She is extremely controlling...and has been very unfair and even cruel to him for years. She,herself had an affair on him first for years..and one of thier children is suspected to be this other mans. They were divorcing when she found out about me and suddenely stopped the divorce and is punishing him in every way she can.He feels so sad and guilty and depressed and even suicidal...I would leave if i honestly felt he were safe and would be okay there. I really would!

Hi, Ashley.

What is it that we can do for you here?

Are you here because you realize that what you are doing is wrong and you want help, or is it another reason?

All the best,
Gimble

And yet, he CHOOSES to stay??????

Ashley,

Do you seriously think we will condone your AFFAIR????

Like I said in your other thread, no matter the circumstances, it is still an AFFAIR. It is because you are sleeping with a married man. That is it. To call it an affair that it all the information we need. You are sleeping with a married man.

Now, you think that it can be justified because she cheated first, and they were about to get a divorce, etc. ect. ect....

It is an AFFAIR.

You really have only 1/2 the info. You have no Idea what his wife is thinking. Don't pretend that you do. You really don't even know what she is saying, because he may be telling it to you in a way that you want to hear. If you really love him so much, get out of the way. Let him make a decision on his own. He needs to be strong enough to make that decision.

Daisy

You don't understand...whatever reason they were married under and whatever reason they are still married, they are still MARRIED. If his marriage is that awful, why hasn't he filed for a D? You don't get it - this man has his cake and is eating it. Why should he change? He's got two women who want to be with him. Again...people have asked and you haven't answered this...why would you want to be with a man that can't make a commitment to either his wife or you? I know for a fact that the pattern will continue until he seeks professional help. You will NOT be the last.

Daisy, he is wimpy and scared. That probably means he can't make his own deicions either. I suppose that is why she is taking it upon herself to make them for him.

Im here because everyone who uses this sight is so against people in my position...sometimes there is a good reason for it..and i have learned a valuable lesson...and that is not to judge too hastily or really at all...I never thought i would be where i am. I used to be the one pointing fingers and telling other people how wrong they were. We all make mistakes...and continue to do so.

THERE IS NEVER A GOOD REASON FOR AN AFFAIR!!!!!!!!!

Yes, we all make mistakes. There is only one that lived a perfect life and He stated in the scriptures that adultry is a sin. There is no way to justify an affair.

If, this person was so unhappy, he should have gotten a divorce and then the two of you could have a relationship.

Two wrongs never make a right. If she did cheat on him, this might be what is called a revenge affair. He is using you to get back at her. No matter, he is using you.

So, you are here to stir things up.

If you are interested in the truth of your situation, then please read what some genuine posters have said to you.

If you want to continue in your self-deception, then so be it.

Do you want help or not?

Gimble

You are justifying. Both of you are saying whatever needs to be said to make yourselves feel better about the h*ll you are putting his wife and all the kids through.

Seriously...what are you looking for from us? Are you expecting us to say, "Ooooohhh...NOW it makes sense!"

Again, no matter what the justification, it is an affair. Nothing more and nothing less.

`Um...yes! that sounds good...People actually understanding my point of view.

I guarantee you, he is NOT a prisoner in his marriage! He just wants you to think so. I'm sure it's pretty convincing.

The fact is, no matter how you slice it, HE'S STILL THERE, and VERY married!

And you say he's suicidal. Is THAT the reason you want to be with him? The fact that he has become "suicidal" and STILL stayed, speaks volumes!! As far as his guilt and depression, it's called SHAME!! There is a reason he's feeling this way.

If his wife cheated "first", that was his chance to divorce, yet, he didn't? Why? And why is he cheating, HMMM...maybe to get back at her? To make some point? Think about this. Seriously.

I know you are a real person, with real feelings, and that you some how by accident, got absorbed in this mess. But you might have some bigger things to explain to your children, someday, other than why isn't Daddy here with us. And this isn't the wife's fault. For the sake of your children, put some true thought on this! And, also, do this for yourself. This can't be good for you, either! Do you want to live like this, forever?

Please take care of what's rightfully yours, and nothing else.

Jennifer68

I DO understand your point of view. I am a FWW and I have used all the same lines & justifications you two are using. That is why I am still here talking to you in the middle of the night about it. A cheater is a liar. I know because I was one. I also learned that when I was a cheater I lied to my parents, children, employer and anyone else who cares and loves me. To this day I live with regret and remose for those I hurt. Not just my spouse but my KID, too! What kind of example was I setting for him? I was teaching him how to lie, cheat, manipulate and be a person with no integrity. That's something for a mom to be proud of.

You have many people here who understand you...that's why so many people are still responding to you and giving you great advice. We have all been in your shoes - in some way or other.

He is TRYING to divorce this person..it is in progress...BUT she keeps on TRYING anyways. And the only reason he did'nt leave her after her affair is because of the kids. He was planning his suicide BEFORE we started relations...I have proof of that.

I think you will find better support on a site called gloryb.com. They have been in your situation, and even THEY will tell you the real deal!

Good Luck!

so why are you here?

If he was getting a divorce, why couldn't you wait until the divorce was final to renew the relationship?

why indulge in an affair?

you know several people have asked you questions, but you just keep justifying your actions.

Let me guess...your proof is because he told you so. Just like he told you he never loved his wife. Just like he's told you that if you could just be together, everything will be perfect. Just like he's told you that his W if a manipulative, controlling woman who just doesn't understand his needs like you do.

HE'S LYING TO YOU JUST LIKE HE'S LYING TO HIS WIFE AND KIDS.

You have a real man of integrity on your hands. No wonder you want to fight for him.

hey Flukette, want to meet and chat over some barbque?

Sounds good!

My proof is only every one of his family members and friends!!!!!!!!!