My ONLY motivation to stay here is my children.
dkjjhkr - Not true. (((((dkjjhkr)))))
That may be the "thread" you think you are clinging to right now through the searing emotional pain, but let's look at two other realities that are also "motivations" or "reasons" why you are staying.
1. You love God and are trying to the best of your ability to be humbly obedient to God, no matter what you are feeling.
2. You love your husband, not the actions he did, but the PERSON who is both your husband and a child of God who has sinned. YOU
meant ALL of your wedding vows, even though you hoped none of the really "negative" things would happen to you or your husband.
He is treating me like a queen once again, but I have so much anger and resentment that I can not forgive and move on. I feel that by forgiving him I am saying that it is OK to hurt me and that I am allowing him the opportunity to hurt me again. I want to overcome this and move on but I can't allow myself to ever feel the pain that I felt at that time.
dkjjhkr - Neither love nor forgiveness are subject to "feelings." They are the result of obedience to God's commands and a CHOICE to love or to forgive. The "feelings" follow AFTER the choice and after putting the actions consistant with the choice are put into action.
We are NOT about to minimize the "feelings" that you express, because they, too, are correct and right. "Righteous Anger" is what I'm talking about. Anger against sin is RIGHT and proper and godly. But the admonition that God gives to believers is a caution about using that anger as an excuse to unleash ungodly actions...."be angry (righteous anger), but in your anger do not also sin."
Love, as is forgiveness, are COMMANDS from God to us....we who are HIS are to love and forgive AS HE HAS LOVED US WHILE WE WERE LOST IN OUR SINS and when we repented HE HAS FORGIVEN us our own "unpayable debt" of sins against Him.
"Seventy times seven times," Jesus corrected Peter's faulty notion of how to be a "good and forgiving follower of Christ."
NO...it's is NOT easy to forgive while reeling from the emotional onslaught. And you CAN forgive TOO easily. Forgiveness REQUIRES confession, repentance, heartfelt sorrow, and commitment to TURN 180 degrees away from the sin, whatever that sin was. In the context of infidelity, it generally means absolutely NO contact, not for ANY reason, with the OP for the rest of the WS's natural life.
It can include place that can no longer be gone to, people who can no longer be associated with, things that can no longer be watched, etc..
Let me be sure that I am perfectly clear on this point; forgiving is NOT giving permission for someone to sin against you and hurt you again.
The "key" is humble obedience to God's commands that you BOTH commit to. No one can be walking in obedience to God and choose adultery. It's only when we choose to "walk our own path" that God "let's us." But the fact remains that NO unrepentant sinner, much less an unrepentant adulterer, will be in heaven. Unrepentance is "prima facia" proof and witness that no matter what they might "say," ACTIONS speak louder than words and their actions would prove that they are NOT saved, despite their words. NO ONE can "serve two Masters."
So, if your husband IS truly repentant to God and to you, and has sought forgiveness from God and from you because of what Jesus Christ has done to pay for ALL of our sins, God HAS forgiven him and now you, as a fellow believer, must also forgive as God forgave you your sins.
But please don't misunderstand. Forgiveness is NOT the same thing as forgetting. The consequences of the infidelity must still be addressed, dealt with, worked THROUGH (not around). The AVERAGE recovery time from infidelity is 2 years, so understand that it IS a process with "forward steps" and "backward steps" until you reach "Recovered."
Keep posting!
God bless.
