WH returned from Puerto Rico and is acting like nothing has changed, no thats not true...he is actually talking to me. I kind of thought this is how he would act. On the surface everything looks fine, but he still won't discuss issues or go out with me alone, or show affection (other than SF). He took our DD w/him to play w/cousins while he helps his brother. I'm still filling out paperwork.

C42,

U r finally standing up for yourself and your family. You know u all are worth more than 1/2 an H/father and the other half stuck in being a conflict avoiding WS or even Xws.

Good.

Don't lose that momentum. He needs to come groveling to you. Not making demands but NOT avoiding the real issues either.

U R an invaluable member of your family whereas a WS is worthless. Now your H is valuable but until he returns, the WS is not a good alternative. Don't settle for some decent crumbs.

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid, Your reassurance helps more than you know. I read the stories on here that are so tragic, sometimes I feel stupid posting. But I also know there are others in my same position....stuck in limbo. I'm not stuck anymore...the support is invaluable. U R right, I'm not willing to settle for crumbs anymore.

Stand still while I slap u with an MB noodle. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now listen carefully.... u r NOT stupid. Just 'confused' due to dealing with an alien idiot. Ok? That w/b how most of us would react....as you can vividly see here.

Now keep moving forward and let us know when he serves you a 7 course gourmet meal. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Thanks I needed that!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I've been filling out paperwork for the lawyer today. I HATE THIS! I teared up a couple times when it asked who the children were living with. I left it blank for now but wanted to write.... in the same home with BOTH of their parents!!!!

I talked to WH tonight to confirm he and DD were staying at his brother's tonight. He was friendly and joking on the phone. At the end of the conversation I asked where his pay stub was (he has been hiding them lately). He got angry and asked why I needed it. I told him I needed it for the lawyer. (he knnew I was filling out paperwork today) He got snippy "I don't know why you need that...nothing has changed its still the same amount."

OT...I had a great dream the other night. I was dancing with a man (I couldn't see his face) and I looked great! Cute black dress and sandles, short hair cut. We were dancing to "Unforgetable" by Nat King Cole. At the end of the song my partner dipped me and...WOW! What a kiss! I love to dance...in 20 years together WH has never taken me out dancing. We have danced at a wedding or other formal occassion....1 slow dance/event because I literally had to drag him to the dance floor. You'd never guess we met at a dance club back in the '80's.
Maybe I'll join a dance class.

Interesting how a simple dream and change your POV? I recall that one of those kinds of dreams helped me realize I wasn't a stick in the mud (as the OW wanted to believe). Instead I had and have a lot of offer which made me a lot more attractive than any OW. Why? Because OWs waste their time trying to make a memory...... stupid OWs..... memories can be forced.....not the ones you want t/b memorable. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I figured out, the longer I allowed myself to be used to enable the A (irriating me was enabling the A), the longer it would take for me to feel good about myself and move forward. Lo' & behold, that dream (I wasn't dancing, I went rollerblading with George Clooney, he took me home and cooked me a nice romantic dinner) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> , anyways.....it showed I was still attractive enough to be loved again. While I probably would never be George's 1st choice, I knew someone out there would appreciate all my plan A efforts and improvements......if my H never came back, I w/b ok.

Plan B came easier to implement after that.

Hope this helps.

take care,
L.

C42, I sense some renewed strength from your posts lately and this will be noticed by your WH even though you think he doesn't.

As for the dreams, well as Orchid says they really help improve your self confidence. It's funny C42 you and I are in a similar situation and I had a dream about my co-worker friend that I am fond of and when I woke up this morning I felt great. Orchid is right, these types of dreams give you stregth and I believe it is your subconscious telling you that you are ready to move forward.

Previously my dreams would be about WW and OM or me attacking OM now they are about me and OW! This is what you are experiencing too so it's a good sign that you have changed your outlook and are not as concerned with OW as much.

Keep moving forward and you will be fine.

Hi HTW,
I was just peeking at your thread and will post there in a minute. I've had a couple dreams like the last that really gave me a sense of a renewed spirit, comfort and hope. Kind of like things will be really OK. I chose to see them as gifts from my angels. It was kind of weird the day after that dream I checked my daily horoscope and it said "the message in your dreams will bring you strength."

Confused,

You are sounding so strong and sure of what you are doing.

I guess there comes a point when we know we have had enough and realize what we have been doing isn't working and its time to move to something new.

I'm sorry its come to this for you but its a descion only you can make. I know one thing for sure you will be just fine.

Talking about dreams, I used to have them everynight about WH , I was always chasing him and he would just run. After starting planb though and not having to deal with him on a daily basis they stopped. I did have a few were I cofronted OW and made her cower in fear, I really liked those ones. lol

But here lately I started dreaming of WH again. No OW involved just him and I. They are wonderful dreams of us back together and life good. I sometimes wonder if its just me wanting it so much or is someone or something trying to tell me something. Telling me to hang on, I wish I knew.

All I can do now is move ahead and see what happens. Just like you I have made some descions for my life. We will be just fine Confused I am sure of this.

I admire your strength and courage in doing what you are. I know its not what you wanted but its something you feel you must do to make life good for you. Your in my prayers...


Hurting

Hi C42,

It sounds like...even though it will be difficult for you to do...that you are ready for the 'next step'....

We're here for you.....and know that you have tried your best to 'turn this around'.....it looks like you have reached the point of wanting to move 'forward' with or without your S.....

....we all know it's NOT what you wanted....and I am sorry for that...

...I guess one reaches a point that to 'stay' in a situation is just as painful as to leave it....or worse....

...it looks like you have reached that point....

Keep counting on us to be there for you.....because as you know....you will be having 'moments'....where sharing will be of some help....

Take care.

thanks Luna

The most tragic event is the loss of a family. There's nothing stupid about your circumstances. I skimmed through your seven pages.

My divorce should be complete in the next two weeks. Took almost a year. It's amazing how WS aren't in a hurry.

Expect your WH's moods to change a little bit. His behavior to change. My WS says she's better now. She doesn't have headaches anymore. She's "happy" now. At my son's Cubscout event yesterday, she didn't LOOK very happy, which the other mothers confirmed.

It's time for you to take care of yourself and your children. You've tried very hard on this. That will give you peace of mind as you move forward. Now that you've filed for D. It's WH's turn to try or MOVE ON! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Keep posting!

Sleepless

WH continues to act like everything is just "fine". But I guess thats par for the course according to the Mid-Life Crisis Script. He' will be returnign to Puerto Rico next Monday. Wednesday night I'm going to the movies with a girlfriend, Thursday I get my hair done Friday is DD 11th birthday, Saturday birthday sleepover so I'll keep myself busy this week. My D-day anniversary past this weekend...I didn't even realize it at the time. I guess thats progress.

Hi C42,

quote:----------------------------------------------------
My D-day anniversary past this weekend...I didn't even realize it at the time. I guess thats progress.
----------------------------------------------------------

Yeap....I agree with you!

I've been getting a lot of support in RL for D. A lot of my friends didn't understand why I didn't do it sooner. My family is behind me and my SIL is as well, Ihaven't told too many people, since we haven't talked to the kids yet. DD birthday is Friday and then he leaves for Puerto Rico again Monday so I suppose it will wait til he gets back. I am going to complete and submit paperwork to my lawyer while he is gone.

Not looking forward to " MOMMY wants a divorce." I will be honest with my kids. I think they have seen the dynamics between us and can tell who has been trying and who has not. WH is still a hero in my DD eyes...she is daddy's little girl, her heart will be broken. But I will not have her growing up thinking that this is what SHE should expect from a husband.