Try to guesstimate how long people wat for remarrying. I will never see my ex, we have no kids and live on opposite sides of the country, We have little to no communication. I have been on my own two years. (Well I have a BF, but I mean living without him for two years) I have been with my BF over a year - but not thinking about marriage yet. I do want to have kids though - so I would like to know it is somewhere on the horizon.

My D story - loved my husband probably more than he deserved. To say he broke my heart was an understatement. He just didnt want to be married anymore, and that was that.

I'm not re-married or even dating right now.
I do feel though, that when you feel you are healthy enough to be in a marriage again, and feel you know that the person is who you want to spend your life with, I would then say it would be a good time to re-marry.

I feel we all are on our own time-lines. Every one heals differently. My only advice is, make sure your heart is healed before re-marrying.

Best wishes to you!
Karona

Thanks for the kind words Korona!

I guess my strugglr right now is deciding what hesitany is valid - like, I am of the age, and my relationship is at the stage, where i should be considering marriage. I feel like if we have been together this long - I should know for sure.

I know eveyrone has their own timeline, and its not that I mind waiting, I really in not in a rush, but dont want to be wasting my time either. He feels the same - I am worried that maybe there is someone out there for both of us who would makes us instantly say "YES! I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU!! I JUST ***KNOW*** IT!!"

Wow, this sums up my sentiments pretty well too. How do you know when she/he is the one? I guess that's why Harley recommends a lot of dating before a decision is made about marriage... but it's just not my thing. I think the problem is compounded for a second marriage, because of the desire to not make the same mistake again.

I wish you luck in your decision!

ILM~~

As much as I hate to say, because it hurts to hear it, I would say yes. At this point in your relationship, I think you would know it, and you seem hesitant.

They say, when we all meet the person, we will know. Now, maybe it's not instantly always, but in time we will know.

I think I understand what you are saying. I think this is somewhat a feeling that I went thru.
I had been dating a guy for 1 1/2 yrs. He was wonderful in many, many ways, BUT I did have that feeling of, there could someone out there that gave me the feeling of I JUST KNOW THIS IS HIM.
I wasn't sure with him.

I haven't dated him for 6 mos now, and dating is very slow to non-existent. While I still think of this person daily, I still can't honestly 100% say, that if I would have married him that it would have worked.

I'm trying to be true to MYSELF. Really know that what I'm doing is the best for myself, my girls, and whomever this person will be [and possibly his children].

It's hard I do know. Sometimes there doesn't have to be fault with the person for him not to be right for us.

Karona

Yes Glass, that is so true.

I may be single for quite awhile.
I want to figure out all the pieces before I re-marry.
I do not ever wish to divorce again.

Karona

Heres the thing….

This is my second very successful relationship after my marriage. And by successful I mean –

I am with someone I respect
I am with someone who has the same long term goals as I do
I am with someone I genuinely LIKE
I am with someone I admire greatly
I am with someone I have chemistry with
I am with someone I TRUST (not an easy task!!)
I am with someone who will provide a secure financial future
I am with someone who sees eye to eye with me on children
I am with someone who sees eye to eye with my on finances
I am with someone who is so smart I cant believe I ca converse with him, and so funny e makes me laugh at least 20 Xs a day!
I am with someone who’s friends I fit in with
I am with someone who’s family I fit in with
I am with someone who thinks I am beautiful
I am with someone who gives me all the space I need to do things I enjoy, with or without him

And mostly… I am with someone I love…

And yes, all of the above were true in my last relationship also. I actually walked on that one because he really wanted to be married, and I knew I wasn’t ready.

My BF now, although he wants to be married, knows he isn’t ready either. So why walk now? Ugghhh I don’t know! Yeah, it does hurt to hear people say “I just KNEW it, HE was the one!!” Is it true?! Does that really truly happen?! If it does, than maybe I should walk. Its just that I can not imagine, after going through the betrayal experienced in my marriage that I could EVER feel that. Its just a matter of reality – knowing that “THE ONE” isn’t always there… and sometimes there are no happy endings. Jaded or with the wrong guy… I just don’t know. I am hoping Jaded – because he really is fantastic.

The whole concept of knowing for sure that someone is right for you is, I believe, possible and I would imagine that it DOES happen.

However, I think that is very, very, rare.

Most of us have to struggle with not being totally sure.............ever.

Don't worry too much about it.

How could you be wasting your time with someone who's great qualities you listed previously?

Doesn't sound like a waste to me.

My marriage ended in December 1998.

Six months later I had a "healing relationship" that lasted 2.5 years to 2001.

Ten months after that I fell in love with Hubby and we married seventeen months later in December 2003.

So it was five years for me. I was only alone for sixteen months out of that. I'm not good at being alone.


Mrs. W8ing

I know people who never remarried, fearing divorce so much they did not want to repeat it. I know a man who was married within a month of his divorce. It lasted 20 years until he died in the loving arms of his 2nd wife.

Whose divorce (after a very bitter marriage) took four years of court battles over THINGS. In the last year, he met someone he loved, and wanted to be with. He set everything up, arranged for the lawyer to FedEx his final decree to him, and once he had it, was married within 48 hours. He and his wife have been together many years now, and have two beautiful children. Their family is truly blessed and happy.

He knew.

Other people take longer. The only one who knows if you are ready, is YOU.

i have been without my ex for a year and a half now.

and for the last 2-3 years of our marriage i was pretty much alone too, did not have him then either even tho i tried.

i was alone almost a year before considering something serious.

for me, i would say from this point on, after all i have gone through, and experienced, and felt, etc, i would be ready to look at marriage again. doesn't have to be tomorrow but i am at a point where i am open to it again.

that is just me,
mlhb

I've been divorced for almost three years now - and was single and happy for about 1 1/2 years after divorce. I dated a bit, but no relationships.

I've been involved in a serious relationship for almost 1 1/2 years now - and if he were to ask me to marry him tomorrow, I'd say no. Not because I don't adore him, but because I'm not ready for it yet. I'll never say never, but for right now, today, I'm not ready.

Maybe someday.......

As to the "I just KNEW he was the one." I knew my Ex was the one from the second date. I just knew it. Boy, was I wrong. We were incompatible on many levels that would have shown up had I dated him longer or looked more closely. That is to say nothing the key differences in how we viewed relationships, interaction, communication, etc. Ex was a terrible choice for me.

I could marry the man I'm with now, and I have few doubts we'd be happy. But, if it's not him, I'm sure in time, I'd find someone else I could be happy with. There is not just one Mr. or Miss Right out there. I think the key is to find one that is a good match and who is willing to adapt and modifiy behaviors as needed.

On the other hand, I'm not so gun-ho on marriage as I used to be. I think I look upon marriage as a necessary risk. Sort of like driving a car.