Harmonie - Thanks so much for responding. I just last night thought up the idea of switching it around as to how he would feel if I lied to HIM. I certainly do hope that a teeny bit of what I say here or do here could in a tiny way shed some light on other BS lives. That would make me so very happy.

Yep, the lies are the killer. I read somewhere recently about trust and honesty being the most important factors in a marriage- made me cry instantly. Sure a big joke here. Oh yea, he is very good looking (which only breaks my heart more because he does not want SF with me) now, anyways a good provider, I really enjoy his company... blah blah blah all the window dressings are there... just nothing much in stock !!!

There is no foundation in my marriage. There is alot of love.. But it is shallow, we just touch the surface. I want/need more. If only, only only I could somehow get the two of us to discuss this HUGE issue of the A, it could bring us so darn close. But, he is scared. He just can't admit it.. and I am barely hanging in there because of it.

I thought he was coming home today but he is not sure. I will definetly have this "talk" with him when he does. I must do this.. I must at least try.. again. SH told me to make him feel safe and get into his secret rooms. I will use my sweetest voice and try to touch his leg while talking .... looking for answers anywhere.

jls - Thanks so much for replying. No, I do not have a ranch or farm. I do live in rural Texas - Oh, and the cattle, which is not mine but I can clearly see them at my back fence, maybe that is what you remember. Poor things, no grass here nothing, so friggin dry. Everything is in shades of sephia !!!

The lies and denying (same thing) are the huge destroyers. IMHO I think somehow, someway calm soothing words may make the WS feel comfortable enough to admit.

I think I will tell him - WS I already know all about the A. you can't hurt me anymore than you already have. But.. think of how much better YOU will feel with that huge stack of lies taken off your shoulders !! How about that, would that work ??

While I am certainly not happy that others are in my same sit. I do feel much better from the comaraderie involved with this here on MB. Not like misery likes company, way too trivial and mean. More like people in same sits helping each other any way that they can, if only to listen or hold your hand.

Thank you so very much for sharing and helping.

I would do anything (well, almost) to save others from this nightmare.

Best regards - car