I (BS) have been fence sitting for too long. Divorce is right around the corner. Hopefully some of you may be familiar with my sitch. D-Day 8-13-05 and I gave WW the boot. We decided to go to JC and we have 3 times. I was asked to make a list of questions about affair by counsoler which I then gave to WW on 12-2-05. We have been to counsoler 2 times since with no answers yet. The last time the counsoler told us to sit down and talk about where we want marriage to go from here. Well I'm not healed from the affair nor have I been given the chance to with no response from WW. I am venting some I know. It's been 6 weeks and she has not answered any questions. What the H*** am I supposed to think? My pride getting in the way? Maybe

I'm a novice on this site and can't offer any real advice. I've seen some great advice from others though and am sure you'll get responses soon.
I certainly feel your pain and anguish.
Do you want the marriage to work? Do you have other counseling sessions set up? Do you talk to your WW or have any contact?
I know about the pride thing. I never told anyone what happened. I was too embarrassed to admit that I couldn't keep WH happy enough not to stray. I healed by myself w/not much help from WH.
Hang in there. Help is coming. I wish you well. I'll keep you in my prayers. God's timing isn't our timing but He's always right on time.

You are supposed to think that she is just like the average WS - she doesn't want to answer questions about the affair.

Is there NC between her and the OM?

Hi Jasper. I vaguely remember your situation. Is your wife still in the affair? Are you still living apart?

I think you're quite right about fencesitting. It's barely been 6 months. There is no way a BS can be "over" or healed in that amount of time, especially when the WS isn't making an effort. Is there a reason you think your pride is getting in the way? Do you not feel like reconciling? Do you feel your manhood has been taken away? Just asking.

Personally, I doubt you will get any answers from your wife for a long, long time. Until she has NC and has come out of the fog, there will always be a reason why she can't. My WH and I went to MC 3-4 times. At one of the session, the counselor thought it would be a great idea for us to start a notebook with our thoughts, feelings and questions that we passed back and forth. At our session, WH was all for it. After I had written my bit and passed it on...well, it never came back. He said that he couldn't deal with my anger and emotions. The dude had come home from a trip in a flaming affair, moved out days before Christmas without a word or explanation and basically checkout of the family. Perhaps he couldn't deal with my anger and emotions but more likely he couldn't face up to what he had/has done.

Try for a better counselor, try the Harley's. You may never get any answers.

Thanks to those who responded. WW tells me their is no contact. BUT how do I trust any and all that comes out of her mouth? Yes, we're seperated. She's 2.5 months into a year lease. Pride is a stange thing thrown into the mix here. My thought" How do I let her back into my life after the pain that was caused by HER decision"? She obviousley m wanted this. Pride seems to say "Let her go...sink or swim...Let her go". We all put up with s*** everyday at work etc. thats a part of life. Pride says don't put up with this s***! We also all make decisions everyday and from every decision there is a consequence (good and/or bad). She made her decision and pride says make her live with the consequences. 4 months ago I would have welcomed her home with open arms and worked at this marraige. Now only my resentment for what she did to me and our lives grows. This only grows each day that goes by with her not answering my questions. Another thing I wonder about is she waiting to see what OP is going to do and how long? This is all SO HARD !!!!

you are correct you are fence sitting...

you need to decide if the bigger picture is recreating a marriage in which you two become equal partners...

or you need to decide if you want revenge and her to hurt as you hurt....

can't do both at the same time...
can't force someone to feel bad.

but you can show them love and hope and the ability change...

have you read and understood about plan a...
and is there a reason why you are choosing not to do it..
which you are certainly welcome to choose....

just not sure how you expect her to open up to you when you are so resentful....

might want to consider changing your approach..since what is going on isn't working...

ARK