I'm wondering can I ever forgive the OW?

Now, I'm not a wife that puts all the blame on the OW.

It's just in my case the OW is so conniving.

The OW screwed my husband because she thought he was rich...
hahah looks ARE deceiving.

The OW is on welfare. She is in her early 40s. The only job she has ever held down is working for a drugstore.
We are back and forth in court for child support.
It is also not an easy thing to see the OW stroll into the room proud to be on welfare and having two kids by two different men.

I do feel that men should be accountable but what about these women that KNOWINGLY get pregnant?

I am glad that we do not have contact. That's what she gets for opening her legs to a mm.

The OW wants my h to be a part of the child's life, my h does not want this. I don't feel sorry for the OW as she harrassed me and came after me.

I do not respect her because when she was screwing my h, she didn't contact me. When she became pregnant, she did not contact me...BUT...when she had her child and my husband still did not come around, she decides to attack me. Writing letters, driving by our home. This all stopped with a cease and desist letter from our atty.

I do believe in investigating and did so after the OW continued to harrass me. The things I found out. Everything I found out, I let my husband see, and he just became physically ill because he realized this woman was a mental case AND also a con artist tee hee hahhaha.

For harrasing me and coming after me, I found it hard to forgive her. The weird thing...I do not hate her...actually sometimes I feel pity for her.
What low self-esteem to get pregnant NOT once but twice by men that did no want you, only wanted to screw you.

I thank God that I have compassion for my fellow man. That I was raised to know right from wrong. To feel bad for doing something that was wrong.

I try to understand these "women" but I have a hard time doing that. The OW considers herself a victim.
What do they expect...they are opening their legs for a married man...that shows he's not that noble.

It also amazes me how "moral" they become when they are dumped and left with a child all alone. Then when the man doesn't step up to the plate, he's all sorts of things.

How long does it take before these women move on. The affair was in 2003, her child will be two.

Also, I am contemplating writing a letter to her (i've only spoken to her once on the phone). After everything is done.
Not a mean letter just a honest letter.
What do you guys think?

Write the letter then burn it. Nothing good comes from contact with people like this. Trust me.

I agree with D, write it all out then have a burn fest. She won't listen and she's not worth your time.

She is not a victim at all. Many ow like to see themselves as victims, they are not. They are 100% at fault for what they themselves have done with their lives.

The "morals" they suddenly talk about, after birth is actually funny. They are victims and how dare the man and his family not bow to her wishes. When it doesn't turn out the way they want it to, the man is now a weak loser hiding behind his wife, the hate and anger directed at the man and his wife is hysterical. They never see that they are just as guilty as the man for the end result. That if they see themselves as victims, then so to can the man see himself as a victim of an lying ow, who TRY to get pregnant. That victim status can go both ways. In fact, neither are victims.

As for forgiving, she is nothing to you. By forgiving your husband and moving on with your life, is where you will find your peace. What happens to this welfare loser is not worth the thought.

She may think she has something to be proud of, but the last I looked a welfare woman, with kids from different daddys is hardly looked at as a moral and decent woman. In my neighborhood they are called ******, I can't imagine a society where they are valued for their stellar moral fiber and decency.

Do not ever, in anyway contact this woman for a thing. By disregarding her completely, shows the level of concern you have for her. Never contact her at all.

So very, very true. I agree with the other ladies. Write the letter, get it all out, and then call a girlfriend, get a bottle of wine, shed some tears, and then have an old fashion burn party. Don't just burn the letter, burn her memory and all the feelings of hate and dislike. Don't let it eat you.

Thank you, thank you....Lynn G.
I am going to print that out and keep it!
Thanks!!!

Yes it is possible to forgive the OW <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />, at least in some cases, like mine. It does not happen overnight that's for sure.
It truly takes a time and curcumstances.
I was only able to forgive her after giving it (the situation) to God, and wanting to forgive her for the sake of my own soul.
What also helps is we have all gone on with our lives H&I and she. We have all come to a point to where we needed to put the past where it belongs; in the past.
To be honest it doesn't hurt that she has had a steady BF for over a year,lol.
However, forgiving her doesn't mean I will trust her, if ever.
In my case of forgiving her, is probably not the "norm", and a person can only make that descion for themselves.

I don't know if I can ever truly forgive the OW. I am not saying OW is any more or any less resposible for the sitch of the A and now OC - I believe she and H equally share that honor and as Lynn said are neither one victims. It has been a long road to find forgiveness for my H and this is a man that I love and had committed to sharing my life with. Why would I put so much emotional effort into coming to forgiveness for OW? - a woman I never invited into my marriage that I didn't even know before all of this disaster occured and not a woman I would have been friends with had I ever met her (we are different people entirely).

I have found my peace in this sitch (despite OW best efforts to try to guilt us into C). I hope you too can find that.

For your own mental health, I think that if you can come to a place where you can forgive the OW her actions, even though you are still suffering the consequences of said actions, then you should strive to do so. I say this because if you don't forgive, at least in your heart, you will continue to stew about what's happened. Let's face it, there is nothing that can be done now about the situation, but you can end up a much happier person if you just forgive. You don't even need to let the OW know, other than a change in your attitude towards her. One of the "oldies" from around 3 or so years ago used to say that she would just "kill the OW with kindness", and guess what? IT WORKED! The OW made herself miserable trying to figure out why this person was no longer "torn up" about the whole situation.

If you give in to your anger and bitterness about what's happened, you are only stooping to the OW level. Be the bigger person. As another poster said in her post, the forgiveness isn't for the OW but for yourself. You don't need to befriend or trust this person, but you can forgive the "trespass", just like in the Lord's Prayer, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

Yeah. I can forgive OW. Just not the one that is in my life. She is now unforgivable by me and is in God's hands (because he's the only one that can help her).

I hate both of them for all the pain they brought into my life... i admit i have my inadequacies too (EN's not meet, etc.)... i'm in the stage of forgiving my husband (granting that he will not repeat the same mistake again)... forgiving the OW will take some some time (years perhaps)...

The opinions mentioned above were worth following -very practical, i'm enlightened too.why should they bother us now or rather why should we allow them to bother us now -"they sealed their fate by the choices they have made".