to be real honest, I just don't know. I don't know where we are right now.

As far as taking care of myself, I am what you call an independent woman. I can always handle me. That's another reason I want to wait before I get pregnant. I want to be sure that I'm ready to handle the situation alone, in case my H acts a fool. I want to know that I would have it all in control.

That is one of the reason's I just don't understand OW's. If I got pregnant by a MM, I would totally handle the situation on my own. I probably would have an abortion, but if I didn't, I wouldn't expect anything from him. I guess I'm just different, or maybe stronger. I don't know.

Another question ladies, on another board, there is a young lady who explains that if my husband was to die, the OC would get SS and a portion of my husbands estate. I'm not explaining this right. She's basically saying that even if we had a will and the OC was disinherited, the OC would be entitled to whatever amount of money ordered in court, like the court would order $300 a month until the OC turns 18. Let's say my husband dies when the OC is 5 years old, the other lady is telling me that I or his estate would be responsible for the $300 a month. When I spoke to the attorney, he told me that was not the case. He said the OC would only get SS, especially if I had a will (my husband's name is not on any of our property). The lady says that's how it works for her and her OC. Does that sound crazy to anyone else?

i think that depends on were you live. i have seen situations where the court has ordered the father to take out a policy to cover the CS should he die before the childs majority. i dont know if it is common but i have seen it. if no policy was in place and the cs liability continued after death, then a portion of his estate probably would be kept back for the benefit of the oc. it really depends on the laws of wherever you are. If your attorney has said it is not an issue, then he is the specialist so i would take some comfort from that.

as for inheritance, if your h decided that he did not want to leave oc anything in his will, and he did not mention the oc at all, the oc would probably have grounds to challenge the will on the basis that not including the oc was an oversight. LynnG is the expert on this but essentially what you have to do is specifically state in the will that you are leaving the oc $1 or some other nominal amount.

The oc or OC's mother on its behalf would argue that leaving the oc out of the will was an oversight and that the oc should get a fair cut along with all the other benaficiaries. That you h would have always wished to leave something but by some quirk of fate, it got missed. By leaving $1 you make it clear to any probate court that the oc was consdiered in writing the will and a decision was made in respect to any inheritance. A court is not going to judge the the rights and wrong of who got what. all a court is interested in is that the proper wishes of the deceased is carried out. By including the oc and awarding a nomial amount you make it clear to the judge that those are the wishes of the deceased.

hope that makes sense. Dont stress.

cheers

Carolyn

Edited to add a sentence i seem to have deleted by mistake.

i think we are twins. i feel the same way and have been delaying starting a family until i had some confidence in my marriage surviving.

i also think that if i ever found myself in the shoes of an ow <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, i would have way too much pride to allow myself to be the third wheel in someones marriage like that. Sometimes i think that is the reason for so much of the hostility the ow displays. its humiliating to have to queue up for your hand out each month. if i didnt abort, no one would see me for dust. i can look after me and my own but then having been raised in a single parent household i am very independent to start with. i rely on no-one but me.

The hurt does get better though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Carolyn

Your attorney has already told you that his estate/you would not be liable for any child support in the event of his death. If you are uncomfortable, ask for this information again.

Have you asked about a legal separation/alimony/spousal support that will predate any CS request from the OW? You can get support and that will help protect finances. Also, you can ask about the OW and her even being pregnant.

I know someone, who last year the OW said she was pregnant with a MM child. They had her sign an affadavit stating that it was his and couldn't possibly be anyone elses. So the couple purchased a policy to cover 50% of the birth costs, etc. Guess what? The child was tested and was not the MM afterall (big surprise). Anyway, the couple was able to sue the OW, and she was in big trouble for insurance fraud, theft, and a whole slew of other charges. That OW was kicked around quite a bit by the law, as she deserved. The couple was reimbursed and then some as she had to sell her car and other posessions to do so. Her parents were livid that this couple would do that to a new mother?????? As if the couple, the hospital, and the insurance company all owed this OW something?

ALWAYS prepare for the worst and hope for the best in these situations. Once you are set up legally, let life move on and let the laywers handle it. Why waste another moment on the OW and her drama?