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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63 |
I served WW with divorce papers this last Thursday and now have had a change of heart. Is it possible to stop? Has anybody else felt this and/or done this?
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 158
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 158 |
It doesn't matter what anyone else has done...of course it can be done - if that's what you want. Please think carefully, but if you can forgive her and really work on your marriage - you can reverse anything...
best,
Cis
Me - far from a perfect person - but trying to improve all the time
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Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,733
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jasper9652,
Yes, you could reverse it but she could pursue it. What makes you change your mind ?
-rh-
Give your absolute best such that you could look back 10 years from now w/ no regret.
Happily Married to Lady Elina - 04/29/06
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 921
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Jasper,
A lot of guilt goes with filing... Does she want to reconcile?
I had a change of heart when I filed, did not matter to her.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63 |
Yes she wants to reconcile. She finally saw Divorce on paper and thats when after 6 months she was full of remorse. We talked for 3 hrs the staurday after I filed. I called my attorney and took court date off the calender. I had my attorney draw up a simple document stating from this day forward our finances are seperate. We're seperated. I felt some guilt for filing yes but at the time felt it was the right decision. Now I'm not so sure. Either way actually. I've been doing alot of reflecting/praying. To an outsider it seems easy but it is not. Thoughts?
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63
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OP
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63 |
Most days I don't know what I want. Filing for D seemed like the right thing at the time. Then postponing seemed right. Now my WW seems to be pursueing me. I'm not over her A and hope that I am not just leading her on. If an A was not involved here the answer would be simple. As I have mentioned NC will never happen and this is a HUGE stumbling block for my recovery. Also full disclosure does not seem to be in the future. I guess I'm fence sitting and I have told her this. I just needed to talk some this morning....Good Day all
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 586
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 586 |
Have you two tried MC? Maybe that would help.
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 158
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 158 |
If you're not sure, I would put everything I had into repairing the marraige. Once you decide without hesitation that you want to divorce - well, then you can stop doing everything you can to repair.
I never wanted to divorce, and was upset that we never had the chance to "fight" for our marriage. My H always thought that you shouldn't have to fight for a marriage, and was never convinced our marriage was worth fighting for. I'm his third wife- why did I ever think he valued marriage???
Me - far from a perfect person - but trying to improve all the time
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 63 |
I just read a post in the emotional need section that described how I feel. Goes like this......I wanted my marraige and WW back terribly just after d-day. Now that she is pursueing me I wonder why I ever wanted it and if I truely do right now. I have been waiting for near 7 months....for what? I just don't feel comfortable being with her when I know it isn't working for me. It may well be ok like it is for her but not me. I hope I don't spend too much more of my life in this state of confusion.
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 921
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Jasper,
If she wants to work on it, then I suggest you give it a shot or at least give it very strong consideration. She made some very, very bad choices and it now sounds like reality is sitting in (as it always does for WS's).
Step back from the divorce and give this some time....
Keith
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