My husband and I have had a really good recovery from his A for more than a year. Our marriage has been better than it's ever been, and in April we will celebrate 10 years together.

The OW is a secretary at WH work. She ended it... and my husband went through months of withdrawl. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. We both decided he should stay at his present job, because he could establish no contact and still do his job. Then he moved his office to the other side of the building and we began to work on our marriage recovery.

Yesterday, I was upstairs folding clothes when I noticed my WH left his computer on with his WORK email open. He had left to work and in his hurry forgot to shut down his email.

Needless to say I found about 10 or so emails between the OW and himself from Friday. They were talking about meeting Friday night for a drink, My husband told OW a story about our two yr old, and in another email he wrote something to the effect of "could she be any less attractive to him".

I almost passed out, and immediately called him to tell him not to bother coming home.....

He has begged me, promised the world, promised to change everything about himself, cried....ect....

He tells me they just started back talking over the last week, and that he hasn't touched her.....and I have bridge to sell you all in Thailand.

My situation is different in that my husband suffers from BPD. He has been on the meds for over a year and things have been really great.

However, he is also telling me he forgot meds this week, and after his actions Friday, he told me he bumped up his dose because he has felt manic all week.

Do ya'll smell the stench of Bullsh*t?

Anyway, I'm crushed and I don't think I have it in me for another recovery.

He's promised to switch jobs, move us , ...ect.....
But why would I even want to try?

I guess I'm posting to see if anyone else has 'relapse' stories and how they handled it.

I can't even look at him right now, and I am struggling to not run out and file.

Thanks,
Rachel

Are they still working at the same place? The Harleys suggest having no contact - ever. I think he needs to leave his job.

My WH saw the ow and became the alien overnight. Since then he has been on strike and no co ntact for the past month. Things have improved to the point of pre A. His attitude is genuinely loveing H I always knew. If he goes back to work and contact happens again I have my plan B letter in my pocket. Your H needs to change jobs. I am so sorry this has happened. I really mean it as I know so well how deeply this hurts.

Thank you so much for your replies Believer and Realtor....


It feels like D day again and I am disgusted by him. His field is specialized and it's difficult to find a job specific to what he does in our area, not to mention He will lose all status at his job and have to almost start from the bottom again.

I didn't push for him to quit before because he established no contact and assured me through words and action he could do it.

Now he's offering the world.....

I told him (sarcastically)it might be a good idea to switch jobs, however, in all seriousness I don't know at this point how much good it will do for me in wanting to work on things again.

It just upsets me to no end to think of going through the sleepless nighta again, anxiety regarding his email and contacts, and basic distrust.

I have to tell you....it took all I had before.

Thanks for your support and your experience, it helps to see what others have done in this situation.

Rachel