Does she have life insurance? If so who's the beneficiary? What about, as someone else suggested, making your kids the beneficiaries?

I think she's only entitled to 1/2 accrued while you were married.

For how long? Is she a SAHM? If so, this might be reasonable for a limited time until she finds a job.

My STBXWH wants attorney's fees, too, as well as spousal support, along with the large lump sum and long-term monthly payments I'm offering to buy him out of our business. My lawyer says it's fairly common for spouse with larger income to pay other spouse's attorney's fees... I'm planning to fight this one, too. My WH claims he's disabled, but I think he's chosen not to work because of his substance abuse, which shouldn't be my responsibility.

I withdrew my retirement when I left my job and invested it in our business, which means WH automatically gets 1/2 of it. My father gave money every year after my mother died to all kids, spouses, and grandkids. STBXH already spent his and his son's share, so for me, that's no longer an issue.

My H left 5 years ago. I filed 4.5 years ago in order to get a restraining order, which is still in effect. He continued to waffle and I continued to allow it for another year until I got fed up and told him it was OW and drugs or me.

He made his choice and I've been trying for the last 3.5 years to get divorced. Initially I was appalled and resentful at what it was costing me. I refused to accept that he deserved anything after what he did. I've come to accept the legal reality and to recognize the mistakes I made along the way that allowed him to get a lot more than he really deserves. I've mellowed over those years and now just accept that it's going to cost me a lot more than just the heartache. At this point I just want to be free, whatever it costs!

BMBO, I used to post here awhile back when the message boards looked different, but my username wouldn't work when they changed everything. I just started reading here again lately (hence lurker) and just decided to sign back up.

Just on my policy right now. I would like to make my kids the beneficiary. Who's to say I don't meet someone else someday and want to get re-married and have children? I am still young and that is a possibility even though marriage is the LAST thing on my mind. Then what? My new wife and possibly children lose out because I have to give my life insurance to my XW? Seems wrong all the way around if you ask me. I wouldn't expect her to put me as the beneficiary of her life insurance. I plan on making the children the beneficiary.

Yes, that is what she is entitled to, which means she gets 20%, but she wants 50%


Not sure how long she wants me to pay her insurance. My guess it the full 36 months. She had worked during the course of our marriage (however her attorney keeps saying in court that she was a SAHM the entire marriage) but the last 4 years she was a SAHM. She is currently working part time for a department store.


I understand completely. It is so draining fighting through this. I feel that once it is final things may settle down. I hate arguing with her, but it seems that is all we can do. She constantly wants to explain her view to me and me to her. I understand hers, but don't think she understands mine. I feel like she expects me to just give her all she is asking for, and since I don't I am the a-hole. If I did that I would be out on the streets for sure. My first post in this thread shows how I would have 32% of my salary to live on and that can't be done. I make a decent wage, but I am not upper class by any means. I am firmly planted in the middle class. I never did make enough money for her.

It's just you're comments mirror what she does to me all the time. She tries to place her anger on me. One day a month or so ago we got into an argument because she was ANGRY that I hadn't been sending her any money. Well, child support was set up and it hadn't kicked in and if I would have sent her money it would have been a gift to her. We exchange the children and I carry a recorder with me. She asked me if it was necessary and I told her it was since she "goes off" on me all the time. She tells me that I am the angry one and that she wasn't mad about the money. Funny thing was she yelling at me and telling me I didn't love the children because I wasn't sending money. She has since gotten all her back child support and it comes right out of my check now.

Boy this is a tough subject. We all keep hearing that women file for divorce more than men and right here you have the reason.

Men do not feel they will get a fair deal and they are right in most cases. I put up with my wifes terrible treatment for years because of this.

I always wondered what the divorce filings would be like if women only had a 50 percent chance at getting the kids? Add on top of that would they take that gamble to not only lose their kids but have to pay their husbands? I did not want to make that gamble until my wife cheated. I got some great evidence though and she does not want to make waves with me.

Can I ask why you are not going for full custody of the kids? Why do you want your kids around a woman that screwed other men while you were married? Can you imagine what she will do when you are not there. Do you want her to bring in other guys in front of your kids?

I am sorry I don't know your story. Good Luck

IHadEnough, IMHO, Blaming women for this or men for that - blaming in general - doesn't help us get through this.


Okay, you know discussing things is unproductive. I had to let go of wanting/needing to be understood by my H. You know you're doing the right thing as far as the settlement. Your lawyer will tell you what the likely legal outcome is so you don't need to convince your W about this.

Well, the reality is, she's not going to get everything she wants... and neither are you. Your previous standard of living is being cut in 1/2 for both of you, with her current income taken into account. I had to let the lawyers and now the accountants (since we own a business) handle it in order to get anything accomplished.

My suggestion would be to only discuss financial issues through your respective lawyers. It sounds like you already have a pretty good understanding of your legal rights so what you feel your wife expects and what she thinks of you at this point really doesn't matter.

Yet another fact to show our children are nothing more than [color:"green"] $$$ [/color] to my STBXW and that all she cares about is her money.

She tells me she has a proposition for me. I am supposed to get the children after Christmas for the last half of their Christmas break. She tells me that she would allow me to have them one day before as long as she could keep them either one day longer at the beginning of when I am supposed to have them or get them back one day sooner. Why? Because in MI if you have them for 6 overnights you can put in for abatement thus lowering her child support (and I am to get them for 6 overnights as my half of their Christmas break so if she can cut that short for one night I can't put in for it). She doesn't want that, she wants her money! She has told me from the begining that I could have them whenever I wanted. I was only asking for noon on the 23rd to about 8-9pm on the 23rd. She said she I could keep them overnight but she wanted the stay with me cut short (so I don't get the 6 overnights).

It's a shame that children are a money making venture for some women. I never would have thought my STBXW was that type of person, but her actions speak volumes!