I was clued in that my wife and friend were having committing adultry together in April 04. I was sure of it by November 04. At the begining of March 05 I told here I was finished and was going to divorce her. 15 April 05 she confessed but has only gave details after I found out and nothing freely. I know even after she promiced to have no contact after Febuary 05 she has had it through September 05. Of course this was her secret untill she found out the other man was writing me a letter telling all. Then she got mad at him and threatened to tell his wife about the contact. As he has about everything he came clean when he seen it wasn't going to be a secret any longer. Now all I want is a divorce and I am willing to negotiate but she refuses to talk about anything but me comming back. I gave here a divorce agreement to sign or negtiate over on 8 November 05 with a dead line to return it by 8 December 05. She has yet to see a lawyer and has friends telling her to do nothing to aid this divorce. I have told her if I don't have a answer in time I am paying the full amount for a contested divorce and because I will have to pay so much I won't negotiate again. Her friends are going to hurt her more then they know. She also believes agreeing to this will be unbiblical and I don't see that because I know that biblicaly I'm allowed to make this choice. She know I won't change my mind because this is her second time and it took five years for me to get over it. Why must she make this worse then it is? Any ideas?

dear rhm....if you feel you've done everything and truelly dont want to try again...i say move foward. do what you need to do. she has had many chances to learn and change....yet she seems to only pick and choose the things that will benefit herself.

do what you need to do...your a good man.

RHM, I'm sorry about your situation. I haven't read your posts before. I don't have any advice to offer you but I just want to give my support and let you know that I've read your post and will keep you in my prayers... May God give you comfort, wisdom and strenght during this difficult and painfull time.

Although God always hate divorce, He does allow divorce in circumstances like yours. Therefore, the decision to divorce and start over is yours and yours alone and only you can finally decide on this.

Blessings and take care of yourself,
Suzet

this is your question , as I understand you....

[color:"purple"]She know I won't change my mind because this is her second time and it took five years for me to get over it. Why must she make this worse then it is? Any ideas?
[/color]

why must she make this worse?

because she wants what she wants

have you been able to provide an above average standard of living? this may be important to her...

why is she making this difficult? well ... you forgave her infidelity once before, and her thinking may be "why not this time as well?"

but ... why she does what she does may remain a mystery... it is more important for you to understand why you do what you do

best wishes

Hi, RHM.

Quote:
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Why must she make this worse then it is? Any ideas?
======================================

I will try to answer your question since you have made up your mind to divorce her.

The same entitlement that aided her conscience in continuing both affairs, is now enabling her yet again in resisting your wishes to exit the relationship. You are absolutely right that you have a right to divorce her.

If divorce is your decision, then do whatever it takes to legally continue the process.

If she is truly a changed woman, then she can demonstrate that to you after the divorce. Just remember that extraordinary claims, require extraordinary proof, and as of now, you have none of that from her. She can and will prove her intentions (her claims) in time, divorced or not. In your case, it is probably better to view her intentions from a distance.

Sorry for your pain.

Gimble

RHM,

Is it her normal style to just ignore a problem and hope it goes away?

By the way, thanks for putting that song back in my head. I have one potty training now.

Dobie

{{RHM}}

I don't know what to say. I communicated some with your W and I know she wants to save the M but I got the feeling that she had accepted you wanted a D. I am sorry this is such a struggle for both of you.

Boy can I relate. My h has been having affairs I recently found out pretty steady for the past 2 years. Most of them one nighters. One was kind of on again off again ( a real whack job) and the one he is living with now who's marriage he is listed in their divorce as the reason for their divorce. She is another whack job. I am not sure if this is an actual "relationship" or if he is just using her to hurt me and have a free place to stay for a while. ( I believe a lot of it is just to hurt me and he is a user)

anywho, I finally give in and do sep papers after fighting doing it for a long time ( he left in july) and in them it gives me everything I am entitled to under NYS law. Nothing crazy or extravagant mind you, just the basics. Well, he gets them and says he refuses to sign them! I told him i was not changing them. You see, oh he'll do a legal sep but he wants it to be on HIS terms. well, he can bite me. He is the one that hurt me and our kids and his family and mine and the ow's husbands, etc, etc... Sh*t all over us for 2 years, lied and cheated and used... and he wants it on HIS terms! imagine. Well, he is part time military and leaves for Iraq in January but will be back in May. I am with you and have said as you have said. No sign papers as they are be prepared for a contested divorce and if it goes to court I will air it all. I will call in every witness I can get my hands on including his ho. We shall see. They don't want us, they make that obvious with their blatantly evil behaviour, and yet they have the nerve to make a sep or divorce difficult. I would love to know what mine thinks sometimes. He has no power in this whatsoever. This goes before a judge he is done. I have so much on him I could write a book. And I will get full custody of our kids if it goes in front of a judge and yet he still gives me a hard time. Wish I could say it is because he loves me and wants to save our marriage and he is soooo sorry for all he has done. Ha! yea right. He shows not one ounce of remorse for me, our kids, or ow's husband. Nor does she.

Just wanted to say I can totally understand where you are coming from. Totally. mlhb

[color:"green"] Hi Dobie and FF. Long time no type....LOL
MLHB That is hard. I hope his deployment don't stall your D if that is trully where you need to go with this. I'm in NY now and this snow is keeping me stuck at home.

Dobie can I borrow the Daytona? Never mind here comes more snow.......LOL.

FF Sorry yours is headed to a D also.

Well ladies maybe you can do a mail order husband! That's it! I haven't heard of them. I'm going to be rich. Place your requirements and orders early!!!!! [/color]

RHM-
I am truly sorry for all your pain.
All I can really say is that your wife seems very selfish.
I can't believe after all this time she honestly thinks you might come back. And if she really cared about you then she would have come clean and been on her knees begging to take her back. No more secrets. And for this to be her second time? She has proven herself to be VERY selfish that's why she's making this so hard. And on another note, she must not know her bible very well. You should tell her next time she thinks it's unbiblical to divorce, that no you have the right to divorce her and remarry if you'd like and that she may never remarry AGAIN. Matthew 5:32 She would be comitting adultery 3 times then.
I just think that's hilarious she thinks thats. I mean after all she's done has been unbiblical and when something is right it's wrong. Boy she sure has a way of making white black and black white. Right there is a sin.
Well I hope I helped a little. Just know that once you divorce her, you are free as bird. haha. Hope your life is overflowing with lots of joy to come.
-R

Rhonda, I am curious why you would post to this particular thread after registering only today and why this would be your only post?

It is not helpful for RHM or his stbx to tear her apart like that. Support is key.

Post deleted by CamoKnightsWife

Sorry CMW. I had no idea. I just did not like the tone of her post and she came out of the blue. My apologies to you.

FF-
I'm sorry I was just speaking my mind. I guess I let my own problems out. I'm going through a lot myself and I've had friends where their spouses had affairs and all the mistakes they've made. It hurts to know what they've gone through and I don't want to end up like them. I'm sorry if I offeneded you. I won't be so harsh next time.


-R

Its ok Rhonda. I know RHM's stbx posts here too and I try to be sensitive to all.

[color:"green"]Don't worry about it Rhondaa. More then anything this post was just for me to vent. I'm sure my stbx would have some disagreements about what I wrote and so shall it be. I just need to vent sometimes. In this case I just want a D and not fight about it. I'm soooo sick of fighting and yelling about anything or from anyone. [/color]

RHM,

The weather is supposed to be better this week. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Which leads me to the eternal question of what you're doing for yourself right now?

Dobie

[color:"green"] I'm not realy sure what you mean but, I'm going to church working on the D, and working at retireing from the military. I have to set up a new apt with no furnature so there is plenty to keep me busy. [/color]