Thanks so much for the laugh "according to what he told my WXW she is #5 since hes been married but shes the only one that he has LOVED, believe it or not. He says, or used to say, he would leave tomorrow but he has to stay till his daughter is 18 to fulfill his obligations to his family, then he will be able to leave without it affecting her as much, BS if you ask me" roflma - that is oh soooooo typical, like he was being honest for the 1st time ever 'cos she's the one, no.s 1 through 4 heard the same thing, as did his wife when she agreed to marry him & have his babies, what a riot, straight out of the 'How to be an adulteror handbook' standard statement, from users.
Now reality check:
Fact 1:
Sending a letter to such a master of deception would serve zilch for you Atomic, it would cause the two to sit & even possibly belittle you further. It certainly would not [censored] any sympathy - fella's who fk other men's wives don't do sympathy for the guy at home with the kids. DO NOT give him your soul he would not handle it as a good guy would - he is a smooth operator with a very accomplished record, your wasting your emotions, time & energy going after him. The only thing that could hurt him is his career, or loss of his own wife & kids, the loss of your wife is not too much of a worry for him, she is replaceable, there are many ready & willing subjects with in his reach. If you want to hang him to dry, send to HIS WIFE & HIS EMPLOYER - the spin at work could come accross as jealous ex hubby, but for the Dr Wife, watch the fireworks! & his retreat. Reiterate there is absolutely ZERO point in appealing to this man's sense of honour - he's flushed it down the toilet.
Fact 2:
Your ex-wife is now free to be with whomever she wants whenever she wants.
Fact 3:
You are trying to build a relationship with someone who is already involved with a married man. (sure she is your ex). The principles of MB do work to an extent, but you do need to approach it in a manner of trying to win this woman to you. She is free & single to chose as she pleases. Again I say to you be the better man if you can stomach it. Dating is tough when you know the complete history.
Fact 4: As an ex-husband you are NOT in a position to issue ultimatiums on who she may or maynot see. You are in a position to make it clear you will NOT ACCEPT being two-timed. You can then with clear heart & head dis-engage yourself (plan B) if your NOT respected enough to be treated as her ONLY boyfriend.
Fact 5:
Your ex is turning to you more & more, so you are doing something right. I would like to remind you at this point YOU DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED! Being loving & caring does NOT mean being taken for granted or condoning being treated like dirt. You are more than that way more, you are the good guy.
Fact 6:
Everything seems amicable - Beacause of YOU! How you handle yourself - that is very admireable in many levels. <taking you aside for a mo.> Friends don't do stuff to hurt each other, when they know they've hurt ya, they stop & apologise & then go outta their way to make it all right & better.
Fact 7:
Oh Gawd - hate throwing this one into your thoughts - here goes. After a YEAR!!!! She gives you some!!! Hello??? WHY??? <another sick aside - protection dude - STDs no-one is above that> Is she preggers??? Sorry for throwing suspicious? out there - something to think more about.... was she simply frustrated since the good Dr is letting her go.... hope you've stopped throwing up now. Or maybe it was a night of declaring how much you Love each other & want to re-unite - I sure hope so
Other thoughts:
The Kids, the kids, the kids, seems they are almost like some sort of threat that you may or maynot get to be around them. - GET THAT SORTED PRONTO! You do not have to inform your ex, simply make a few calls to find out your real rights as a father. What you have written above re her character issues would certainly give you ample for custody should that arise, what I am & many others have said SORT OUT YOUR OWN PARENTAL RIGHTS URGENTLY! remove that threat & do this for YOUR info only, then act on it as PROTECTION FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE WELFARE.
You are the good guy in all this, just been taking for a ride & that is very confusing.
Remain strong to your core values Atomic.
You will get through this.
