sleepless, quick post. will post more later, but send the nc letter to both condo and parents address if it is her registered address. registered post both times.

odds are she is probably not pregnant and it is just another attempt to real him back in, but just in case...

hugs to you sweety. you remind me so much of me at that time.

your gunna be fine!

carolyn

sleepless,

put the phone down. hide the phone in a draw. throw it off a bridge. get rid of the damn thing. Business contacts can be emailed with a new number. business cards can be reissued. KILL THE PHONE!

i know it is hard. beleive me i know, but all you do in phoning her back is feed her need for attention. She is a black hole at the moment, and she is sucking the life out of you. so i say again, KILL THE PHONE!

Your h sounds a lot like mine used to (and even still does sometime). My h had what i call a mini break down. He became an alien. i think we have talked about this before. The spite and bitterness and anger that used to come out of his mouth when he was in his zone. The horrible, thoughtless, selfish things he used to do. then afterwards, when we had some time and distance, he would not remember any of it. The lies he told, the things he did and said. he just would not remember it. i remember that i felt very invalidated in how i felt, my reactions. i really needed him to own his behavior, accept it and apologise to me but he was never able to really. how can you meaningfully apologise for something that you dont remember doing.


it is realyl hard when you are the "responsible" one. the one who holds everything together, sorts everything out. It is easy for others to think that you are ok. After all, you are functioning, getting things done. i know i really resented my h there for a long while becuase that was exactly what i was forced to do. i remember wondering "when is it my turn? when do i get to collapse into the featel position and cry my heart out?".

i remember being so afraid to brouch any controversial affair related subject with h for fear that he would retreat back into his blackness and i would lose him again.

the thing that got me though that was counselling. i really hope you are attending it. it is easy to lose yourself in his pain and his issues and push to the side your issues. i hope you have not fallen into that pattern. Your issues, your pain, count too!

big hugs to you. Get that NC letter in the post and KILL THE PHONE!

Carolyn

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

well i AM going to stoop to her lever, just for a second mind you, and really really hope that she does resist and any damage done is done to her! i hope the condo manager has some big burly helpers to ease her passage out the door. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

now with that out of the way, lol...i am really glad about the phone. you shouldnt have to put up with that BS and i am glad one of his collegues is willing to help you guys out. that is really nice. alot of people bury their heads when it comes to infidelity. i dont know whether they are afraid it is catching or what but it is nice that someone was available to help.

i guess i am not suprised he is having difficulty adjusting to the new you but it sounds to me like the new you is a whole lot better (and maybe happier) person in herself than the old one. you are embarking on a whole new adventure in your marraige here. sometimes i am amazed at how much both h and i have changed over the course of the last three years. we are different people now.

i think i was alot like you. H lead and i followed. We continue to work towards a partnership. Sometimes it is hard but we are making good progress. i know you guys can too with or without an OC in the picture.

i dont think your resentment about him suddenly now having an opinion is particularly bad. i think it is very understandable. geez, you have been the one taking care of business, including him. you have been the one looking after your families interests after he risked them all for a quick shag. that is not overbearing. thats normal. with that being said it is good that he is now taking an interest in things again. whether it is the meds or a psychological recovery lets hope it continues. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

lots of love

Carolyn

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

I prob would have if I were you tried to confirm pregnancy if I had known about it... I know I am really glad I did not know about it till it was over with.

I think that if you have a few friends to drive by and see if its noticable would be much better than hiring a PI that is just wasted money because you still would not know if it is your husbands child or not.

I hope you have a better new year and hope she is NOT pregnant at all your h's child or not.

Hi sleepless,

i am glad you got away for xmas and were able to leave the situation behind, if only for a little while. Good on you too for not picking up that phone. If it helps think of it this way, it is going to burn her even more that she cant get hold of you. I am sure she is aware that the phone is yours. that is why she is calling. This is about twistign the knife now. She lost and she wants to make you pay for it. i am sure the letter did upset her but then, that is not really your problem is it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

i would take the fact that you and h are up and down as a sign of progress. If he is starting to assert himself and voice his opinions that has got to be a sign of his mental bounce back hasnt it?

i think i agree with cordilia on the PI thing. i dont think i would hire someone, i think i would ask a friend to do a few drive by's and see if there was any bumps in evidence. Alternatively, could you ask the condo manager? she must have seen her to serve the eviction notice and to remove her from the condo. If she is 5 months it should be reasonably obvious.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

C.

Some of these OW's are amazing. Absolutely amazing. Follow Carolyn's advice to a T. She has been more than helpful for me. You'll get through this. I too have a difficult time putting the OW on ignore, my ideal situation is to cuss her completely out, but that is not right and I know it. I do believe she will afford me the opportunity though. You'll be fine. I'm thinking of you.

How many BW's here have sent a NC letter that the OW respected and obeyed; never to be harrassed by OW again after the NC letter was sent to her?

CLO - Did you not notice the title of this thread? Could you show some respect and stay off like the poster requested?

****************** What exactly is your purpose here? cause i really cant work it out. are you here just to stir ****** and make yourself feel better?

whats the matter, did babydaddy not want to be part of your delusion? to bad, so sad. take a long hard look lovey.

for your sake i hope bear baiting is working for you. it isnt for anyone else. you are unwelcome in every respect. but you already knew that.

I don't think I wrote anything offensive- I'm a wife now- not an OW and I am interested how successful NC letters are when it comes to ceasing contact once and for all.



FamilyComesFirst,

I'm as close to an OW as you are- since you and I both are FOW. Why are you always picking on me?Please don't respond to me anymore, you're no better than me- we did the same thing. We've both moved on. Leave me alone already, pick on your father's xOW and his OC's okay? She's not me so leave me alone!

Carolyn I don't know who you are, but I am a happily married woman and my OC is now a COM through adoption.

I asked how well NC letters work. Nothing more.

Oh here you go again CLO - - stirring the ******. Why would you give two hoots how well NC letters work if you're a happily married woman with no need to use any NC letter.

I can't remember the whole thread here, but deary (CLO), the NC letter has several purposes. One is documentation that you asked formally for the OW to quit harassing MM and families. You see those harassment things are violations of laws. Then the MM and family have grounds if OW doesn't quit harassing to file a complaint against crazy OW, which in turn, leads to OW being arrested and thrown in the hooskow and/or penalized with things like fines = = you know that thing called money that is so precious to OW after MM leaves them high and dry. Also, documentation can then also lead to the issue of a restraining order to keep the fruitcake away from MM and his family. Get it now CLO?!

Carolyn and Inanutshell - STOP, I'm laughing way to hard. STOP.

Now Carolyn you know better. I'm in enough trouble at the OC Board, I thought you were my person of reason. I'm learning bad things from you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Looks like I'm not alone in my opinion. Please, read the title. She doesnt' want to hear from you. Period, end of story.

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

hey sleepless, sounds like you got it all well in hand. i dont blame you for hiring the PI. If freinds are not an option then you gotta do what you gotta do. she sounds like a class A nutter. dont feel bad about buying into her BS. Really all it shows is that you are a kind hearted person who beleive she was hleping someone in distress. you shouldnt feel bad for that. it is a virtue.

i agree with your psychologist friend though, i think her attmepts to reel him back in are becoming more and more desperate. The whole pregnancy thing does smack of last ditch effort. lets hope though that it was her last line of offense and she will now move on to other victims.

as for the books, i think it is normal. i only have to wave a Dr Phil book vaguely in my h's direction and he immediatalty falls asleep or magically finds something else he desperately has to do. even when we were at the lowest point in our marriage he would have gladly submitted to having his toenails pulled out that read a "self help" book.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
hang in there sweety. sounds like you are doing great!

Lots of love

Carolyn <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I thikn this is an honest question on clos part...I can tell you that my XH sent 2 or 3 NC letters...one time he was still seeing her and sent it!

Point being that clo is trying to make is that it doesn't matter in the OW's mind what the letter says. The OW thinks she has a right to the WH and she isn't going to listen to any letter.

I know from experience...they dont stop!!!

just my .02 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

You know M23B, the NC letter she's referring to I believe is one for the OW to stop C with her, her H and upsetting their family. If done correctly, documented, phone calls logged, etc. (which your XH obviously didn't do) it holds up with the law and she could have charges filed against her for harassment etc. It can also be used to secure a restraining order to keep the fruitcake away from BS and her family. Let's not even consider WH here, maybe he for whatever reason is allowing C. It isn't about WH, it's about peace of mind for BS and her children and possibly extended family depending on how sick the OW is.

CLO was here stirring the ****** as she always has when she posts here.

Unless, people posting here are trying to provide solutions and/or insight (whether liked by all or not - - it's still insight), then they should keep their fingers off of the keyboard.

Just what "insight or solution" was CLO providing. NONE