I noticed on the post about what to say about OC that H and you are living together again --- UPDATE ?????

I have missed hearing from you -- would love to hear how things are going.

Beth

Hey Mily!!!

I was so happy to read that your XH is back at home. Please do give an update.

So great to hear some joyous news!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi girls!

Been very busy these past weeks ... I finally was able to change jobs with a new group since my ex-Manager got stuck on the personal problems I had in 2004 with the divorce and the affair and everything else and was not being fair to the job done in 2005 ... so it was time to move!
My new manager and team mates really appreciate my work!

Anyway, xH moved back on Feb 28.
The year dating went by very fast!

Of course, moving back home meant more drama from OW ... she needs serious help ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
He got OC that day. Because I was helping him moving back, I told him to get DD and go to someplace so I could go back to work and do some hours.

They went to Chuck E. Cheese ... OW was there with OC ... no problem so far ...
I didn't know that he had told her that before moving back he was not going to take OC home ... for her 'peace of mind' ... whatever if you ask me ... but that after he moved back, she would not have any say in that matter ... all this was said in court - the day they went for the visitation agreement ...

So he got there with DD, the place was packed ... and she made a show! ... made a fool of herself if you ask me ...
She started crying and yelling in front of everybody, telling him what a bad father he was, that she was going to put him in jail if she knew that OC was with me. That I didn't love OC or his son from previous marriage ...
That no one in the world treated her as bad as he does ... not even her xH ...
That she was going to call me and tell a lot of lies because I was easy to convince ... that she was going to tell me that they were sleeping together and he was all the time with her ...

Being a conflict avoider, he just kept moving from place to place and she kept following him ... until he told her that he and DD were leaving.
So she calls him on the phone and was talking to him the same sh&*it for half hour ...

He got home, told me the whole story ...
Which I told him not to answer her calls if she was going to behave that way ... if it is not something about OC then, hang up ...

Anyway, he got OC on Thursday ... we went to another Chuck E. cheese ... at this point I'm thinking as a conflict avoider too, I don't want that woman in my house making shows ... so we went with OC and DD to another Chuck E Cheese in the area ...

Everything fine ... the kids had a blast ... when we were getting ready to leave ... OW called ... that she went to look for him at home and to the other Chuck E Cheese ... that she was going to call the police and tell them that he was going to kidnap OC ... isn't she cute? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />
That she needed to know where OC was every second ...

I know that whatever he felt for her is not there anymore ...

I feel happy because he is back. He's doing all the right things.
I feel annoyed by OW's actions. But the way I see it is that she's still desperate and wants him back but every time she does or says something, it just pushes him away ...

But there is still a part of me that is so scared! I don't want to go through this again ... Having him back had 'refresh' old feelings of paranoia and insecurity ... I don't know ... I'm a little in panic mode ... trying not to show anything to him ... it is not him, it is me that I have to deal with this now ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, how are you Beth?
B, are you still dating xH?

Thanks for the update. Congrats on the job sitch. Glad to hear things are going so well w/H - sorry for the OW drama. Hopefully that will simmer down when she finally comes to terms in her mind that you two are a family again.

Things with is are good as well. H works hard at proving the changes he's made and all evidence points that they are real. I am comfortable in my M and my life again and HAPPY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I feel like the worst is finally behind me.

We still don't have C with OC - we just can't add that in right now. H has written OW explaining that when or if we decide to have C we will let her know and that this is something he will explain to OC as an adult if we choose to never have contact. OW has been well behaved - we don't really hear from her anymore.

I am beginning to struggle with NC -- my heart thinks about this sweet little boy that I would like to get to know. I hate that he will grow up thinking I am the picture of evil that kept him from his father. But our life is peaceful without being contacted by OW. If we had C she would get to be a part of our life. I just can't do it. H doesn't want to do it for that reason too - just doesn't want any dealings with her. She is too full of drama and we don't want to be pulled in. So (at least at this time) NC is our choice.

We still haven't told our kids about OC. The time hasn't come for that yet. IF we told them right now they would want to see and know him and we can't do that right now. When we tell them, I feel like H and I need to be at a point where C is possible - I just really believe my kids will want to know their half-brother and it would be cruel to tell them he exsists but they can't see him.

As our M heals, I think all of this other will fall into place. Right now we are in a good place and I am confident in our future! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hey Mily, B here!

I am not surprised the "baby mamma drama" started immediately, thats what the majority of them do once they feel their so called "grip" slipping away & your XH returing home to u is a sure fire sign of that. She is too stupid to realize that she is ruining any so called chance she had w/ him u know. At the very least she should want a civil relationship with u both for the sake of her child but that would be too much like right. But good, let her keep on acting a fool, she is hurting no one but herself. I feel sorry for her child, XOW sounds really unstable.

I am really, really happy for how things are going on your job & especially in your home. I will keep u in prayer, don't let any doubts or paranoia get u unfocused, I don't believe God brought u two back together for nothing. HE will get glory from your reconcilliation & re-marriage. I am claiming that for u.

As for me & dating XH - I posted this on the D board last week, on the one year annivesary of our D. I won't bore u with it, here is a portion of it.........

This past January I let him play me for the last time, I finally woke up and realized it is over, the M, the relationship, the “friendship” all of it, it happened, it is done, it will never be again and why would I want it? I deserve so much better than what he gave me. Even if I am alone, I will have peace of mind - which is priceless. I told him to not contact me ever again, I told him that in Oct. last year but this time it is for real. I can truly look back on my past with him and take ownership of my mistakes and forgive myself and him for his mistakes since I now know that it wasn’t meant to be. I have no regrets about the time I spent trying to make it work cuz I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I did all I could to try to save my M, I will never have to live with the “what ifs”. Of course there is still love there, even after all the pain I have endured. But I thank God I am not “in love" with him anymore. I don’t feel that need to talk to him, to see him. I don’t wonder what he is doing or where he is or with who. I see my XMIL and OC at church sometimes & it doesn’t hurt & tear me up inside like it used to. I can hug OC and speak to XMIL and smile and not be fake. It is a peace I can’t describe. A wise woman once told me “Don’t let your desire take u out of the realm of reality.” I lived that way for many years – no more! ........ God & time truly does heal all wounds.

I am doing well girlfriend, living for "B", discovering who she is & what God wants for my future, one day at a time. Life is good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

OW drama - I don't think that's ever going to go away ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
It is less and less ... but still there ...
I think what's changed is the way we handle it.

Beth, I'm so happy for you that your M is on the righ way of recovery.


<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Now that we're spending more time with OC as a family, the little guy is ggrowing a lot on me ... also the fact that he looks a lot like my brother ... is so weird ... but in a good way ... it has allowed me to separate him from OW ...
and he called me mama last night!
probably because of DD ... but still ... it was very sweet ...


In our situation I think that the fact that they are so close in age and young, has also help.
I think it would be harder when there are older kids involved ...

hang in there my friend! enjoy the peace!
(BTW - I sent you a picture of DD)


B,
I'm so sorry to read your update <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> {{{hugs}}}
But you do sound peaceful and wise <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />