From experience on both sides of sending and receiving, and hearing dozens of personal friends' horror stories ...

I think it should be done away with.

Comments?

xpButtercup - What should be done away with Child Support??? I don't think that would be fair to the person that is responsible for the children - I mean yes it is a hassle and we never get enough - but - to get none at all - seems silly..

I don't have personal experience. (no kids)

Maybe I'm misunderstanding your question. Are you suggesting doing away with Child support? Why?

However, my opinion goes like this... when it works, it works. And many times, it's fair and necessary. My sister needs it, her xH can afford it, and he pays on time. There's never been a problem.

There's zillions of stories like this... the wife supports the husband through medical/law school etc., while putting her education on hold. Then he runs off with another woman, leaving her behind with the kids and no job or or marketable skills. Seems like child support is most-needed in these situations.

Families where H/W are equal bread-winners... that's a different story.

I also work in a bank, overseeing Child-support collections, and it's unbelievable the amount of money some dead-beat parents have in their accounts, and they are thousands of $$ behind in their child-support. Ummmm... why aren't they supporting the child they chose to have???

Nope, don't agree. Children usually need the incomes of both parents to survive.

I do agree that **in some cases** the rights of fathers are ingored and the reality is that some men cannot afford to send up-to-half their salary to their ex-family and support themselves on what remains.

Here in Canada, there are internet sites filled with stories of men who have gone bankrupt trying... or worse... have committed suicide. Those situations are, I would think, NOT the norm.

Child support is a reality that will not go away, and it shouldn't.

However, I do understand how frustrating it can be when the custodial parent wants a higher level of lifestyle than the one shared when the parents were together. If, while together, they couldn't afford for Johnny to play soccer, why should Dad be forced to foot the bill now that they're apart? If Janie was going to have to try for scholorships to the college of her choice while Mom and Dad were married, why should Dad be forced to pay out of pocket now?

Still, if you abolish CS, there's gonna be a whole lot of gov't intervention and single-parents (usually mom's) living in poverty. That's not a good thing.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Well, since I'm the receiver of child support AND alimony, my opinion is er, slightly biased <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I make a fraction of what my exWH makes. We married young, I worked full-time AND had his baby while he went to law school.

He left the marriage, and it was important to him that the quality of his DAUGHTER'S life and yes, mine too, not change due to his poor choices. As for the alimony, I prolly could've gotten alot more, but I do work, and he's very generous and pays for things above and beyond for his daughter. W/O the CS and alimony, I would have had to sell my home, and move our daughter to a different school district, get a full-time job (I work part-time now) and not be home in the afternoons for DD like I was when we were still married, uproot her from her friends and her life, and he did not want to impact her that way if we didn't have to.

I believe what I recieve is generous, but fair.

Amounts will change should I re-marry, as it should.

Does everyone who receives child support believe that the payer would not contribute toward the upbringing of the child(ren) if not forced to?

I hear where you're going, xpb.

When my ex and I separated, we had no "agreement" on paper, but he orally agreed to pay the rent on our house ($650) which he did every month. I have no doubt that he would have done that forever, had the situation remained the same.

Our divorce agreement had no CS (we had one minor son - 16), no alimony, and only division of assets that we both agreed to (I gave my car to our daughter while separated and he bought me a very-used car to use temporarily - I left it for him to sell and keep the money when I moved)... we told each other if bills came in each other's names... and then paid our own. There are some things of mine still in his shed (a few pieces of furniture) that he thankfully keeps for me.

We both know how lucky we are. We could have gotten very nasty about the whole thing, but didn't.

The kind of arrangement you're speaking of is possible, but I don't think the norm. Like devwife, who has a honey of a situation... I bet she knows how blessed she is!

Well my ex only pays what he pays that it is stated in the divorce papers - and he was suppose to pay for 1/2 of extra actvities - which he didnt' do for two years..But I struggled through and got a parttime job to keep them in their actitvities and he is suppose to pay for 1/2 of copays and prescriptions if they are sick but I never ask- Now as for payee if it wasn't in writing he would never have... I mean I dont' have it in writing how much time he spends with his children therefore he shows up on holidays and birthdays and an occassional lunch or ride maybe once or twice a month - to make himself look good - and still be able to say that I have turned the kids against him.. And in our divorce papers it states that the parents have no limitations on the childrens visits that they will do what is in the best interest of the children... But I truly believe if it said he had to take them every other weekend - well then he would have... But it is his loss...

I don't think it's fair to say men don't want to support their children. Well at least not as a generalization. Of course there are men out there who are deadbeats.

In my case, I'm willing to support my daughter. What I have a hard time with is trusting a cheater ex-spouse.

If the system had a way of checking that the money was actually used for the child and not spent on trips with her lover to the keys or other things, then non-custodial parents would be more inclined to pay.

I tried to get 50/50 parenting time, without seeking any sort of reduction in CS, and was refused. Why, because my ex-wife set the precedent when she left and took the child.

Many men want to support our children, we just resent others telling us exactly how we are supposed to do that.

Talk about the ultimate in DJ's.

T

ummmm.... c'mon xPB. I'm very confused as to your questions. Where are you coming from??? What is your experience... I mean why are you asking this? Do you believe the payer would contribute if not required to do so?

I mentioned being involved with collections of these things... you should hear the excuses... excuses as to why we shouldn't collect on back child-support... "I have to pay my rent" "I have to pay my bills" "I can't afford it". Well, the custodial parent has these problems too, right? And should these "excuses" get the non-custodial parent off the hook for providing some support for their own offspring??? "Given the choice", many payers DON'T pay even when required, and many states DON'T have a good system for coming after them.

This sure is a sticky subject isn't it? My situation is VERY differnt than most. When I got pregnant, I had the better job and benefits, etc. than my exH had. WE decided that it'd be best that he stay home until our son hit kindergarten where he would then return to his field. He was an underground locator and land surveyor. Very good fields which don't change where you'd lose your own marketability. I then ended up being the primary wage earner. I was the wife. Fast forward 3 years, when we put our son in preschool 3 days a week for 2 hours a day for socialization and well...preschool. My exH started volunteering there to cut the costs some. This is where he met OW. Fast forward a year and a half later....he takes $20K out of a line of credit to move out. Insists staying at the day care center now working full time there with OW AND my son denying in court that we ever had any agreement that he'd go back to his field when our son hit kindergarten. This was to stay with the OW at work instead of going back to paying his own way with a job that would co support our son. He testified in court that "he had found his calling in child care." I end up paying for court costs, his attorney, my attorney, paid tens of thousands for the community property settlement, paid $680 in alimony for 18 months AND $300 a month for child support which I continue to do. (That's almost $1,000 a month) I had/have my son more than 50% of the time. He got to claim our son on taxes for the first 2 years, now we alternate, he's in before/after school care now where I pay 100% of the fees for that. I pay all medical coverage through my job, but he pays 50% of copayments & any meds. I pay for all extracurricular activities. Field trips at school, "donations" to the classroom, 95% of all clothing, etc. In my state, my salary is below the average.

I don't think child support should go away, but in a lot of cases, there should really be A LOT more restrictions placed on who gets how much for how long. That's just my 2 cents. :-)

Absolutely NewBeg, I do.

As for whether he'd pay if it wasn't written in stone, I'd like to believe he would. I mean, the year we were separated, he continued to pay the mortgage and all the bills still, on top of all his new expenses at his appt etc. My "financial" life remained unchanged. His guilt consumed him, although not enough to stop his affair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, but enough to keep paying the bills. I guess if I was off blowing the money on myself, well that'd be a different story.

Now that being said, EE brought up a good point about the payors of CS being assured that the money goes towards the kids. I get that. Absolutely. My exWH knows how much it cost to keep my household running. He used to live here! The fact that I'm not parading around in a new wardrobe, dripping in jewels, and driving a new car, shows that the money is being used for DD and I to live.

I AM very blessed and have no complaints on that front. He did right by us, as he should have.

DW~~
Your story reads much like mine concerning CS and A.

We relocated to a new state 9 years ago. At the time, our d's were young, and we knew no one, so the choice was made that I be a stay at home mom, and he work on his career.
I had a full-time, [and part-time after kids] job before relocating.
Fast forward 5 years, h job going well, worked himself up, has a honey at work.......and so on.
When h left home, I too was kept in the same $$ situation. It was minimal the money he kept for himself each week and I was given the rest for keeping everything going.
He made his choices, and not good ones at that, but he did provide for us, and still does. At least thru all his choices, guilt must have been powerful when it came to providing.

I really can't complain too loudly about my situation either. I think mine came out fair [as should have] and he also pays a bit more CS than he had to.
I no longer have my new home, but I've exchanged it for a nice rental home, with the basics, and the girls and I live in town, and life is for the most part easier.

I now have a part-time job again, but my priority is still our d's, and I am their primary care giver. I couldn't make it without the CS&A.

Karona

I also gave up a job to move with my H, and then we moved again. We decided that I would be a SAHM after our sixth child was born. Three years later he left. I found a job, and for a few months, we were keeping our heads above water, with my income and the child support. Awhile after he left, he lost his job, and stayed unemployed for 2.5 years, until the OW got him a job that is only slightly above menial in pay. He had never been unemployed for more than a few weeks during the quarter of a century we were together, and had been earning almost six figures. In my state, the first priority of the courts is making sure the NCP has enough to live on, and they refused to impute income based on the fact that he pays no housing expenses and was driving a brand new 32K car that the OW bought for him. (I found out later that his lawyer used to work in the DA's office, which could have been a factor). He pays the mandatory pittance in child support, but not the activity expenses or college expenses that he agreed to in the settlement. I know what it is like to live with hardly any child support, and it is He!!. In spite of the fact that I work full-time, we don't have nearly enough money to live on - even though we moved to a tiny 3 bedroom, one bath ranch. Actually, I think I would be better off without child support, because then I would be eligible for fuel assistance and the reduced price lunch program, etc.

Shrug....I don't force my ex to pay child support and I've never gotten it. One excuse after another.

So, Xbc, yes....if *some* folks are not required to, then they don't.

First off, let me say that when our Divorce was final, I was awarded CS and Alimony and those who live in TX know there is no alimony unless certain conditions apply.

My CS and alimony was supposed to start Nov 1...I have yet to recieve any money. That is a whole other story...the AG is investigating this.

OK, so...When I married XH, I was in school, he had just finished Med School. WE married, moved overseas. We Came back preggos while he finished his duty. He did his REsidency while another child was on the way. I am a stay at home mom at this time. We moved again and got preggos again. I now have 3 kids under the age of 4.

So, when am I to finish my schooling. He makes a lot of money. I stay home with the kids, and support his desisions. 4 years later, he has an A and another child. I'm not supposed to get CS???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I was awarded CS based on HIS income. I was awarded alimnoy based on our situation. Married more than 10 years, no education, stay at home mom for 10 years. I have 30 months to finish my education and then Alimony stops. But the CS goes on.

I think both parents should support THEIR children. it is not fair that one parent does all the support while the other gets to enjoy it for free. I know my H would not support his children unless the court made him. He doesn't even see them.

Every situation is different, but i dont agreee that CS should be done away with. I would be living on the streets if I didnt' get it. Which I am almost there as I havent' gotten any money in 4 months.

just my .02

When we were first married, EX was in college. I worked until my 1st child was born. EX finished college and I worked part time until my child was in school. Once my son was in Kindergarten, I worked full time until I had my second child. I became a stay at home Mom, and in less than 4 years, I had 5 kids total. EX was making a 6 figure income. EX went back to school to obtain his MBA, a year after that he started making even more money and 6 months later the affair started.

We lived in a 4,000 sq ft home, 4 vehicles, the children were very involved with activities. Now I live in a 3 bdrm ranch, and I drive a toyota camery that is paid for. My kids wear decent clothes at my house but not name brand clothes.

EX had no guilt about the A and feels that he should only pay the minimal. He does not care about his children, they now wear rags at his house, but OW have new car, her children wear name brand clothes, they each have cell phone (ages 16, 11, 8)and EX travels with OW and her children everywhere. My children have not gone on vacation with EX, he always tell them he has no money. When we were married, every summer we rented a beach house for a week. This past summer my children didn't go anywhere, once school started for my kids and OW's kids were still out, EX rented the same beach house for a week for OW and her children. My kids got to go there for a day trip.

OW had no money. They lived paycheck to paycheck until she hooked up with my EX.

I do recieve CS and A, I don't have to work, but I do not live the same life style I was used to. Now I live in a 3 bdrm ranch, and I drive a toyota camery that is paid for. My kids wear decent clothes at my house but no name brand clothes.I am enrolled in school so I can have a career once A runs out. I feel that if EX wasn't made to pay CS, he wouldn't. So, I am glad CS exists.

I would also like to add that XH tells our kids that he has no money. He has 6 cars, one being a brand new Excursion. OW has a new car. OW quit her job to stay home with the baby and care for the boys when X has them.

DS10 asked me the other day if I could buy him an Ipod...i was under the assumption that X was giving that to him for Xmas. DS10 told me X told him he couldnt' afford no more than 3 presents each for each boy. so DS10 didnt' get what he wanted. Had I known this I would have gottne it for him. I go out of my way to provide for my kids, yet make a minute amount of what X brings home. He makes more in one week than most make in a 6 month period.

He wanted to give me the BARE minimum for CS and NO alimony. I have had to cash in IRA's just to pay bills. I have racked up a $4,000 credit card bill just to pay bills. My car is about to be repoed along with my house. I am struggling until the AG's gets me my money.

X is not concerned. DS7 asked if we could give daddy our basketball court cuz he doesn't have one. I told DS7 he could buy one and his response was "Daddy doesn't have any money" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> WTF??? I told DS7 I would buy daddy a court for $60 and give it to them.

He tells the kids all the time he has no money. It sucks being Ed doesn't it. I know I was awarded a LOT of CS and alimony, however I also was promised to be taken care of when we got married. That I would have the opportunity to finish my degree once DS5 entered kinder, which he did this year. I am in persuit of that degree NOW. BUT, I am a single mother of 3 going to school full time with no help.

Sorry, I'll quit now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Mom,
OK, I have to laugh because my X is also Ed. And constantly tells the kids "Daddy doesn't have any money" .
Yet, he wants them to go skiing with them, and I told him we can't afford it. DD8 said, well then how can daddy?
The kids get it. They see this stuff and they will make their own judgements.

I get very little CS, but do use what I get on the kids. Life is expensive. I do believe in CS, particularly as there are so many families that need it and can't get it.

I take this as a good sense of... dark humor... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />