I have been really struggling with a consistent pursuit of God. I often feel empty when I pray ... so it's hard to get motivated to come back. But I really do believe in Him. I believe that I struggle because of my lack of relationship with my earthly father. He was and is very difficult, probably not saved. He was never affectionate to me and rarely has nice things to say either. He provided for us and didn't leave my Mom ( a good thing). But he wasn't someone to talk to or lean on. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. He even hit me in the face once. I've been in and out of abusive relationships although I'm married to a gentle person now. I lack being intimate with my husband because of all of this too. I don't know how to be normal. I don't think God wants me feeling empty. But what do I do. I've tried a lot of things. [color:"red"] [/color]

I'm sorry to hear about your painful family history. It must be hard to deal with, but you can't let this come between you and God. Always remember that your relationship with God is the most important in your life and the one that will outlast all others.

James 3:2 says "We all stumble in many ways." Keep in mind that every human you have a relationship with, be it your father or your husband or anyone else, is a fallen, broken, sinful being and is going to disappoint you again and again. God is only one you can expect to take care of you 100%, fulfill all your needs and never abandon you. If you ask that kind of love of a human, they will definitely fall short. Remind yourself that your relationship with God comes first. When you work on that relationship you will feel more fulfilled and that takes the pressure off of your husband who can never fulfill you completely.

Give thanks for your husband who is not abusive. Focus on the good things, as they say "count your blessings" and don't dwell on negative things that happened to you in the past. God can help you forgive those who hurt you and then move on, towards Him and your husband.

I will pray for you to get closer to God and to find greater openness in your marriage.

Dear busybee, this is not an unsolveable problem! In fact, it is common and has a very straightforward solution. We cannot truly love (in the sense of deep, intimate love) what we don't know and understand well.

To love God in this way, you need to get to know Him very well. Reading the Bible helps, but there are many other resources, too. I love a book called "Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul," which helps us women to learn how we are seen by God and to understand why He is so in love with US! The companion book, "Wild at Heart," gives amazing insight into what God meant for men to be. It gives us a new view of men that can really help us to learn to love them more intimately.

Another fantastic resource is a book called "Marriage Fitness: 4 steps to building & maintaining phenomenal love." It specifically addresses the issue of becoming more intimate with your spouse, and gives clear, easy to follow instructions for how to go about it. Mort Fertel is a Christian, and his advice is in line with Biblical principles, too, as are the books by the Eldredges mentioned above.

When your heart and soul learn to open up to God and your husband, you will feel so renewed and at peace. I wish you this feeling, and I will keep you in my prayers.

The books again are:
"Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul" (John & Stasi Eldredge)
"Wild at Heart" (John Eldredge)
"Marriage Fitness: 4 steps to building & maintaining phenomenal love" (Mort Fertel)