I just felt that I need to post today. I am feeling really down and I can't seem to pick myslef up. My divorce will be final on Tuesday (Jan. 3). I thought I would be happy but I am feeling really depressed about it. I want it over but there is a part of me that feels so lost. I'm feelin extremely lonely and nothing seems to help. I hang out with friends all the time and it just doesn't seem to be changing anything. My New Year's Eve wasn't that great either. I found myself standing a room fool of my married friends hugging and kissing their spouses. I just stared at the t.v. wathing the ball drop and thinking how I don't even care that it's another year. It all just seems so final to me. I don't know what to do and don't know who to turn to anymore. If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I need my spirits lifted terribly!!!!

Good to hear from you again. I'm so sorry you are feeling down. It is hard to be alone. It seems like everyone else has someone. When I first started going places alone, all I saw was couples in love holding hands. It can get depressing.

But you have a new start with the New Year. You WILL be happy again one day. It took me around 2 years to feel great again.

Even though it doesn't feel good, it is good to be on your own for a period of time. You need to be able to stand alone. Later, you will be ready for another relationship.

Hey Trish,

Happy New Year. I know just how you feel ... and I'm not thrilled about it. <wink> But how about a joke then to help you turn that frown upside down.

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"
First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."

Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:

"Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK...then I DEFINITELY ****** my pants..."

((((((tree)))))))) Today, I think many of us feel like you do. However, it is the new year and a time for new beginnings. My mom always refers to this part of the year as a "let down" time. The last month has been a frenzy with Christmas. We've had friends, family, good food, fun and time off from work. It's unfortunate your D becomes final during this low period.

In my heart of hearts, I am an optimist. Things have got to go up from here. I don't know what's going to happen with my WH. You, at least know that your marriage is over. You can move on because there is always higher ground after the valley. I can only hope that 2006 brings us some peace and certainity.

I didn't get much of a midnight kiss either. I feel good though. Maybe next year, there will be new kissers in our lives. Maybe we just read too much meaning into the whole thing.

Feel good about yourself. You've come a long ways with style.

Thank you believer, Tom Joad and grapegirl!!!

I know this is a new year and a new beginning for me. I think it's just been rough with the holidays. I feel such emptiness in my heart so bad that it aches. Almost feels like it did when my Ex left me almost 2 years ago. I will be so glad when I'm in a better place in my life. I want so badly to be happy and not feel so lonely!!!
Thanks for the joke Tom!!! :-)
Sometimes I feel like this will never end!!!

{{{TR}}}},

I too am sorry you are feeling down.Please remember it is a normal emotion to an impending D finale.I have read over and over that even though it is a necessary time for whatever reason,you will feel poorly.It's a time where you want to pamper yourself and not have any major plans so you can rest.It's another emotional upheaval.

If I may say,allow yourself to *grieve.You need to in order to move on and for you to be healthy afterward.Don't try to wish it away or ignore it,etc.Let the feelings and the time come and let it go as it will.This too shall pass.

Maybe take a long hot bubble bath,sip some hot tea or hot chocolate,read a good book or watch an inspiring movie,snuggle up on the couch and take it easy ok? Try to think of all your blessings.And this is an example to me of how important we are:

I am reading a book where a woman in her 40's was murdered and she had a toddler.The woman was killed in her own home and no one knew about it for almost 2 days.The little girl sat by her dead mother for all that time,until the police found her.The murderer was never found and it's a tragic story but,to me,it's such a big reminder of how important it is I be here for my girls and be here to take care of them even though my STBXWH is off with homewrecker this weekend and he barely had but a few minutes to say Happy New Years to our children.I am not going to take for granted any moment I have with my girls because I feel so blessed to be with them and doing what is right.

Your son needs you and loves you and you are his support,his safety,his happiness.He is yours too.You have eachother.Hug him and feel how special he is.That always makes me feel better when I am sad.Just knowing he is alive and safe should bring you some good feelings.Whatever else is left over deal with in the right way,take care of yourself.It's normal to feel down at the loss of your marriage even if WH was an A**.You will be OK no matter what!

{{Take care today}} <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

O

Thank you Octoboergirl....You are so right. I am blessed that I have my son and he does need me to be strong.
I have a hard time allowing myself to grieve. I always try to push it off. I think I will take your advice and read a good book and curl up next to my son. I am so thankful that I have him. I just wish I could stop crying. I'm so tired of feeling lonely and sad!!!!!

{{TR}},

I'm sorry.I can feel your sadness.But crying is good.I know that may sound cliche but it isn't.We have these emotions to help us heal . You have been through SO much.Take heart.God is there for you.Have you spoken to Him lately? I do that,especially when I think,"Ok,I really have had enough challenges now God!" Then I am reminded of what I do have and that I do have it better than so many.It helps me anyway to remember that I could be so much worse off.I try to think this way since it helps me get out of my negativity.It may not work for everyone but it works for me,mostly.

Don't wish to stop crying but rather,for healing.Try to think of it that way.Crying is helping you to heal and be healthy.We can't be stoic all the time.Who would want to be? We women, I think, are blessed to be able to tap into our emotions so well.Being fulfilled has a lot to do,for me,of being close to God.Maybe that is what is missing for some.My fulfillment isn;t dependent upon anyone but myself and God.So,I don't have to rely on anyone.Whatever good feelings and positive experiences I have with other's is like icing on the cake but it's not my base,my foundation.

Well,I'm babbling along and I think maybe it's just soothing to be in the stillness.Do whatever you can to take it easy today.Be in the moment.We here are thinking of you,you are not alone.There's a difference between being lonely and alone.Maybe one day you can write about that and what can help you to not feel lonely inside.

I watched the movie,"It's Wonderful Life" with Jimmy Stewart (every Christmas eve) and it never fails to give me such hearfelt feelings of joy about life,other's and family.I hope you have a good book to read.Remember,This too shall pass....This too shall pass....

O

For Christmas, I was given the newest book of Jan Karon's Mitford series. I just finished it this morning. I find her writing funny and inspirational. I laugh, I cry, I think. When you read the books, you feel very close to the characters. Sure they're fictional but the problems they face are universal. What's unusual is the feeling one gets of God's grace through the books. It's a good thing I'm typing now because I would choke up if I had to speak of it.

One of my NY's resolutions, besides the 20 pound thing, is to start, TODAY, and beginning rereading the series from the very beginning. When I first read the books, some 10 years ago, I never thought I'd be where I am today, physically, emotionally, matrimonially. I find them very centering. Every time I read them, I get some thing new from them. They will be the medicine I need today. Perhaps, they'd help you.

Keep posting today, tree. Many of us are in the same boat.

Tree

Lets just look at the facts:

Good things

You are smart
You are stronger than anyone ever believed
You are a great Mom
You have a great kid
You're young and beautiful

Now the bad things :

Your WH is an ****** of the lowest class
The good bits of your WH and the bits he once contributed to your life are gone from this universe forever, orbiting the planet Fog in the mothership

OK so that was the bad.

But gues what - the bad parts are not going to be in your life any more !

So the one thing polluting your life is your WH and he is cut loose to drift from jan 3rd.

Tree, its like removing a life cancer, darl'. Be scared at how close it came to killing you, but celebrate that the operation plan A/plan D GOT IT ALL !

All blessings. You and C are in my prayers.

Happy new Year !

Bob

I agree with Bob and have been laughing at Tom's sense of humor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I can understand how it w/b hard if you put yourself in such a setting t/b among couples doing couples things..... learning to change that environment and spend those kinds of times with a twist and turn them into fun times with your son, celebrate life with him instead could turn your life around and who knows who you will meet?!?!?!?

U and your son are beautiful people. What you both have to give and receive to yourselves and others is valuable.

Look forward to seeing a door of opportunity to move forward with the grace and dignity that you have within you.

The loss will not be to you and your son but to the WS. The one who has disconnected himself from the best thing in his life..... this w/b a decision he will regret but the D from you against the WS should not be a regrettable thing. It is a necessity.

take care,
L.

Gosh, I just went walking on the beach, down to the pier. Yep, all the lovers were there, kissing and walking hand in hand.

But I enjoyed watching the waves, a pelican sitting on the rail, and seeing the surfers. It's lonely, but won't last forever.

bob needs to have his own thread...we could call it bob says <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />.....he could make daily quotes regarding anything.
Oh tree I do love you. you can always come visit me *hugs* I'm here with ya sista <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...get on AIM sometime....right now it's stormy hear...the wind is soo bad It's like a hurricane outside...I am trying not to imagine the roof flying off the house. In times like these i need a good book to curl up with. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Happy New Year. You are wiping the slate clean now and I'm sure, after a suitable period of grieving, you will move slowly onward and upward. Good luck to you Tree.

I could have gone to a 'couples' party on NYE but chose to stay home. I've had a terrible cough so it was an easy decision. It's really no fun when you feel the odd one out. But I have a few thoughts that comfort me in situations like that. My WH is a very unsociable creature. I remember the night of the Millenium. By 11 pm, he was fast asleep on the settee - no kiss, no nothing. He didn't make an effort with me for years and I was lonely in my marriage. And the other thing is that many of those 'happy' couples who were at the party with you on NYE are probably far from happy really. Ok, they may have been together but don't you remember times when you and your STBX were together but inside you felt sad and empty by the way he was with you?

You have come so far. It's time to hold your head up and take life by the balls. Your son has a mum to be proud of.

TT - You are absolutely right about being lonely in a marriage. And I think that is even a worse loneliness. My WH was like yours - never participated in anything too much. Maybe that is why it is so easy for me to be alone. I've actually been alone for years.

Believer, I am convinced it is why I have found separation so easy. I did everything alone over the past few years. He was not my friend, husband or lover. Yes, there was a time when he was my everything but it's such a bloody long time ago it's blurry.

My WH has suffered with untreated depression for years. We never addressed it and we are all suffering the consequences. You can take a horse to the water ...

{{{{{Tree}}}}} I'm glad I stopped by GQll today and saw your post. I'm not sure what to say here Tree. This adultery GIG for the BS is a rough road. My H did dump his bi*** and basically has been working this recovery road with me. We had a quiet, but nice New Year's together. Yet I woke up today triggered to 2 yrs. ago when he was in his A, treating me like crappolla, went to his sister's for New year's dinner with our boys(I was alone because I refused to be with family until he would talk to me about us), and spent the day alone convinced that I would be a single lady soon. I went to the movies alone that night, saw "As Good As it Gets" and thought I'd be doing things alone a lot soon.

So what's my point? In a day I went from being happy my family is together to wondering if the road you are on is the easier road. It all sucks honey! Hopefully in about 2 yrs. you will be having a great time while your H is forever lost in space. Maybe you will be dating a man who truly deserves the great, strong lady you are. And hopefully in 2 yrs. when you post about your fantastic new life I won't be envious, but happy I stuck it out with this H of mine.

I'll tell you the one thing I will miss Tree. No WS I have ever come across on MB has ever written e-mails like your H. Reading and commenting on his fogbabble would cause me to LOL. That man's head is so far up his [email]a@@[/email] not even a great surgeon like Lemmonman could remove it. It's hard to release a 15 yr. M, but the H you knew lost his soul. You still have your's, and thank God for your little boy. Sending you a great big hug! Remember, here on MB you're not alone. Wishing you the best 2006! CV

I know your heart is pounding this morning Trish. Chin up, and show off that smile.