I posted this on recovery, but decided to post here to because of the traffic.

I discovered WH 2nd affair in Jan. During discovery, he says that it doesn't help when we do things separately. He's been doing weekends with the guys since the beginning of our 23 year marriage. Last year, I began to take some vacations by myself. I have three weeks vacation a year and he only has two. Plus some personal days. He has taken quite a few days without me to go fishing with the guys.

Last summer, I went to visit my sister for a week - had a blast! He had his 2nd PA this fall - and has said that he doesn't think separate vacations are a good idea. Well, this past October, my sister IL invited me to go to Key West with her, my sister, and her daughter - all expenses paid. 3 bedroom condo right on the beach! Asked my H and he said - go, sounds like fun!

Now, 1 mo. after discovery - he's saying he doesn't think its a good idea. There has been full disclosure - all my family knows. I really want to go on this trip and have been stashing cash for four months.

He and a buddy are going down to my sons' college next week (w/out me)- the week after that we're spending three days in a secluded cabin - just the two of us. The following weekend, I want to do an art show with my sister in a neighboring state.

Then the 10 day trip to FL in April. We discussed it this AM and he said I should post and see what you great people have to say about it. So - I'm asking - what do you think?

thanks so much for all of you - this site has helped me more than all the counseling and books combined!

Well I guess it depends on what you're trying to do.....if you are trying to save your marriage.....and you have D-Day #2 just a month ago....and he's apparently stopped contact with her, and wants to work it out with you.

If all these things are true, and your WH is ASKING you NOT to do the separate vacation thing, then I'd say it's a need of his that you not go. Do TOGETHER things.

If you don't want to save you marriage, and you want to be divorced.....then by all means go with your sister....but don't be surprised if the *A* is in full swing again when you get back.

God Bless,

-Caren

You can't work on a marriage when you're not together.

Doing fun, party-type things separately is just begging for trouble even in the best of marriages, let alone one that is severely damaged.

You can't work on a marriage when you're not together.
Mulan