I found out he had a one night stand when he had a lay over in Atlanta on his way back to Iraq.He was back here for Christmas and we have been trying to get pregnant. He sleep with her after he got drunk at a club. I have only known for a week and he couldn't even tell me i found out through an email from her in which it decribed everything. I feel like a fool. I haven't eaten or slept more than a hour a night since. I can't get the image of them out of my head. He told this women i was his exwife I don't know what hurt more. I love him but how do i begin to forgive this. He contacted her once after it happened but he hasn't again that i know of. But how am i suppose to know if he does or not with him half way around the world. We are both willing to work on this and are reading the book Surviving an Affair together. i don't know how we are suppose to do this over the phone.with him so far away and me not knowing if he is calling her before he calls me. he wont be back for 10 months and i can't go on like this until hegets back. I need to know what we can be doing now. please help

Is this his first affair?

Do you have children?

This is his first physical affair. He was Talking to a women last year but he ended it right after i found out. And no we don't have kids yet. Thank god. I'm glad that I don't have kids in the middle of this whole mess.

I was mad when i got off the phone with him today and I feel bad. He is over there and something could happen to him at anytime. I just want to know how to start to deal with this while he is so far away.

I'm pretty sure the military has resourses to help you. You should contact your spouce support with the military and tell them what has happened. At the very least they will help you with counseling. At least with internet communication with your spouse is much easier and inexpensive than it was years ago.

Hang in there, SW527. It's a tough situation made even more so with the long separation. Do you live on post or near post? You can call the chaplin's office for counseling or help dealing with this. I believe that you can also get some help through ACS and Family Advocacy or even the local clinic/hospital. They are all well equipped to help because unfortunately, this is a common problem even without the deployment on top of it. If you ever need to talk, let me know and I'll send you my email address.

from a fellow Army Wife. My H is there too.

SW527

I too have a Husband over there but in Afghanistan. It is hard to almost impossible to do much being so far away in the circumstances of a war.
You can express love, disappointment at his behavour, tell him you are working on forgiving him, & that he will have to show you he is remorseful when he returns but in the mean time, KEEP HIS MIND ON THE JOB!!

Yes you ARE in limbo right now, very alone I guess and wanting to so much FIX this. I think thats probable too hard right now. But he could still read SURVING An AFFAIR to understand what its done to you

My H explained to me that his soldiers can at times feel very fatalistic and live only for the moment. They don't think of the future much, of consequences, of much but the NOW and getting as much living in that as they can.
My dad who was in Vietnam also says this is very common.

Now this is NOT AN EXCUSE. I am a FWW so I dont accept there is any excuse, You do what you do and take responsiblity for it.

However, in these circumstances it may give you some understanding of why ... does not excuse it .. but may make it a bit easier to live with for the time being.

Until he returns and you can start working together on the M its very hard to really know if this is an one off exceptional behaviour or not. Unfortunately I think you may have to wait until he's home to be really sure of that.

Hope you can work through some of this in the meantime.

He Called me a few mintues ago and for the first time since i found out we actually had a desent conversaton. We were both very underrstanding to each others needs. I really do think We can work this out.