Please give me some crits. It's written much like the SoS.

My Summer Love

My summer love basks in the sun of her youth
Fragile skin is warmed by his gaze and the fire of his love for her
Chestnut hair lightened by his touch and rich amber eyes glow with his passion
Short breaths in the salty air as she revels in his presence on the shore of their lives

My autumn love enjoys the mild nip of love in the air
Her love, a radiant embrace during the start of colder times
Tenderly wraps herself in the love of her family and keeps them close
Peaceful celebration of the turning of the season with laughter and cheerfulness
in the comfort of her loving home.

My winter love now guards her heart during the bitterness of life
Painfully cringes at the pale wind as it whips the hair covering her face
Suffering, hiding her love in fear that it will freeze and shatter in the exposed open air
Quietly longing for better days and spring, when the joy of life and the love of her gazing sun returns to once again warm her heart.

My spring time love at last runs through the fields of her resurrected hope
The sun that was once hidden from her again warms her body and face
Playful, adorning her hair with wild flowers, picked fresh from the field of life
And once again rejoicing as she understands that love, like her beloved sun has many faces, and that all his faces wait patiently, eager to bestow warmth and love eternal.


FN

Revision number 5

Corpus Eros et Cetera... (Body of Love and the rest...) - by FN

My love, basks the longest day; the sun, a youthful suitor
Fragile skin, warmly kissed by the gaze and fire of love
Chestnut hair lightened by touch, amber eyes rich with passion’s glow
Short breaths in salty air, cherished seduction on the shore of life

My love, Zephyr’s inspiration, arouse the harvest moon
A radiant embrace, an endurance of colder times
Tenderly wrapped in the loving arms of family keeping close
Peaceful celebration in the turning of seasons, laughter and cheer, the comfort of home

My love, heart guarded during the short solstice of bitter life
A painful cringe, the pale wind whipping unfurled hair from covered face
Suffering, hiding, fearful love to shatter and die in the open air
Quiet longing for spring days, joy of life and the lover’s gaze warming the heart

My love, running anew, through vernal fields of a resurrected hope
The sun, once hidden, returns to warm body and face
Playful adornment, in hair - wild flowers, picked fresh from the fields of life
Rejoicing, an understanding of love, beloved sun with many faces, patient, eager to bestow warmth and love eternal