Well, It has been a while but so much has happened. Since I posted lasted, I have lost, or feel I hove lost one of my dearest friends. He is my husbands best friend and does not understand but has chosen to go further than not understanding and sayin very hurtful things. I can deal with it but didn't expect it. My husband has threatend sucide among other things expcept of course getting help by continuing to see the IC. I am doing all I know to do to hold it all together but some days are very hard. I have come to florida to visit my son because I could not stay another day. I had to get away. I have been gone for less than 24 hours and my mind is clearer already.

Good to see you again, Julie...

What did you say when ex good friend said things that you felt hurt from?

You rely a lot on your expectations to protect you. Change this belief, Julie...sets you up for pain, anger and resentment.

Holding it together negates growing. What would you do if you weren't holding it together? How are you enjoying your son?

LA

Well, what a day! My son had an accident today. Thank God no one was hurt it was just damage to both cars. His fault. But, it could be so much worse. I am way to concerened with what others think. The friend who hurt me etc. My expectations are often unrealistic.

Well, here I am again. Sometimes it is easier to talk to you guys than those who are so close to this situation. I feel I am losing my mind but still hanging in there. We have started depostions I am finished but he has just started. it has been several weeks and the lawyer has not set the date for the depostion of my husband. he lied about so many things. He even lied about the confession he made about the affair. i am just trying to be patient. He is just nuts. one of the things that is really confusing me is that he says he really wants to come back home. he has done nothing to get help for abuse etc, He has said he just wants things back as they were. I am not even tempted to go back with him at this point I am just so emotionaly drained and want it to be over.

Please don't let him come back. Be real tough about that. I would continue with the divorce. If he decides to make some needed changes, you can always remarry. We have had several people here do that.

Thanks believer. I am really not going to let him come back without changes. I wish the divorce would be final. Aug. 27 is final hearing if we don't settle.

Hang in there, and be tough about settling. Very few divorces get to the court hearing point. Usually the whole thing is decided on the steps of the courthouse, or in the coffee shop.

I have learned so much about him. He is not the person i married. I still don't know for sure who he was or is seeing but I have some really strong suspicions. I really think that the person he was considering leaving the marriage over is someone in our church. Someone he was really close to in college. she has been divorced about two years.

If you get proof of that, then inform your pastor.

Well, I need some advice, AGAIN! My 18 year old son is home from school. This is the first time he has been home since my H has been gone. it has been very hard. He has had a difficult time with it all. Part of the reason is because my husband is saying things that make it difficult for my son to handle. He told my so the other day that he believed that I was bi-polar. I am not bi-polar. And even if I was what is his point. When my son began talking to me about it no matter what I said it was the wrong thing. He ended up very angry with me and shouted curse words threw the phone, etc. I told him that I loved him but that was not going to be allowed in my home. I said you have a choice to not use the language you are using towards me, not throw things etc. or you can move out. He moved out and in with his Dad. This hurt me more than I can say. he knows how much i love him and would do anything for him but I cannot allow him to pick up with the abuse where his dad left off. I was going out of town to visit my dad and while there was able to sit back and take a breather. I know my son knows the truth without me saying a word. He lived in the abuse just as we did. I did realize for some reason though that even though the divorce is not final for about 8 more weeks. it was time for me to be moving on. I have lived away from my family for 24 years. We live about 3 hours away. This is my husbands home town, everything here is somehow related to him. We have been really emotionaly divorced for 2 years. we have been in the process of divorce for 9 months. We have been phyiscally living apart for 6 months. during this time of have spoken of moving away but many of my friends say I should not until a year or so after the divorce. What do you guys think? The move would in some ways be difficult for my girls because this city is all they have known. Moving would put them closer to my family who they are very fond of and it would increase their support base. They have teenage cousins who are close in age and are very familiar with the city. One of my friends who would be our family MD has opened a practice there and they are very close to she and her husband. I don't want to make rash decisions. I don't want to run but I really don't see this move as any of those things. I was just curious as to what some of you may think?

????

I wonder? Am I just too weird for you guys? I seem to get very few responses. Maybe I am too much of a basket case for you guys to try and respond to. Just curious.

Just keep posting to yourself. That is what I used to do. There are lots of people here and the threads move quickly to the next page.

Don't worry about your son. That happens a lot, especially at his age. I bet he will be back soon.

I would not move for at least a year. Make no decisions like that right now. Later, when you are more recovered, you can think about it.

Thanks Believer! I can count on you.

This stuff is very hard on teens. They always think that their mom could have done something different. Even though they know what has been going on, they tend to blame the one they are living with.

I bet things won't be so great at dad's house.

Is your son going back to school?