My w asked me in an email how I was doing. (see my profile for backround) I was totaly open and honest in my response. I said I felt sad most of the time I am reminded of her and our situation. She responded by asking why? WHY!? Ugh! She wanted to know if it was because of missing her, the hurt, regrets or "not getting another chance" or a combination of. When I saw the "not getting another chance", I got so angry. I'm not the one who is having the affair!! Why does she think I need another chance?? I want her to give US another chance. She is still blaming me for her having an affair! I can't take this much more! The reason I am sad when I think of her is because I miss her and I am hurt. I do have regrets, regrets that I wasn't more attentive to her, regrets that I didn't say or do loving things at the time that she needed me to with me knowing she needed it. Mostly my sadness is the missing and hurt though. I responded to her email and told her that. I also said that not every time I thought of her I was sad. Sometimes I smile and even laugh when I remember something we did that was fun... Am I being too open and honest too quickly?? Should I keep some of these feelings to myself? I figure if she asks I should tell her, but I don't want to sound pathetic or needy... I'm stuck! What should I do?

Nothing wrong with expressing your feelings. Don't take any blame. People who do this look for the smallest reasons to justify their actions and bombard you with them. A simple "how can you treat me like this after everything we have shared together?" will outwardly be ignored but it will plant the seeds. At this point, you have to leave the door open for her to go. No more begging or grovelling. When you talk to her, No love busting. Just talk about the good times you had and that it is too bad she had to take things to such a destructive extreme....

Britn, bless your heart. Hang in there. Understand this first and foremost, yes you can take resposibility for issues in your marriage. Maybe you weren't there enough or you didn't do enough, not attentive enough, those you can take responsibility for but HER decision to have an affair belongs to her. YOU did not have any part of that. I think you should be honest, but I believe she is asking you these questions because she misses you. She know you are hurting, and she also knows you aren't about to start dating or seeing someone else. She likes the feeling of having two men who want her. She is staying in contact with you because she wants to make sure you are still there for her. I know you are hurting, I've been there, hang in tough....you'll make it

I know she misses me. She told me through tears over the phone that she does. I miss her too. I'm so frustrated that she doesn't seem to get the idea that we are both to blame for the mess we are in now. I'm tired of blaming. I just want to hold her and have her hold me. My heart just breaks apart at the thought of us not growing old together.

Britn, I know how you feel. That's all I wanted too, to be loved again. I think I would tell her how you feel and that you still love her, but you can't keep this up. Then leave it to her, don't go answering her emails immediately.....let her wait a little. It will make her wonder why you aren't available at the drop of a hat. As long as you are waiting on a limb for her, she won't have the chance to miss you. When in need and you are tempted come to this sight and type your concerns....take care

She is confused and does not want to face he confusion. You need to withdraw and show her what she is not going to have with the OM in the picture. She wants it both ways but she cannot have it both ways. In the meantime you need to do other things to distract you from this mess until she comes around. Its' very difficult to do. My wife played this game for 3 moths until it began to break up. It seems like it takes a million years. Every second takes forever to tick by.

Thanks for the responses! Coming here to "vent" helps a lot. I just don't have enough patience yet. I want to hear her voice so bad that it takes all the strength in me not to call her. I just can't get over the part about giving me another chance!