I originally posted this in my Hurt And Lost thread, but it's kind of buried at the end, so I (being the impatient boy that I am) decided to post it separately.

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I would like some input on this NC letter. I based it on the examples linked from Dorry's Guide. I customized it some, mainly to reflect that the OM was my friend as well. It should be obvious that I want nothing to do with him anymore, but for the sake of completeness I wanted to state the obvious.

I will show this to my wife when she gets home from work tonight and see what inputs (if any) she has. Thanks in advance for any inputs/suggestions.

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[OM] –

We are writing this letter for one reason only. All communication between you and us must come to an end immediately. If [BB] and I are ever going to resolve our differences and re-establish the trust we once had, there can be no contact between either of us and you ever again.

What happened between you and I should never have happened. It was wrong and immoral. Friendships have been destroyed, integrity and honor have been compromised, and a marriage already in trouble was further damaged.

[BB] and I love each other and our kids. Our marriage deserves 100% effort from [BB] and I to make our lives together as happy, loving and fulfilling as possible. We will initiate no further contact with you, and will not accept attempted contact from you. We will be totally open and transparent with each other. Any attempts to contact us will be made known to each other.

We wish you well, and we will appreciate your respecting our wishes.

Sincerely,

[MP] and [BB]

I think it is great. Good job. Why email? Oh and I would include something like "I have told BB everything"

Brokenbird,

Shouldn't this No Contact Letter be written BY MP? It's all about rebuilding trust and she should be the one to put this letter out herself. It is my opinion that you should be looking for MP to be willing to do the work that needs doing. Noone ever promised that No Contact was supposed to be easy or fun.

You can certainly do all the work for her, but whats the point in that, really?

~ Cissy

Thanks FF. I appreciate the feedback.


It's the quickest way to get it out. I am open to a regular mail. Is that the preferred method? If so, should it be sent registered?


She has, and he knows this. In fact, that's why he called earlier this week (he thought she would be at work and was going to leave her a voice mail). He wanted to know if she had given me copies of some certain e-mails that pertained to the A. She had, quite some time back at my request. I don't know why it mattered to him. He also mentioned something about e-mailing me, but she wasn't sure if he meant he was going to e-mail me in general, or if he was going to send me the e-mails he had referred to if she hadn't already.

The dynamics in this are somewhat odd at times. If I remember, I'll post something he said in his last e-mail to me, after I confirmed for him that she had told me everything (when I finally got all the details, in early December, it was partly because he had told her to answer my questions, and if he didn't hear from me in 5 days stating that she had come clean, he would send me the information).

There are times when this all plays out like a bad Harlequin romance novel or TV soap opera. Except this is real, and it's my life right now.

BB, I prefer snail mail with return receipt requested so you KNOW he got the NC letter. Email can be "lost" or "not received". Better yet, do both!

That's why I want her to review it. It's basically a draft to get some ideas down on paper, so to speak. It contains all the information I want to convey, that SAA recommends should be conveyed.

It is written as if it comes from her. I could (maybe I should) ask her to write it, and then make suggestions for changes. Hadn't really looked at it that way.

From my understanding on this site and SAA, it should come jointly from the BS and WS.

Brokenbird,

I understand it is a draft. I understand that it follows guideline. I understand that the letter should come from both the WS and the BS. Do the guidelines seriously tell the BS to write out the letter FOR the WS?

You didn't have the affair with the OM. MP did. Maybe I am way off base but a NC letter written by the WS seems to be so much more sincere than the WS just agreeing to what has been written.

~ Cissy

Cissy -


I don't think your way off base. You bring up a valid point that I really hadn't considered before. I think I will bring up what the letter should contain, and see what MP can come up with, and go from there.

Given the nature of our situation, it is probably better that she write it since it will hold more water than anything I write would with the OM.

Thanks for the input.

Brokenbird,

Exactly!

Know that we are pulling for you and MP to restore your trust in each other and thus, your marriage.

~ Cissy