I need some help... I think I'm worried possibly for no reason... I guess I'm just looking for other inputs on this. My boyfriend of a year and a half had been living together for the past 6 months, a couple days ago he decided it didn't feel right before marriage. He said nothing at all has changed about how he feels about me, but that it just doesn't feel right. I'm taking it very personally and now it hurts everytime I see him, anytime I hear him talking to his roommate while we're on the phone, everytime I get home from work and he's not there, whenever I go to sleep and he's not there... I just don't know how to be okay with it. I'm worried that this is going to delay the marriage because his lease is up in June and he'll probably have to renew it now... we were planning on getting married the end of 2006, but now he'll be in a lease. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

chana.....people change, their morals don't....it may be that this is coming into play with your boyfriend after 6 mos....just as well as it could be something else. Perhaps this is a time to discuss honesty with him and ask him to help you understand why he has changed. If it is because of morals then respect that; but at the same time it would be wise to discuss any other issues that may be affecting the relationship. Sometimes people make decisions and realize that they made the wrong choice.....if this is the case then this should be brought to the forefront also. Being open and honest is critical to any long-term relationship....marriage or not.

There are probably several factors coming into play. I personally wouldn't worry about the lease though.

One thing you have to realize is that you guys moving into separate places no doubt felt like a "step backwards". Morally, it may have been a step forward but relationship-wise, you guys became physically farther away. So it's natural that this causes some emptiness in you which may also be contributing to some insecurity.

The lease... I don't think that should affect your marriage date at all. Marriage should be very high on his priorities if he is serious about you. There are ways to draw up leases so they are not a full year. Or he can advertise in a local paper for a room-mate to come in and take his place. Or he can ask his room-mate to move out and you move in once you are married. There's 50 ways to slice the pie. If he doggedly puts off the wedding due to the lease, there are probably deeper issues and he's just using the lease as an excuse.

So while I can't answer the question of why he wanted you guys to not live together anymore, at least you know your feelings are normal and that the lease or similar circumstances shouldn't be an excuse not to get married on schedule. If so, there are probably deeper issues in his mind.

"a couple days ago he decided it didn't feel right before marriage"

You 2 didn't discuss it at length? I agree with him that is better to not live together but if you already are then I think it should be mutual agreement so you can have peace with it and not have it be cause for suspicious thoughts. Perhaps you did discuss it. If you did then you're just having trouble accepting it? If you didn't then I could see how that would make you feel kinda 'dumped' and that would hurt. Now is a good time maybe for you to reflect on this relationship and see if what you have together can withstand separation like this. It's not God's will to cohabitate without the vows. Maybe that's why he left? If so then he's a good man? Just my thoughts. Bless you, Jubilee