Has anyone read Homer McDonald's book, "Stop Your Divorce!"?

His basic strategy is this: ALWAYS agree with your partner. That means if s/he says, "I want a divorce", you should agree. The theory is that ... well, here are his words:

"Always agree.

If you talk about where they are wrong, they become more wrong. And if you talk about where they are right, they immediately become less wrong.

See, most people don't know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person, do not defend yourself, do not explain yourself, they will defend you.

They will reverse their position.

Amazing!

It works like magic!

A person says, 'You know, I want a divorce.'

'I understand. I agree.'

It looks [like] you're moving faster toward a divorce, but you're getting at the roots of why they want a divorce. They want a divorce because you're always disagreeing with them.

They do not want a divorce from somebody who's always pleasant and is always seeing their side and always agreeing with them.

That's not the person they're pulling away from.

They're pulling away from the person who disagrees with them.

People don't want to be married to somebody who's holding a gun on them.

'You owe me love because we're married. You've got to love me because we're married.'

No, no. You've got to get rid of the hostility before their good feelings can show. And their hostility may seem to you like it's totally independent of anything that you do.

No!

You are supporting their negativism by your attitude of needing and pressuring and whining and complaining, and trying to argue for your way.

Just enthusiastically see it their way.

You're happy to do whatever they want.

Wow! That takes the props totally out from under their hostility. And so we want to continue this attitude.

You are acting secure now.

When you say, 'You're the only one that I can love, you're the only one that I can be happy with, you're the only one' you're really saying, 'I'm a pea-brain. I can't really see that the world is full of beautiful women or good looking men. I can't see that. I don't have any confidence at all. Don't you want me?'

No, they don't.

'I have no self-esteem, no nothing. Don't you want me?'

And the answer is no."

Seems pretty goofy, doesn't it? Always agree with your partner? My wife has specifically told me that she doesn't want a Yes-man. Nobody does. I don't think that's really the point of what he's saying, however. I think what it ultimately boils down to is being unthreatening. Making him/her comfortable. Anyway, I can go on and on, but that's my impression.

Of course there's a lot more to his book. I just found that strategy particularly intriguing.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to see if anyone has read this book. I ask because the e-book version sells for $80(!) and the print version runs for $100(!!). Before I invested that kind of money into a book, I thought I'd find out if it's worth it. Thanks.

Ever Looked at:


Check your local library first. Find the Divorce Section, and then look to see what books your library has in that section.


Michelle Weiner-Davis
http://www.divorcebusting.com/

The Love Diet

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010377#000006


180 Degree Divorce Busters
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=3;t=000476;p=0



There is more to Homer Macdonald:

1. The first is to give them reassurance. “I've changed. I won't be controlling anymore. I won't lie to you anymore. I won't have another affair,” and so forth. The efforts to give them reassurance. This almost never works.

2. The second strategy is to tell them over and over again, “I love you.” That never works.

3. The third strategy is arguing, reasoning, trying to talk them into feeling different or doing different. That never works.

What do you think it will provide that isn't available here? I skimmed the PDF real quick. To be frank, seemed light on the meat, heavy on the fluff.

May re-read it again, but would need a compelling reason to pursue it over MB principles.

life_goes_on, your link isn't working.

While Homer McDonald's advice sounds trite it is nonetheless true. In fact it sounds very reminiscent of Michelle Weiner Davis's Divorce Busting 180 Degree List. But if I were you I would not let his salesman enthusiasm get my hopes up. If your W divorced you, chances are good that you will never get her back, no matter what HM says.

I haven't read the book, but what it sounds like he's saying is not that you are "agreeing" with them about wanting a divorce, but that you are ACKNOWLEDGING" How they feel concerning wanting a divorce.

"I want a divorce"

"Okay, I understand."

"Is there a reason you want a divorce?"

"well, your a jerk"

"yeah, your right, I can be a jerk at times"

So you see, it's not about AGREEING with them, but more
acknowledging that you understand how they feel, about wanting a divorce.

I ordered the e-book and disagreed with some of it's principles (except I think I only paid $50) - and they refunded my money. Ideas like "date someone else" to make your WS jealous - effective, but against my beliefs and I think a bad idea in general.

However, there were things in the main website that gave the gist of what his strategy is. I did it a lot, thought it worked fabulously well, and recommend those "jujisu" go with the flow non-confrontational approach very highly. Helped bring us back from the brink of divorce, definitely. The theory is that of mirroring, listening... not invalidating what your WS says by lovebusting with disrespectful judgements and selfish demands. I thought in general his theories were consistent with MB, except for some of the more misquoted and twisted Christian sentiments.

Ok, Try this. It had two http:// in it the first time.

Mrs. S
I would really appreciate your help with my marriage that is all but over.
My wife filed on me last Wednesday. I have been trying to plan A as Dr. Harley suggested. It's just I feel it sliping away and I am really not sure if I am doing the right thing.
Can you read my post "WW wants to leave me for OM" On the GC2 Header?
Thank you Dazed.

My husband tried the rehashing routine when I told him we are finally getting a divorce. Why? You've been a jerk. You've hurt me, cut me off, didn't listen, didsn't support me at the worst time in my life... I left a year ago, I have peace. You say it'll all be different yet you hang up on me and used foul language. You are still drinking.

But you wronged me too, he said, pointing out what I did that caused him to do this to me...

This does NOT work.

Agreeing to get a divorce? Had he said ok, it's time to get a divorce I would have thought ok, he's dating someone else - most men do stats say before they actually divorce a woman and I'd still divorce him.

If he was genuinely SORRY, did plan A, was nice, really nice in the past year. Tried to make up for all the muck in this marriage that would be one thing. He'd have to be sincere and at this point it would take lots of time and sincerity.

For him to admit he's wrong. That he was wrong. For him to stop blaming me for everything.

Obviously it's common sense a lot of this. But during a divorce couples are so busy pointing the finger at each other, in the trenches, they can't see the big picture anyways - it's war.

It's sad to me.

I'm about to get a divorce. My husband will be served Thanksgiving week.