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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32
dkjjhkr Offline OP
OP Offline
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 32
My husband left me when I was 7 months pregnant. We have will be married for six years next month. Needless to say I was devastated. He later told me that he was having affair with someone at his job. I am 29 years old and I feel like I have given up my whole life for him and in return his spit on it. The one big thing that I have sacrificed for him is taking care of his kids. I did not want to but I did it anyway. He and I both can agree that in this relationship it has been mostly I give and mostly he and/or his kids take.
He and I have prayed together about this issue several times and I truly believe that God wants the two of us to be together. I also believe that my two babies deserve to have their father. But here is the problem. I have been plagued with temptation to get him back. I truly want him to hurt as much as I did. Does this mean that I don't love him? The feelings that I feel toward him are frequently not the feeling that the Lord describes as love. I have even gone as far as thinking about a man that I could have an affair with just to get him back. I know that this sounds horrible, but I feel guilty for even thinking this way but I can not shake the feeling. My husband revealed all this to me about 9 months ago, and while things are tremendously better, I still want him to suffer like I did. Any advice?

Me30 H37 DSS10 DSD9 DD2 DD1
Married 3-17-00
I love my sweet babies!
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 10
Junior Member
Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 10
dkjjhkr - I can relate to your reaction of wanting to get back at him. After I found WH in A I saw a billboard available to rent & thought about posting his face & asking all who'd slept with him to call.

What you're feeling is normal. We want them to hurt as much as we do. You are very vulnerable right now & I'm sure you've already realized that you having an affair will just hurt you more.

It's not easy, but you've got to keep giving it to God, your hurt, your need for revenge, your husband, all of it. Find ways to mentally/emotionally disconnect from playing the tape in your head over & over that plots out ways of "getting him back". Go find a screwball comedy movie to watch, take a walk, read if you can something light, just try to find ways of taking your focus off what he's done.

Are you doing things together now that are building love credits? If so focus on that, let that be the thoughts you replay. I've found for me in this journey that where I let my head spend the most time replaying thoughts determines how I respond. I've gained the most ground for me, when I've taken my thoughts off my hurts & focused on the least bit of good I can find. Hope this helps

3S- 24,23,18
DD 9-6-05
Married 5-10-78

Me - 49
WH -53
3 DS - 24,23,18
dday 9-6-05
married 5-20-78
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
Junior Member
Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 4
Don't be embarassed. I think many of us have had thoughts of retaliation. It's human nature I believe. A form of wanting to protect ourselves by dis-able-ing what we perceive to be our attacker.

Heres a couple of ideas had of getting back at him, and her.

They worked at the same company.

1) I found notes and emails he had from her. So, I wanted to fax them to every fax number from the CEO on down.

* Feeling: Humiliation.

So, I wanted them to be equally or more humiliated (and fired).

2) Then, fax them all to her husband. She's married also, with two small children.

* Feeling: Self-Pity.

I was thinking, why should I have to deal with this, and her husband is totally in the dark about it. She should have to face it at home like I do.

Aside from the fact that vengence is not mine. You can see what damage that would have caused all involved in numberous ways at my hand. So, of course I never acted on them, but I sure did want to.

Occasinoally, these feelings creep in again and I count to ten, go do something physical like clean the bathroom, walk, or call someone and talk about something totally off the topic of the affair, and turn it over to God and ask that I be stronger than my feelings are.

So, don't be embarassed. ; )


___________________________ Married - 23 yrs. (together 26 yrs.) High School Sweethearts Me/Age - 44 Him/Age - 43 DD #1 6/84 - WH - 2 months before marriage. ("quickie" with mutual "friend"). Married - 1984 DD #2 ?/87 - WH - PA affair with co-worker DD #3 5/06 - WH - "EA" co-worker again. EA started in 2 or 3 of 2006. She was pursuer. Seperated off and on for 6 mos. - 04/06 - 09/06 __________________ DD - 22 yrs. old DS - 19 yrs. old Both in college, DS living at home.

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