WH says "she doesn't see herself as an OW. she feels they are "soulmates" and that this book can only enhance their relationship." HOW DO I DEAL WITH THIS??? she will now know all about filling EN's, LB's (and how to avoid them with him),Plan A & Plan B...

There's not much you can do, I mean it's a published book anyone can purchase.

I don't actually think it's that huge of a deal. I don't think that your WH will recognize what you're doing...I really don't.

I haven't read hn/hn for a while....it has plan a and b in it??? I thought that was in SAA only. I could be wrong...

I'm sure you're flipping out. But I think that you could maybe work it to your advantage.....after she makes him do the EN checklist in there, maybe you can get out of him what he thought his EN's were......you know, you're only interested for educational purposes...LOL

How old is the OW, out of curiousity? Also, don't you think that it means something is wrong in the affair if she is buying this book....and don't you think there is something wrong in the affair because he's telling you about it????

God Bless,

-Caren

Aliens from the mothership can't read English or any other human language. They only speak psycho babble.

Don't worry. Even those from gloryb tried to read those books....they gave up. Seems the more they try to justify their A or legitimize it the worse it gets. LOL!!!

Let her read the book, then ask him if she held it right side up or upside down. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

See you need not fear the OWs. They are stupid and stink.

L.

LOL, Orchid! You crack me up, woman! (Spot on, too.)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hey, just found some proof of where the OW and WS shop for their A clothes. Also the recruiting school for A babblers:


OW's clothing: OW t-shirt

OW's tourist shirt!

What every WS needs:
A WS designer sweatshirt.


Here is the school where the mothership teaches 'engrish'! LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Engrish recruiting

thanks, ladies. i feel better this morning.
i guess i was just panicking. back to Plan A...

WH & i had dinner last night. he's trying to figure this out. if the SF is so good, and they're soooo compatible, then it's too good to be true & must not be real. i try to tell him it's just been six weeks and she's still on her "good behavior" and wait till "real life" happens where she shows her true colors. hopefully, that'll happen soon...

Yes, few of them see themselves as OWs, they have to think their Luv is struck by the stars or else...what they are doing is deceitful, hurtful, and BAAaaaad Karma.

What is the beautiful part about these A's forged in the heavens is that there are HIGH expectations, higher than the M the WS just left...and when the R gets muddy, problems begin, they look around, don't understand what happened, realize this R is no better than any OTHER R, and realize what they gave up for this MEDIOCRE R.

They WILL regret the demise of their M. Some are FAST learners, some are deathbed regretters...let's hope your WH gets it sooner.

And if OW is ALREADY starting to read M help books, there may be more to this...

Yep, I agree, let her get the book, it will be filled with honest words and practical advice...something the OP CAN'T understand...

And if OW is ALREADY starting to read M help books, there may be more to this...

what do you mean?

Means Shangri-la may have a few snakes...

Means there is already trouble in paradise...

Means they are having trouble relating and OW is looking to a book to help out!!!

he is starting to re-think this. he's just so addicted, though. i told him i didn't mind him dealing with his issues with his IC, but that him being with her while he was doing that was what i have a problem with. he didn't like hearing that, obviously, but did not "defend" the relationship (this time), only said that he was trying to figure out if it is "real" and would "last" or not.
i think the exposure is starting to take effect. his co-workers were stunned that he would do such a thing.

Some things to do?

Don't talk badly about the OW, let that R implode all by itself.

Infuse as much reality as you can in their R...bills, house payments, kids, responsibilities, etc.

His R with the OW is like a vacation right now...who WOULDN'T get along during a vacation?

He is on the fence...

If you are up to it, and it is not emotionally draining, sit down and talk with him about the choices he has to make...what it would be like if he chose each side of the fence.

If he stayed with you he would have to have NC with OW for the rest of his life, there would be a certain amount of mistrust. You both would attend MC, read books, perhaps work the MB program. You would likely have a stronger and more respectful and more loving M afterwards.

Family events would NOT be a problem, could share holidays...


If he D'ed and went to live with OW explain what a D would mean, how much income and the loss, not only to himself, but to the family as a whole...any wealth the family built up would probably go to lawyers and would not be available for inheritance or to help out the kids.

No more family gatherings where you could ALL be in one room. You would be civil, but no longer in contact with WH. Would NEVER accept the OW. The kids would forever resent him and ESPECIALLY OW.

And the R would eventually tarnish and be JUST THE SAME as the M...but without the history...

--working hard not to talk badly about OW.
--her son is in jail, the DIL is worthless and 3 grandkids may be coming to live nearby...there's reality for you!
--WH whole paycheck goes into the joint checking & i pay the bills. OW is buying him new clothes, paying for his expenses, etc. i called him a gigolo...he didn't like that!
--he knows all about NC. we went thru that with OW #1.
--i will try to "paint him a picture" of life after divorce. you're right, the kids won't even talk to him right now. i can't imagine them having any relationship if he Dv'd me & married her...
--he brought up divorce a couple of days ago. he thought i would make it easy for him and it could be final in 90 days. i told him "heck no. i'm contesting anything you file. i do marriage reconciliation...i don't do divorce!"
--he's mentioned talking to SH. i talked to JHC last week. should i forward him the contact info?

The OW ordering the books is like Angelina Jolie trying to legtimize her & da' Pitt's R. Now she's suppose to be worried about the baby?!??!!? Stupid OW.

Right now, the more she spends on the WS and the A, the sooner there w/b a crash. So let them drop and hit rock bottom.

U get to a safe place. Secure your finances, expose, get good MC/ID for you and your family as needed, id your boundaries and implement them. Be prepared for the OW to make a move on you and your possessions.

Let her get crazy.....just don't be close by.

L.

Orchid,
--i'm safe. i'm still living at home with my DS15.
--i have a good IC who i'm comfortable with. DS seems to be managing well. his grades have not suffered and he's relying on friends for support.
--as for securing finances--should i expect him to pull his paycheck direct deposit from our joint account? i guess if that happens i'd file for LS and get an equity line of credit to fix up the house to sell...any other options?
--hmmm...boundaries...yes, i'm working on those with my IC. i have tried not to call too often or appear too needy. i do email him a couple of times a week to invite him to things/activities i'm now doing (for me!). he hasn't accepted yet, though. he's still in the fog.
--exposure is continuing. last one was last Friday. he's avoiding friends & family(never was that close to them anyway). i'll think of more people to tell...
--need your advice. WH sounds like he's afraid to leave OW cause it would "drive her over the edge" (she signed herself into treatment a couple of years ago cause she couldn't deal with abusive, alcoholic husband.) what do you make of this? worth my time--or just ignore?
thanks!
cgwife

i asked Jennifer Harley about this because the OW was using some terms like "recreational companian and domestic support" which made me think that she may have the book.

Jennifer said it does not matter.....people in an affair are doing what FEELS GOOD TO THEM!!! They are not as concerned about what feels good to their partner. They can't get it right because they are too selfish to put someone else first.

thanks, eav,
hopefully they'll implode sooner than later...but the waiting is horrible!
cgwife

think about it in HN/HN thye talk about the pain of an affair. Let them read and get formiliar with the npain this has caused you -it also talks about honesty and eception. He will think about these things -it may have the reverse effect on him.

yes...it'll be a good refresher for him. we read HNHN together last year. i guess he needs to re-read it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Orchid: Put $$ aside. Make sure you have a financial backup plan. Setup a separate account and expect the OW to make a move on your valuables.


Orchid: That's babble. If the OW is that psycho, she'd better get professional help and a strait jacket. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Is the WS some sort of certified psycho professional???!?

If you want someone to drive her over the edge, let me know. I'd be willing to drive her there myself. Where's the keys? LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

OW ain't worth a penny of your time. You are priceless and she's not even recyclable. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid,
another question: WH & I are still sleeping together at least a couple of times a week (OW is going back to grad school). SF is a lifeline for me to WH. do i tell her? (her line to him is "monogomy is not an option.") he will get really mad that i had promised not to tell, but I wonder if that might be a huge LB for her. OTOH, will it cause my WH not to see/call me and Plan B me? if so, what are my options then?

have already opened a separate checking account and will definitely put $$ away for emergencies.

thanks so much for your wonderful advice!

cgwife (Pat)