Had a lovely day yesterday with wh. Geesh.. what a nightmare. Long story short, he did agree to take a lie detector test. He has brought this up in the past and mentioned it again yesterday.

Thought I had it down pat as to how I was going to approach him on the lies, getting the truth, easing his conscense, etc. Nope.. didn't go that smoothly. And, after he brought up taking a lie detector test to finally get this over with, I told him that I would give them the actual questions that I wanted him to answer. Threw a few choice ones out there.... he quickly started back tracking his agreeing to it... I guess he thought it would be much more vague. So.. who knows now.

I am not very pleased with myself with the way the whole conversation about all this stuff went down. He actually left in a huff.... and no words since.

I think this is now a sticking point... in fact, this may be my new broken record phrase... then take a l.d. test. like you said you would...

Oh, and he again reminded me of his total lack of lust towards me... like I had to be reminded..... not a good day.

Hope others are doing better here.

Best regards - car

What do you hope to accomplish with a lie detector test?

To prove he's a liar?

Don't you know this already?

What you can accomplish by this is the establishment of a baseline for honesty in your R.

If my W had submitted to it I’m convinced it would have put me light years ahead in our R.

It would be considered by some to be a “true gift” from a FWS/WS in the recovery effort. I can tell you from past discussions on LDTs that the BS’s that have enjoyed the submission of them seemed overwhelmingly happy that they had used them as a tool for honesty.

My W agreed to one btw and then reneged on the deal the next evening.

I can understand the humiliation that someone might suffer from it, but if I thought it would help my W out (if I were the wayward) I would do it in a minute.

I spoke to several LDT examiners and they all said the same thing. The questions are presented to the subject before the examination and the questions are very clearly defined. Two of the examiners told me that they rarely get the person into the chair before they have complete second DDays before the test in infidelity cases. These two examiners also told me that the details usually come out at the house, not at the business once the thing is scheduled.

I think it is an excellent expression of “you can trust me” to a fresh BS.

Just don’t count on getting your recently discovered WS into the chair. It’s rare for someone to be willing from what I’ve gathered.

Plank.

I have watched a lie detector test. As plank said, questions are prepared and covered with the person taking the test. The person taking the test is made comfortable with the wording of the questions. Once the questions are established, the examiner will adjust the machine with some basic questions asking the person to tell the truth and to lie. Once the machine is adjusted the prepared questions are covered several times. The examiner will then determine the truthfulness of the answer. It maybe there is not a conclusive answer in that they are unsure if the person is telling the truth or not, so in otherwords most of the time the examiner goes in favor the person taking the test if they are not sure by saying the answer was inconclusive.

Thank you so much for the replies, as always.

Worth.. your response made me laugh out loud. I suppose I am trying to establish some place to start this recovery. And the willingness or non willingness to go through with this test, should be telling in itself.

I am just so angry at myself right now as to how I acted yesterday. Talk about the LB Queen... I came shining through !!! Frankly, I doubt many would act cheerfully when told about this friggin lack of lust issue. I am so often really wondering about the validity of this M.

Told him, probably screamed it, that had he ever heard the phrase - two becoming one, referring this to SF. Fell on deaf ears, or sore !! lol

Thank you, thank you, thank you for the help and responses. Within the last 6 hours, I have called his shut off cell once and left a nice mess and left a text mess. I am done calling.

I really, really did not handle my "trying again to get the truth, get an apology, love me" talk too well. I am done calling, I will not call.... I will not call.....

Thanks again so very much. Carnation

Plank, good gravy, I first became aware of his A one and a half years ago !! He has denied this so strongly and for so long now, I feel he just can not come clean to me. Certainly in the manner that I presented this to him yesterday.

Dang it, Why did I not take him up on this (ldt) a long time ago ?? Perhaps I was not ready for the truth. But, you are right, I do not see him agreeing to this now. So, I can put the phone book down and take a deep breath.

Everything happens for a reason. Maybe I have, he has had enough. Sure would be a blessing to at least be able to walk away from this mess knowing (ok validated) the truth.

Maybe my little pathetic text message today can be my Plan B letter !!! What do y'all think of that ??

It's alot easier to be angry at the WS then angry at yourself - again.

carnation

Perhaps I misunderstood the setting. If a former WS is willing to take a lie detector test to demonstrate his/her commitment/sincerity/truthfulness of what took place - by all means, why wouldn't a sincere former WS be willing to do this?

Answer: if they're not really sincere

or

The known uncertainty of such tests makes them too unreliable to be conclusive.

Remember > these contraptions are still not admissible in court - for good reasons.

IMVHO - the best lie detector is the passing of time.

WAT