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Joined: Sep 2003
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I am one of those who determined to 'tough it out'. I did for the worst of it. I got prescriptions twice but never followed through. It's been almost 2 years and only a couple months ago I started taking unprescribed, over the counter ones. Not good I know. I have now purposed that I will get a referral to see a shrink. But even that I keep putting off.


Oh my goodness! for some reason I was thinking that your D was still very recent. You need to accept the help that is available to you.

all right, sit down, take out a paper and pen and start making yourself a list of thing syou need to start doing.

Do you keep a journal? People told me to do this, and I kept putting it off, but once I started writing it was the best therapy!! I could finallys top the negative tapes playing in my mind, becuase I was getting it all on paper. Also, about a year after my D I was crying to my Aunt that I was still sad, my life was not good, etc, and she said "go back and read your journal, so you can see how far you have come" I did - and she was right. I had come a long way. If you have not been keeping a journal, please start right away.
Also - write down at least 4 goals you have for yourself. People always say "writing down your goals helps you achieve them" I never beleived it - but tried it myself. My first 4 goals were fairly simple. Lose 20 pounds. Find a way to work closer to home. I don;t even remember the other two. But I did lose 20 pounds. And I ended up deciding to sell my house, and mvoe closer to work. That was accomplished within 3 months of wrting the goals down.
After those 4 were done, I came up with 4 others. Again, I don't remember all 4, but I know one of them was "visit New Orleans". I ended up seeing New Orleans last summer, about 2 weeks before the Hurricane. I have been so glad I had a chance to see new Orleans before the hurricane hit!

Are you going to church? Do you have a church you liek, and can get involved in? I started going to a new, bigger church after my D. They announced that choir pracitice would start soon. I tried to get a friend to go with me, so I didn't have to go alone. I was certain taht EVERYONE else there would be amrried, and I would be the only DIVORCED woman. Well, I couldn't find anyone to go with me, but I decided to buck up and go anyway. I was terrifed. I got there early, and sat in a row by myself. Soon I was joined by a woman on each side of me. Turned out they were both divorced as well. They were just as scared as I was. I made it my goal to make friends wtih them. to one I said "You have beautiful hair" she almost cried when she thanked me. to the other I said "you have such anice smile" she beamed and thanked me. You see, these women needed a boost to their self esteem, just like I did. And by saying/doing things to help someone else, I was feeling a whole lot better about myself.

so.. make it a goal to do something to help someone else.
Get plugged in at church.

I read a good book called "If You want To Walk On Water You Have To Get Out Of The Boat" It helped me to really step out and try new things. It isn't easy the first time you do something new, as a single "divorced" woman. But your life is out there waiting for you.

Isn't there something you have always wanted to do, but never did it when you were married, because your H wasn't interested? Now is the time to do it! That was New Orleans, for me. My WxH had no interest in going there, at all. thought it would be a waste of time and money. I didn't honestly think I would ever make it, and that was ok with me. But after he was gone I decided that I would make that a goal. As it turned out, I went with my new H.

About the anti - D's, don't be afraid to try them. what is the worst thing that can happen? You are not going to feel "high" or out of control. It will just help to even out your mood, so you are better able to take control of your life. Honestly, there is no award handed out to people who "tough it out". No trophy, or gold star. But the reward you will receive when you finally take control of your life, will be a life well lived.


Married 18 years
D Day June 25, 2003
Divorced December 17, 2003

Newly married to a wonderful man!
Joined: Jan 2006
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I'm sorry. I didn't explain myself properly. Yes the D is recent, still to collect the D certificate. The 2 years refers to the A.

I have set some goals and I have come a long way since dday etc. but I don't think it is enough. I do have a journal with stuff from those earlier months that I have been thinking of burning.
I had wanted to gain at least 10 lbs which I have.
I have wanted to get re-focussed where work is concerned but I don't think that is working out. I need a break/time out, its becoming almost impossible to function at work.
I go to church on a Sunday only and really have no wish to be involved - bad experiences with that also, plus I have not taken up membership and do not plan to. It has been really difficult to go to church alone.

I have always loved going out - wherever whenever, but the H was a home bug...still is no fun going out alone. Most of my friends live too far away or are busy with their own life. Some days too I feel so vulnerable that I think it best to stay at home where it is safe. Guilt will kill me if a moment of weakness makes me do something silly.

I plan to go see a doc tomorrow.

Thanks for your advice. I will keep you updated.


The latter will be greater than the past.
Joined: Apr 1999
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About the anti - D's, don't be afraid to try them. what is the worst thing that can happen?
Lots and lots.
I'm not suggesting you sohould not but be informed about what you are taking and what they are supposed to do for you.


Prayers & God Bless!
Chris
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Thanks. Yep. I've done quite some reading on the SSRI's. Still afraid to go there but I don't think it is much of a choice right now.


The latter will be greater than the past.
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