Elixir,<BR>Your other post was getting quite long. I did want to address your comments. <P>Yep, I was a creep when I cheated. I confessed voluntarily. If I hadn't confessed, he wouldn't know to this day and I'd still be married. My husband never forgave me, and we'll both have this painful memory for the rest of our lives. 6 months after he divorced me, he called and apologized and said he wished he was a bigger person. I think I was a pretty big person for confessing. I think alot of the betrayers here are pretty big people for being able to face up to the pain they've caused and actually doing something to make amends. So, they want a chance to make amends. What is so awful about that. Now, saying all of this, do you think YOU deserve forgiveness for things you have done to hurt people? What are YOU doing to amend the hurt you've cause your spouse or others? As long as you are pointing the finger at others, you get to keep from taking responsibility for your share of the problems. A repentant spouse has every right to at least HOPE for forgiveness from someone who SAYS they love them. Many of the betrayers on this forum at least have spent many years being good husbands/wives before falling prey to adultery. What is the limit of remorse? Should your SO agree to let themselves be killed (as is legal in some countries), abused, harrassed the rest of their lives to show how "remorseful" they are? What about grace? What about the love their spouses claim to have? Virtue untested is not virtue. It is just words. What about all the good, faithful years they spent with their SO's. That is worth nothing? <P>

I LOVE that. Virtue untested isn't virtue. It's just words. <p>[This message has been edited by Sorina (edited September 28, 1999).]

Student,<BR> It is good to hear from you. I think way too many people are giving way too much creedence to that thread of elixers. I want you to know that you are not a creep, Maya, rjr are not creeps. Carlton......?<BR>I will always respect you for what you did in the fact of confessing to your husband and wanting to re-build. He unfortunately lost out by not staying. Please don't beat yourself up and that goes for all of you.

Many faithful years with a SO are certainly admirable - but like you wrote, virtue untested is not virtue; it is only words. Many people can go many years w/o even noticing anybody but their spouse, and suddenly one day lust after another. I know, because I've had sudden temptations strike me, sometimes years apart, sometimes for apparently no reason. A person shows their true worth only when they are tested; having failed one can only hope to learn from the experience, better themself and treat those they cherish with more respect and honour.<P>I never said I was perfect. Far from it indeed. I make mistakes with alarming frequency, but I do try to learn from the stumbles along the road. It may be hard for you to believe but yes - I do forgive, no - I don't bear grudges, and yes - I appreciate and respect others more often than not.

elixir,<BR>You said: "A person shows their true worth only when they are tested; having failed one can only hope to learn from the experience, better themself and treat those they cherish with more respect and honour."<P>And I'll add that not only does it take courage to resist temptation, I think it also takes a great deal of courage to admit failure, admit where you've hurt someone and actually take measures to repair that hurt, which many of the betrayers on this forum are trying to do, if given a chance.