I'll start with a little background. I'm a regular over on the EN board, and since coming here to MB in November, have been working on eliminating LBs and eliminating ENs. Married for 10 years, two kids, I have had a suspicion for about 6 years on and off, mostly off, that my H has been unfaithful.

In December after reading about another poster dealing with alcohol issues, I posted about my own uneasiness, and was urged to go to Alanon. I started going, and found that H's drinking was indeed a big problem for me, and I got/get help dealing with that. Now he hasn't been diagnosed as an alcoholic, but from what I've read on the internet, he's a functional alcoholic - doesn't miss work, has dry days. We have been in MC since January, and are making progress very slowly.

I have been lurking on this board and JFO, and today read a post about STDs that encouraged lurkers to post and find out where they are. So here I am. So far, any snooping I've done I haven't been able to be very quiet about, and I know that's just shooting myself in the foot. Has anyone else done that, go off asking questions that just make the other partner defensive and mad at not being trusted blindly?

My concern is that for my own mental health dealing with the alcohol, I am thinking I would protect myself better by not looking at cc statements, etc, because it takes my focus off of me trying to fix myself and be a better person, mother, and spouse. Alanon in fact suggests not making any big decisions for the first six months. Could I use that idea to justify not investigating further for that much longer? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

To be honest, I'm not sure if I'm "ready to know" if there is infidelity going on. I am a person who tends not to trust my own instincts where H is concerned, but I have a good friend who keeps seeing "red flags" and is asking me not to ignore them.

I appreciate any insight or advice.